


You're still the one that I love

by ifzi0531



Series: Small Town [4]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Slow Burn, based on tv series (Everwood) and all credits go the show
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-16
Updated: 2015-05-04
Packaged: 2018-02-17 15:38:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 58,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2314703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ifzi0531/pseuds/ifzi0531
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I never meant to mess things up this bad." Zayn says, his voice cracking, as he stares at Niall, wishing that he can turn back time and fix things up. But he can't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone!! Yes, if you're following this [**Small Town**](http://archiveofourown.org/series/56074)series since the beginning, congratulations because this is the final part of the series! :D I don't really know how many chapters will end up for this part 4, but let's wait and see how it'll turn up. :) 
> 
> The title is taken from Shania Twain - You're Still the One.

“Yeah, so, the bedrooms are about the same size.” Louis tells the girl, as he leads the way touring around the house. “There is only one bathroom, however, so we would have to share.” 

The girl grins at Louis, obviously checking him out. “I have no problem with that.” She says, with a tone that Louis knows so well. 

Louis nods, smiling politely. “So, what kind of name is ‘Yoli’ anyway?” 

“It’s greek.” The girl replies. “And I know it’s a cliché, but I actually make a great falafel.” She says, stepping closer to Louis. Too close in Louis’s opinion. 

Louis straightens up, backing away slightly from the girl. “Actually, considering becoming a vegetarian, but thanks.” He says, still keeping his distance from her. “So, it’s all here, then. Okay, uh, really only leaves one last question.” 

“What’s that?” 

Louis pulls out something from his pocket. “Can you tell me what’s written underneath that scribble?” He asks, passing the item to the girl. “It’s a postcard from a friend of mine.” 

The girl nods as she reads the postcard. “Oh, Jamaican cruise. How fun.” She says dreamily. 

“Yeah. Not so much the important part.” Louis says, a little bit impatient. “What I’m looking at is that scribble right there. You see? And what’s written underneath it?” He asks. 

The girl squints her eyes. “It just says, ‘Hi. Smiley face. Harry.’” She reads out loud, then she glances up to look at Louis again. “Who’s Harry?” 

Louis takes the postcard back, then he clears his throat. “You know, I have to be honest, Yoles. I don’t think this is gonna work out.” He says. “But thank you for coming by.”

*************

Bobby stands up, clicking his fork on the glass and clears his throat. “Attention – friends, family, recent additions, we are here tonight to celebrate a truly unique couple. It is rare indeed to find two people who are willing to throw caution to the wind in these uncertain times.” He says. “Of course, after five years of a bus driver’s salary, you’d think he’d have the good sense to invest his newfound wealth in some sort of growing mutual fund.” He continues, earning a few chuckles from the guests. “Instead, he’s decided to lavish it all on my mother.” He adds. “To Irv and his lovely bride, Maggie.”

“Cheers!”

“Thank you, Bobby.” Irv says. “And thank you all for coming.”

*************

Niall flips through the magazine half-heartedly, while bopping his head along with the music. He doesn’t even realize that someone is calling for him until he feels someone is tapping on his knee, startling him and he glances up. “Dylan, hi.” He startles, flushing a bit as he hastily pulls out his earphones. “How are you?”

The guy, Dylan, smiles at the boy. “Hi, Niall. I’m glad you’re here. Today’s my last day, so I just wanted to make sure I got to say goodbye.” 

Niall stares at the older guy, blinking rapidly as he tries to process the news. “Why are you going?” He blurts out, but then he shakes his head. “I mean, where?” 

“School starts next week.” Dylan replies. “Since I got screwed on my housing, they’re gonna let me out of the programme early so that I can try to find a place to live.” 

Niall nods understandingly. “So, where are you going to med school?” 

“Trinity College, so not too far away.” 

Niall’s eyes widen. “Get out. That’s where I’m going.” He says eagerly. 

Dylan raises his eyebrows. “Really?”

Niall nods. “Yeah. For regular college.” 

Dylan smiles brightly. “Wow. What dorm are you in?” 

Niall shakes his head. “Oh, I’m not really doing the dorm thing cause of my mom.” 

Dylan nods understandingly. “Oh, right. Right. Yeah, that makes sense.” He says. “You’re a good son.” He adds, before he stands up, ready for resuming his work. 

Niall watches as the guy walks away before something clicks on his mind, and he starts to move from the chair. “Oh, my god. You should totally live with my brother.” He says, trailing behind the guy. “He just got this awesome apartment back in Mullingar and he’s looking for a roommate.” 

Dylan turns around and stares at Niall blankly. “Mullingar? Where’s that?” 

Niall’s eyes widen again. “You’ve never been?” 

Dylan shakes his head. 

Niall gasps. “Oh, my god. It’s like only an hour from Trinity.” He tells the guy. “And it’s really homey, you know, even if you’re not from there, cause it’s small – well, not small – more like quaint, but not in a grandma kind of way. My grandma’s a biker. She has a Harley.” He rambles. 

Dylan laughs at the boy, shaking his head amusingly. Niall blushes. 

“Wow.” Niall says, feeling embarrassed all of sudden. “I’m just gonna write you the number.” 

“That’d be great. Thanks.” Dylan says. 

Niall writes the number on the paper and passes it to the guy before he hears his mother’s voice, calling for him. “Oh, sorry, I got to take care of this.” He says before he walks over to his mother. “How are you feeling? Are you okay?” 

“I’d feel a lot better if you stop using that baby voice on me.” Maura says. 

Niall shakes his head, smiling at Dylan as the guy approaches them. “She’s like this right after. It takes a lot out of her.” 

Dylan nods. “Understandable.” He tells Niall. Then he bends down slightly to look at Maura. “Take care of yourself, okay, Mrs. H?” He says, before planting a kiss of the woman’s cheek. “Alright, gotta go now.” He says, excusing himself before he throws a big smile to Niall and walks away. 

Niall sighs dreamily, watching until the guy is out of his sight. “It seemed a lot shorter today.” He says, looking at the nurse. 

The nurse nods. “A little. And Wednesday’s her last chemo appointment, so-“

“Right.” Niall says, nodding. “And when can we book her in for the C.T. scan?” 

“Niall, can we do this later? I’m feeling tired.” Maura says. 

Niall glances at his mother and shakes his head. “Just two seconds, mom, please.” 

“Talk to Dr. Chao. She’ll tell you everything you need to know.” The nurse tells him. 

Niall nods. “Okay. Thanks, Judy.” He says before he walks over to his mother again. “Ready to go, mom?” 

‘I’ve been ready for 10 minutes.” 

Niall grabs the handle of the wheelchair. “Well, let’s hit it.”

*************

“Of course I don’t mind picking you up, Haz. I just don’t understand why you don’t want him to.” Niall says, as he talks to his phone while trying to comb his hair at the same time. “Okay. Fine. Whatever. But just for the record, you’re becoming even crazier than me, which is no small feat.”

“Is that Harry?” Louis asks as he enters his brother’s room. 

“Okay. All right, bye.” Niall says before he hangs up and puts his phone down. “Yes, it was. And have you learned how to knock?” He asks annoyingly. 

“Why did he hang up? He doesn’t want to talk to me?” Louis asks, ignoring Niall’s comments. 

“He didn’t know you were here.” Niall says. “You’re not the only one in the room, narcissus.” 

Louis rolls his eyes. “I thought we agreed you weren’t gonna insult me in Spanish anymore.” He tells his younger brother. “So, when does he come home?” 

Niall plops down on his bed, before he answers to Louis. “Two days. I’m picking him up at the airport. You can call him then.” 

Louis stares at his brother. “You’re picking him up?” 

“He asked me to.” Niall says. “Can we move on to more important things, like my new boyfriend, Dylan?” 

Louis shakes his head. Usually he will listen to Niall, babbling about the crush he has on the med student but right now all he thinks about is Harry. “I don’t get why he asked you.” 

“Focus.” Niall says, trying to catch his brother’s attention. “You’ve seen him a couple of times at the hospital. I gave him your number.” 

“Yeah, Dylan, he called. He wants to look at my apartment.” 

Niall gasps. “Oh, my god. Oh, my god. He called you?” Niall asks, suddenly moving closer to stand in front of his brother. “Lou, you have to pick him as your new roommate. He’d be perfect.” 

“Why? So you can stalk him outside of the hospital?” Louis deadpans. 

“I’m not stalking him.” Niall says defensively. “I am admiring him.” He adds. “Those are two very different verbs.” 

Louis raises his eyebrows. “Really? Well, maybe I’d consider Dylan to be my roommate if you’d tell me what flight Harry’s coming in and, like, what time and, like, the other things I might not know about the airport, like how to get there.” 

Niall squints his eyes at his brother. “I don’t take kindly to manipulation, brother man.” 

Louis shrugs. “Hmm, okay. Well..”

“That being said, I know he’d probably rather see you than me.” Niall says. “He probably just doesn’t want to ask because he doesn’t want to seem needy. But since I know that you know that that’s completely ridiculous and I know that he’d rather see you than me-“

“Okay, how much longer with this?” Louis cuts his brother’s rambling. 

“Wrapping it up.” Niall says. “He gets in on Friday, 3:00. Park in Lot C.” He tells his brother. “Now, is Dylan gonna be your new roommate?” 

“Oh, yeah. I’ll look very carefully at his application.” Louis says, sticking his tongue out. 

“Louis!” Niall whines loudly. 

“Stop shouting, for heaven’s sake.” Maura scolds as she walks into the room. “Louis! What a nice surprise.” She says, before she hugs her eldest son. 

“Hey, mama cita.” Louis says, hugging his mother in return. 

Niall grabs his wallet on the bedside table. “Mom, we should get going. Don’t want to be late for your last round of chemo.” 

“Well, Louis can take me.” Maura says, glancing at her eldest son. “Can’t you, dear? We’ve got so much to catch up on. I want to hear all about the roommate hunt.” 

“Actually, I was already planning to-“ Niall pipes in and Louis shakes his head at his mother. 

“I forgot my stupid landlord has to come over about the showerhead.” Louis tells his mother. “You know what? No way. I’ll reschedule it.” 

Niall stares at both his mother and brother. “You really don’t need to. I’m here, schedule-free.” He announces, pointing at himself. 

“Well, let’s just get going already.” Maura says. “We’re late enough as it is.” She adds before she walks out of the room. 

Niall sighs once his mother leaves and looks at Louis. “See? She hates me.” 

“Not any more than the rest of us.” Louis says. When Niall just glare at him, Louis shakes his head, completely dislike the frown on the younger boy’s face. “Hey. You’re being paranoid. She’s fine.”

*************

“We need to talk.”

Nina stops wiping the table and turns around to face Yasir. 

Yasir walks over to the woman. “I’m very upset with you, Nina.” He says and Nina scoffs at him. “What? You don’t think I have a right to be?” 

Nina snorts, shaking her head. “I think that you are a piece of work, Yasir Malik.” She deadpans. “You’re upset with me?” She asks. “You tell me that you’re in love with me, you kiss me, and then you take off, avoid me, and act like nothing happened.” 

Yasir sighs. “Okay, you’re right. I did all those things.” He admits. “And they were wrong. And I’m sorry.” He apologizes. “But you never called me, and you should have. I was waiting.” 

“You were waiting? That’s it? That’s all you got?” Nina points out. “I got to admit, that’s pretty pathetic, even for you.” 

“Okay, all right. You know what? I shouldn’t have expected you to call, eventhough you promised that you would.” Yasir says. “I should have assumed you would take the coward’s way out.” 

Nina glares at him. “I’m - you left town!” 

“You left first.” Yasir points out. 

“I didn’t have a choice. You know that.” 

Yasir shakes his head. “What I know is that we both did some things that were questionable. And I am coming in here to apologize, and you are being unreasonable.” 

Nina sighs. “Fine, I apologize for not calling you, Yasir.” She says. “But I didn’t want to tell you over the phone-“

“That you were choosing Paul.” 

“Yes, that I was choosing Paul.” 

Yasir nods. “I figured that out after a week of not hearing from you.” He says. “But what I haven’t figured out is why, not that it much matters anymore.” 

“There were lots of reasons.” Nina says. 

“Yeah, I know. His romantic gesture topped mine. It’s hard to beat Hawaii.” 

Nina looks at him disbelievingly. “Is that what you think? That he bought me with a bigger present?” 

Yasir shrugs. “I don’t know, Nina. No, I mean, yes. Yes.” He says. “I think I’m the better man, and I don’t understand-“

“No. No, you don’t understand. You’ve never understood. That is the problem.” Nina cuts him off. “What you did wasn’t romantic. It was selfish.” She points out. “Yasir, he was moving into my house.”

“Well, maybe my timing was off, but at least I was being honest, which is more than I can say for you.” 

Nina crosses her arms over her chest. “When was I ever dishonest?” 

“You never told me you had feelings for me.” Yasir points out. “I had to find that out from Paul.” 

“I never told you because there was never an opportunity, Yasir.” Nina says. “You were always with somebody else. And unlike you, I don’t impose my crap upon other people unless they’re in a place to handle my crap, which is a place that you’ve just never been.” 

Yasir sighs. “Well, maybe if you’d given me a chance.” 

Nina snorts. “You had plenty of chances.”

*************

“Wow. Your brother was right. This place is awesome.” Dylan says from behind Louis as they both walking around the apartment. “You would not believe some of the crap out there. I saw this one studio. It was like, the size of your bathroom. The guy was asking like $1,200 a month.”

Louis nods. “Yeah, I know. I’ve talked to about 20 people so far, and they’ve all said the same thing.” 

Dylan raises his eyebrows. “20 people?” He asks. “Damn.” He says before he notices the thing in the room. “And that is a decent-size closet. Oh, my – I could actually fit stuff in here.” 

Louis shakes his head. “Look, Dylan, before you get too excited about where you’re gonna put your shoe rack, I got to be honest, I don’t really see it happening, so..”

“Seriously?” Dylan asks. “I mean, I think I could fit like five shoe racks in here.” 

“No, I’m talking about you and I living together. I don’t see it.” Louis says bluntly. “I mean, you’re obviously all type of intellectualized. And, you know, being in med school and everything – some people would see that as a bonus. Don’t get me wrong. I just – I’m not some people.” 

Dylan stares at Louis. “Really?” 

Louis rolls his eyes. “Dude, I’m only like two years younger than you. I can barely tie my own shoes. I’m like, thrilled I got myself enrolled in a J.C class.” He says. “You – you probably wake up with the morning paper, coffee, and doughnuts, although doughnuts are just perfectly fine-“

“Louis, Louis, don’t even worry about it. I get it.” 

Louis nods in relief. “Okay. Cool.” He says but then he looks at Dylan confusingly. “You get what?” 

Dylan smiles. “You’ve seen 20 people so far. It’s obvious you’re not looking for just any roommate.” 

Louis hums. “Yeah, actually, I’m not.” He says. “I’m waiting for my best friend to get his crap together and come home from wherever the hell he is.” 

Dylan nods understandingly. “You don’t know where your best friend is, but you’re not renting out your extra room in case he decides to come home and move in with you?” 

“Well, it sounds a lot worse when you say it out loud like that, but, yeah.” 

Dylan chuckles, shaking his head. “Actually, it sounds like every complicated relationship with girlfriends I have ever had.” He says. “Is this the guy?” He asks, pointing at the picture on the table. 

Louis looks at the picture. “Oh, no, no. That’s a different guy.” 

Dylan stares at the picture. “Damn. Looks just like Doug.” 

Louis raises his eyebrows. “Who’s Doug?” 

Dylan smiles. “He’s my old partner.” He says. “We used to live together actually, but then he moved out to England for school this year, so it sucks.” 

“That does suck. Um, sorry to hear that.” Louis says, taking the picture from Dylan’s hand. “Actually, Liam and I were just friends.” 

Dylan nods, then he looks at his watch. “I’m sorry. I’m late for like six different appointments right now, so I’m just gonna let you..mull- whatever it is you need to do – and just leave with one final thought.” He says, pausing slightly. “I have a plasma TV. So, think about it. Let me know. And seriously, whatever happens, good luck with your friend. I know how that goes. Believe me, it’s tough to make new best friends after a certain point in your life. How do you catch them up on everything they already missed?” 

Louis smiles. “Yeah, you’re right. You know that?” 

Dylan nods. “I’ll catch you later.” He says, shaking Louis’s hand. 

“Alright, nice meeting you.”

*************

“Well, I did what you told me to do.” Yasir says when he sees Bobby when he steps into their offices the next morning. “I talked to her.”

Bobby puts down his newspaper and stares at Yasir. “How did it go?” 

Yasir sighs, taking a seat on the chair. “Well, highlights are that I’m selfish. I’m egomaniacal. I wouldn’t deserve her even if she wanted me, which, by the way, she doesn’t.” He tells Bobby. “And the worst part of it is that I had this great speech planned. I was gonna tell her that I understood her decision, that I respected it, that even though she chose Paul over me, that I would always be here for her.” He says. “Instead, I called her a coward.” 

Bobby raises his eyebrows. “You called her a coward?” 

“Well, not on purpose.” Yasir says defensively. “Oh god.” He groans. “I’m a 52-year-old man crying about a woman. Isn’t that pathetic?” 

“Do you feel it’s pathetic?” Bobby asks and when Yasir glares at him, Bobby shrugs. “Alright, we may have hit a wee bump in the road here. There’s nothing that can’t be fixed.” 

Yasir shakes his head. “There’s nothing wee about it, Bobby. She doesn’t love me. I mean, there’s nothing to fix.” 

Bobby stares at Yasir. “She actually say that?” He asks. “Did she actually say that she doesn’t love you?” 

Yasir rolls his eyes. “I just told you what she said.” 

“She’s angry. That’s reasonable. Anger – that passes in time.” Bobby says. “Did she tell you that she loved Paul and did not love you?” 

Yasir sighs. “No, she said there were reasons why she picked him. She didn’t say what those reasons were, but I –“

“Those could be bad reasons. They could be temporary reasons.” Bobby points out. 

“So what? What am I supposed to do? Challenge Paul to a duel so I can force her to pick me?” Yasir says. “I’m not gonna humiliate myself all over again, not when she’s made it perfectly clear that she doesn’t want that.” 

Bobby shakes his head. “Maybe she doesn’t know what she wants, but if you’re not willing to feel a little humiliated for the length of time it takes her to figure that out, then she’s probably right – you don’t deserve her.”

*************

“You left these in the dryer. I folded them for you.”

Niall turns around, taking his eyes off of his computer screen when he hears his mother’s voice. “Oh, thanks.” He says, walking over to the laundry basket that his mother just put on the bed. “You didn’t need to do that.” 

Maura stares at her youngest son. “Why are you doing this, Niall?” 

Niall glances up to look at his mother and raises his eyebrows. “Why am I doing what?” He asks. “You’re the one that’s acting all weird.” He blurts out. 

Maura shakes her head. “I mean, why are you staying here this year? Why didn’t you apply for a dorm at Trinity? Why didn’t you go to Princeton like you were supposed to?” 

Niall sighs slightly. “Because…I’m needed here, mom.” He says. “As much as you don’t seem to want my help, you need it.” He adds. “So you can go ahead and stay mad at me, even though I really don’t think I deserve it, not that you are really mad at me.” 

“No, I am mad at you.” Maura says sternly. 

Niall stops putting his clothes into the drawer, and stares at his mother. “Oh, you are? Seriously?” He asks in surprise. 

“The way you mother me and patronize me.” 

“I don’t do that.” Niall says defensively. 

Maura shakes her head. “Yes, you do. At least, that’s how I feel when you’re looking after me like I’m some job that you want to do well so you can show your father and he’ll be proud of you.” She says. “It’s so disconnected from me and anything that I’m going through.” 

Niall shakes his head. “Well, I’m sorry that I made you feel that way.” He apologizes. “I didn’t mean to.” He says, before sitting down on his bed, facing his mother properly.

Maura sighs, as he looks at the distraught expression on his son’s face. “I know you didn’t.” She admits truthfully. “I hate that you gave up Princeton for me.”

“What?” 

“And you’re right. I do need you. And I hate that I do. And I feel guilty that I do.” Maura says, walking over to the bed and sits beside her son. “Parents shouldn’t need their children this much. It’s unnatural.” 

Niall shakes his head. “Mom, I want to be here.” He says firmly. “I’m so happy. I chose to be here.” 

“But you’ll resent me for it someday.” Maura says, voicing out her fear. When Niall shakes his head and rolls his eyes, Maura stops him. “You might. You don’t know, Niall.” 

Niall sighs. “Why didn’t you tell me this before?” 

“I don’t know.” Maura says. “I find it hard to talk to you sometimes.”

“Well, I find it hard to talk to you sometimes, too.” Niall says. “I mean, it’s not like we’ve had much practice, even before the..”

“Listen, maybe your father should take me to my next few appointments.” Maura says. “Your classes are going to start soon. You need to be a college student for a while.” She adds, before she stands up, making her way out of the room. 

“No.” 

Maura stops walking, turning around. “Excuse me?” 

“I mean, if it’s okay with you, mom, I think I’d rather keep taking you.” Niall says. “I mean, I know we didn’t talk about stuff before, but it doesn’t mean we can’t start now.” 

Maura smiles, feeling her heart warmth at the words. She walks over to her son, bending slightly to kiss Niall’s temple. “You’re a great kid, Ni.”

*************

“Hello?”

“What are you doing here?” 

Louis smiles at the voice. “Harry.” He says happily. 

“Stop walking. Stay right where you are, Louis.” Harry warns. “Oh, your brother is in serious trouble.” He adds. “This is a betrayal of great proportions.” 

Louis chuckles, glancing around to find the owner of the voice. “Okay. Where are you?” He asks curiously.

Louis hears Harry sighs at the other end of the phone before he replies. “Alright, I’ll tell you if you promise not to approach me until I say you can.” 

“Oh, yeah, I promise.” 

“Okay, fine. Turn left. Left-er. See that pole-y thingy?” 

The older guy laughs when he sees one of Harry’s hand comes out from behind the pole and waves at him. “Oh. Uh-huh.” He says, walking towards the spot. 

“Hey, you promised!” Harry whines when Louis starts to approach his spot. 

“Well, I didn’t know you were still looking.” Louis teases. 

Harry sighs again. “I don’t really know what you’re doing here, but this is just very awkward.” 

Louis raises his eyebrows. “Why? Do you have another dude with you?” 

“No! I don’t have another dude with me. I’m just-“ Harry trails off. “I’m – oh, for gosh sakes.” He says, ending the call and walks out from his hiding spot. 

Louis’s eyes widen as he looks at Harry’s appearance. “Whoa!”

“Don’t speak.” Harry warns. 

“I -“

“Don’t speak.” Harry says again. “There is nothing that you can say right now that will make this moment anything other than utterly horrifying and fodder for my future therapy sessions.”

Louis nods. “Okay.” 

“Okay, so, here’s the deal.” Harry says. “There are a lot of reasons why I didn’t want you picking me up today. The fact that my hair actually produces sound at the moment wasn’t even the biggest one.” He continues. 

“Wait. It produces sound?” Louis asks, and Harry wiggles his head, making the pins clatter. Louis laughs. “Oh, that is sweet.” 

Harry nods. “Yeah. So, um..okay. That kiss was really amazing. And it’s not like I haven’t thought about it all summer, but maybe you haven’t. And really, that’s totally fine, because we never really discussed what it meant. And you know, now that I’ve been gone for two months, maybe you came to the realization that it didn’t mean anything. And I just wouldn’t want us to not be able to be friends because of a stupid kiss.” He rambles. “I mean, not that I thought it was stupid, but, you know, again, if you did, that’s fine. So…” He pauses, staring at Louis. “Um, you can talk now.” 

Louis shakes his head amusingly. “Okay.” 

“Why are you here?” 

Louis smiles at the boy. “I missed you.” He says simply before he steps closer to the boy and starts to kiss him. Harry laughs airily as they kiss. They stare at each other’s eyes once they pull away. “”Do you want to be my date to a wedding this weekend?” 

Harry smiles brightly. “Yeah.”

*************

“Just so you know, I’m only letting you drive with us because your car’s in the shop.” Louis says from the driver’s seat. “I don’t want you getting used to being the third wheel on my dates with Harry.” He adds. “He and I are a couple now, and couples need alone time.”

Niall rolls his eyes. “Grandma’s wedding doesn’t count as a date, loser.” He deadpans. 

“I’m in a tux. It’s a date.” Louis argues. 

Niall rolls his eyes again. “You’re an idiot.” He says. “Hey, whatever happened with Dylan? Did he call you?” 

Louis nods. “Yeah.” 

Niall straightens up, leaning forward from the backseat to look at his brother. “Really?” 

Louis nods again. “He’s moving in this weekend. I didn’t tell you?” 

Niall’s eyes widen. “Will you shut up? For real? Are you messing with me?” He shrieks. 

Louis laughs at his brother’s reaction. “No, I’m not messing with you.” He says. “A really great guy, too.” 

Niall nods. “I know.”

“I can see why you like him.” Louis points out. “Too bad he’s straight.” 

“What?!”

Louis laughs. Then he stops the car in front of Harry’s house and walks out to pick up his boyfriend. He smiles brightly when Harry walks over to him. “You look…wow.” 

Harry blushes. “Thank you.” 

Louis is about so say something when suddenly Niall shouts from the car. “Exactly how ‘straight’ is he?” 

Harry glances over Louis’s shoulder, smiling brightly. “Oh my gosh! Niall!” He says excitedly, skipping over to the car to see his best friend. 

Niall grins happily. “It’s so good to see you! I missed you!!” He says before they hugs each other excitedly. 

Louis shakes his head.

*************

“You look beautiful.” That is the first thing that comes out from Yasir’s mouth as soon as his neighbour steps into his house.

Nina smiles. “Is it too late to apologize?” 

Yasir shakes his head. “No. But you don’t have to.” 

“See, the thing is, is that, um, I was just – I was angry.” 

Yasir nods understandingly. “Yeah, you had every right to be.” 

“Maybe, but I think my anger was confusing the bigger issue.” Nina says. “And once I got all the really mean stuff out, I finally saw the big picture, and the thing is, is I love Paul.” 

Yasir stares at the woman. “Well, that’s great, Nina. I’m happy for you.” 

“Yeah, me too.” Nina says. “I love him more than I ever realized, which is how I realized that you’re not in love with me.” She adds. “I know you think you are, but you’re not. And the reason that I know that is because I thought I was in love with you last year. But it wasn’t real. I was just – I was lost.” She continues. “And I think sometimes, when you get to the empty place and there’s someone who understands you, it’s easy to confuse that feeling for love, but it’s not the same thing.” 

“Maybe you’re right.” 

Nina smiles. “I want us to be friends again, like it’s always been. Can we do that?” 

Yasir smiles too. “I don’t see why not.”

*************

“Are you okay? You seem a bit upset.” Maura asks as she watches her youngest son, looking gloomy at the food table.

Niall musters a smile towards his mother, shaking his head. “No. No, I’m okay.” 

“Hey, I thought we were gonna talk about stuff now.” Maura says. “Maybe I can help.” 

Niall stares at his mother, then he sighs slightly. “I have a crush on a straight guy.” 

Maura’s eyes widen. Then she takes a glass on the table and hands it to her son. “More champagne?”

*************

Harry chuckles at something that Louis says, and Niall rolls his eyes at his brother, as usual. It’s quite weird to see how his brother can make Harry so happy, but Niall is glad for that. At least they both deserve it.

Niall is about to say something to both of them when he notices something, or rather, someone, behind them. He can feel his heart pounds rapidly, and he doesn’t know if he is just hallucinating at the moment. He can feel both of Louis and Harry’s eyes are staring at him in confusion before they both turn around to see what has been catching his attention. 

“Zayn!” Harry exclaims happily, before he marches towards his brother, and pulls him into his hug tightly. 

Zayn returns the hug. “Hey, Haz.” He says, smiling at his brother. He glances up, his eyes gazing straight into Niall’s eyes before he starts to speak up again. 

“I miss you.”


	2. Wished there was a chance to say I'm sorry...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title taken from
> 
>  
> 
> [ **Have You Ever  - S Club 7** ](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8FR0SBQd4X4)

Zayn links his arm with the old woman beside him as they walk side by side at the garden. “So, it was a great wedding – not that I’ve been to many.” He tells Maggie, glancing down slightly at the smaller figure. He feels the woman laughs loudly, and he can’t help but chuckle along. Horan’s family really has that contagious laugh for sure. And speaking about Horan, he inhales sharply, hoping that Maggie won’t notice when his eyes catches on Niall, who is talking with his father at the other side of the garden. 

Apparently, Maggie notices as Zayn’s eyes suddenly lingers on her grandson and she smiles at the boy. “You talked to him yet?” She asks, both eyes are now watching Niall from afar. 

Zayn shrugs, feeling slightly flustered at being caught by Maggie. “Ah, not really.” 

“Well, what are you waiting for? God to push you over there, should I do it?” Maggie says, pushing Zayn towards the direction of Niall’s spot. Then she leaves a peck on Zayn’s cheek before leaving him alone, and walking back towards the wedding tent. 

Zayn walks slowly towards the other side of the garden. “Hi, Dr. Horan.” He greets, once he reaches near the man and his youngest son. 

Bobby smiles at the boy in front of him and nods. “Zayn, welcome home.” He says brightly, glancing between the two boys in front of him and shakes his head. “Well, I should get these flowers into some air-conditioning before they wilt.” He says, excusing himself to leave both Niall and Zayn alone. 

Zayn watches the man’s retreating figure, before glances at the boy beside him. “Hey.” He says simply. He doesn’t know what else to be. Niall looks so different and it leaves a pang in Zayn’s heart on how many months that he has left the town. 

Niall smiles slightly at Zayn. “Hi.” He replies. “You’re back.”

Zayn nods. “I am.” He says, smiling at Niall in return. 

“I didn’t know when you were coming home.” Niall points out. 

“Yeah, neither did I.” Zayn admits truthfully. “It just sort of happened.” 

Niall hums, before he nods, still glancing between the ground and Zayn. “So, how was it?” He asks tentatively. 

“It was good.” Zayn tells the other boy. “Lots of nice architecture and..smokers.” He says. “How’s your mom?” He asks, changing the topic. 

“She’s fine.” Niall replies. “The surgery went well.” He adds. 

Zayn nods. “Yeah, Louis – he wrote me and told me about that.” 

“Oh, right. Well, we finished the chemo a few days ago, and now we’re just kind of waiting for more results.” Niall says. 

Zayn raises his eyebrows. “Oh, so it’s not totally over yet?” He asks confusingly. 

Niall shakes his head. “No, it’s not totally over.” He says. “But, um, she’s actually waiting in the car, so..”

If Zayn feels slightly disappointed on how it looks like Niall is avoiding him, he doesn’t show it. “Oh, yeah. No, you should go. I didn’t realize. Just wanted to say hi.” 

Niall smiles slightly at him, shaking his head. “No, no. I’m glad you did.” He says. “So, is this just stopover, or are you back for good?” 

Zayn shrugs. “I was thinking about sticking around, unless there’s any restraining orders I don’t know about.” 

Niall nods. “I’ll see you around.” He says, before he takes off. 

Zayn watches Niall’s back as the other boy is walking towards the parking area. He feels a pang in his heart of missing the boy already. He doesn’t realize he’s so lost in thought until his father taps on his shoulder and he startles. “Ready to go home?”

*************

“Well, you must be pretty jet-lagged, so I’ll just let you..”

Zayn shakes his head. “Actually, I’m kind of wired.” He tells his father. 

“Yeah?” Yasir asks. “I’m jealous, you know? I always want to backpack through foreign country.” He says. “So, was it everything you thought it would be?” 

Zayn shrugs. “I don’t know if I ever thought about what it would be.” He replies to his father. “I pretty much just wanted to get out of town.” He admits truthfully. “I mean, it was hard. But I did it, you know? I sucked it up, I met bunch of cool people. I did a bunch of stuff that I never would have done if I’d been by myself.” He continues. “Yes, I know. I am one step away from saying that I found the meaning of life in California beach. Shoot me now.” 

Yasir chuckles slightly, shaking his head. “No, no. Sounds like it might have been exactly what you needed.” 

“Yeah. I think it was.” Zayn says. “So, is my room still a room, or did you guys put a hot tub in there?” 

Yasir shakes his head. “No, it’s exactly as it was when you left.”

*************

“So, let me get this straight. You flew halfway across the planet to see Irv and my grandma renew their vows?” Louis asks, as both he and Zayn are walking to the table at the café. “Dude, I almost didn’t go because of Smurfs marathon.”

Zayn shrugs, following Louis’s trails to one of their favorite spots. “I didn’t have anything better to do, so..”

Louis raises his eyebrows. “Weren’t you in, like, a city where they actually encourage street art?” He asks, sitting in front of Zayn at the table. 

“Truth is, I ran out of cash. I have no marketable skills. So here I am.” Zayn explains. 

Louis nods understandingly. “Well, man, I wish you would have called me or something before I got a stupid roommate.” He tells Zayn. “He’s all straight and stuff.” 

Zayn raises his eyebrows. “You’ve got a problem with straight people?”

Louis shakes his head. “No.” He says simply. “But you know what I could do for you? There’s a closet.”

“A closet?” 

“Well, it’s more like a crawl space.” 

Zayn snorts. “Crawl space.”

Louis stares at Zayn. “No, it’s like, I mean, you could fit a bed in there. There’s no door on it. You’d be my roommate.” 

Zayn shakes his head, chuckles slightly. Louis definitely hasn’t change. “That’s okay. I think I’m gonna live on my own. I just got to figure out the money situation with my dad.” 

“Yeah? How’s that going?” 

Zayn shrugs. “Yeah, I mean, so far, we had a decent conversation the other day.” He tells his best friend. “I think we just needed some space or some actual distance.” 

Louis hums, grabbing the menu, and starting to browse through. “So, when you were there, did you learn any good pickup lines, like, ‘hey, let’s go surfing,’ or anything like that?” 

“Uh, no. Why?” 

“Nothing. Just asking.” Louis says. “So, ready to order?”

*************

“So, dare I ask…what’s the plan?”

Zayn pauses on cutting his meat, glancing to his left to look at his father. “That was pretty good, dad. Only took you 36 hours.” 

Harry snorts. “He wanted to cave after 24.” 

Zayn shakes his head amusingly. “I don’t know. I was thinking about taking some classes at MCC.” He tells his father. “I want to get a degree in something.” 

Yasir nods. “Maybe just ease into it.” He says. “See what comes to you. Enjoy being a student for a while.” 

Zayn raises his eyebrows. “You don’t mind if I don’t get a job right away?” 

“Being in school’s your last excuse to avoid the work force. I think you should milk it.” 

Harry shakes his head at his father. “You told me I had to start babysitting next year.” He points out. 

Yasir shrugs. “Well, someone’s got to support me.” He jokes. 

“Great. So I’ll just start looking for an apartment.” Zayn says. “I should be able to find something close by, real cheap.” 

Yasir raises his eyebrows. “What are you talking about? Why do you need a place?” 

Zayn looks at his father like the old man is crazy. “Well, I can’t live here.” 

“Oh. Oh, I see, and I’m supposed to pay for this apartment?” 

“Weren’t you gonna pay for school?” Zayn asks confusingly. 

Yasir nods. “Yes, of course.” 

“And you can’t afford both?” 

“Well, it’s not a question of money, Zayn.” Yasir says. “You just told me you have no idea what you’re doing. And now you want me to give you money to get your own apartment and make your own rules. I mean, what kind of life lesson is that?” 

Zayn rolls his eyes. “Well, I’m doing what you want me to do. I’m going to school.” 

Yasir nods. “Yes, and that’s great. But it doesn’t make you an adult.” 

“Have some. It’s really good.” Harry suddenly pipes in, holding a salad bowl to his brother. He can feel how the usual argument is about to start and he hates it. Unfortunately no one is listening as they both are ignoring him, as usual. 

Zayn drops his fork and spoon harshly on the plate, producing a loud clatter sound. “So I can backpack around US for 3 months by myself, but I’m still not _adult_ enough to own my own fridge?” 

“Not if you can’t afford it.” Yasir points out. “I’m sorry, Zayn, but if you want to get your own apartment, you’re gonna have to figure out how to do it on your own.” 

Zayn huffs. “Fine. It’s what I’m used to, anyway.” He says, before he throws his napkin on the table and walks away from the dining room. 

Harry watches as his brother walks away, and not so much later, his father does the same thing, only the old main is walking towards the opposite direction. But still, Harry is left alone at the dining table.

*************

Niall stares at the mirror, adjusting his uniform as he feels slightly weird with the outfit. He tightens the tie of the apron’s string, and tries to make himself look presentable.

“Three and out?? What is that?” Harry’s voice startles Niall out of his reverie about his uniform.He turns around to look at Harry. 

“Oh, my goodness. Good morning.” He greets the younger boy. He raises his eyebrows at Harry and he can that the other boy is obviously fuming about something and Niall rarely sees this side of him. 

“Is ‘three and out’ a thing, like an expression that’s sweeping the popular culture?” 

Niall stares at Harry blankly. “I really don’t know what you’re talking about.” He tells the boy truthfully. “In fact, I don’t know what anybody’s talking about before 8:00 a.m.” 

Harry snorts, shaking his head. “Your brother – three and out.” 

It takes a moment before Niall can process the meaning of the words before his eyes enlarges. “He told you _that_?” 

Harry shakes his head, staring in disbelief at Niall. “So, it is a thing? Why didn’t you tell me about it?” 

Niall rolls his eyes. “Did you really need me to tell you that my brother’s an idiot?” He asks the younger boy. “I mean, were you here for last year’s sexual-harassment expo?” 

Harry groans out loud before he sighs heavily. “So it’s true. And tonight is supposed to be our third date.” He says. “It’s over.” 

Niall rolls his eyes, again. “It is not over.” He tells the younger boy, grabbing the other boy’s shoulder. “Three and out was last year Louis. You’re already 10 times better than anyone he’s ever dated. You’ll change him.”

“Do you really think that’s possible?” Harry asks sceptically. “For one person to change another person?” 

Niall nods. “Sure.” He says firmly. “I mean, I wouldn’t expect some kind of ‘beauty and the beast’ transformation thing.” He tells Harry. “If you think about it, that movie is really dangerous to female psyche, although I did enjoy the teapot.” 

“When it sang?” 

Niall sighs dreamily. “Adorable.” He says. Then he turns his attention back to Harry. “But when two people start spending time together, it is inevitable that they will affect one another somehow.” He tells him. “Like when Zayn and I started dating.” 

“Oh, my gosh. I totally forgot. I am so sorry.” Harry says apologetically. “You saw him. How was it? Was it weird?” 

Niall shrugs before he nods. “It was hard.” He admits truthfully. “I mean, I was really sad when I got home that night, like everything just came rushing back to me. And then I woke up the next morning, and I felt better about it. So..there you go. I changed, which means anyone can change.” 

Harry nods. “Yeah, you got over him. Just like Louis is already over me.” He adds dramatically, making Niall to roll his eyes again.

*************

Zayn stops playing with his phone as he glances up, squinting his eyes to confirm if he is seeing the real person or it just his hallucination. When he walks closer to the other boy, he waves tentatively. “Hey.” He calls out. “I didn’t know you worked here.”

Niall stops picking up the glasses from the table and tilts his head up to look at Zayn and nods. “Yeah, it’s my first day here.” He replies. 

Zayn nods, staring at Niall and shakes his head slightly. “Yeah, look at you. You’ve got the uniform and everything – very official.” He points out. 

Niall shrugs. “Kind of a requirement.” 

Zayn hums and nods. “So, I can’t believe that your dad’s making you get a job, too. My dad has totally been on my case about that.” He tells the other boy. “Do you think they come up with this crap together?” 

Niall shakes his head. “Actually, it was my idea to get a job. I just figured that it’d be nice to have some extra cash lying around so I don’t always have to ask my parents.” 

Zayn feels his face flustered with embarrassment at his wrong assumption. “Yeah. Cool.” He says, clearing his throat. 

Niall nods. “Yeah, but I should get back. Line’s going out the door.” He says, glancing at the line at the front counter, and briefly smiling at Zayn before he takes off.

*************

Harry stares at his phone in panic when Louis’s name comes on the display. But after the third ring, he picks up the call anyway. “Hello?”

“You’re never gonna believe what I have planned for us tonight.” 

Harry swallows nervously before he replies. “Oh yeah?” 

“Yeah. First, we’re going to dinner at this Indian restaurant outside the town. They got belly dancers or something. And then I got us tickets to that band you really like, the guys with the glasses. They’re only in town for one more night. I scored tickets, so it should be pretty chill.”

Harry groans silently, not knowing on what to do. “Uh, Louis, about tonight, um, I can’t.” He tells the older guy. “I just kind of promised that I would do this, - this project, um, for bio.” He lies. “It’s like, an extra-credit thing. There’s this rat, and I have to stich it.” He continues. “It’s kind of due tomorrow, so, um..”

“Oh, okay. Well, uh, what should we..”

“We’ll reschedule, okay?” Harry quickly pipes in. “Alright, talk to you later. Bye.”

*************

“I can make you…cereal.” Harry offers as he rummages through the cabinet at the kitchen, looking for any foods left there.

Zayn shakes his head at his brother. “No, thank you.” 

Harry closes the cabinet’s door and turns around to face his brother. “What about olives? We have three jars.” 

Zayn shakes his head again. “No, it’s okay. I should get going, anyway.” He says, glancing at the wall clock. 

Harry shakes his head quickly. “No, don’t leave yet.” He pleads, right before they both hear the front door is slammed closed. 

“That’s my cue.” Zayn says, starting to stand up and grabbing his bag. But before he can leave by the back door, his father appears at the kitchen, completely fuming. 

“You want to tell me why you took him out of school today?” 

Zayn looks at his brother. “You told?” 

Harry shakes his head firmly. “No.” 

“Nina told me.” Yasir says. “But it doesn’t matter. What were you thinking?” 

“Well, you always said that you wanted us to spend more quality time together.” Zayn replies to his father. 

“Don’t be a smartass.” Yasir scolds. 

Zayn rolls his eyes. “Fine. I’m not welcome here. I got to see my brother somewhere.” 

Yasir snorts. “Of course you’re welcome here. I asked you to move back home.” He says. “It was your choice to walk out the other night.” 

Zayn shakes his head. “None of this was my choice. You created all of it, and now you refuse to let me move on.” 

Yasir raises his eyebrows. “Oh. So now we’re back to Perrie?” 

“Why can’t you just admit that you owe this to me?” Zayn points out. “If it wasn’t for you, I’d be at Juilliard right now.” 

Yasir shakes his head. “No, you _should_ be at Juilliard, and I don’t owe you anything.” He says. “You came waltzing back into this house with your American introspection, but you are still the same spoiled kid. You haven’t changed at all.” He continues. “If you had, you wouldn’t be doing things for the sole purpose of pissing me off, like taking your brother out of school.” 

“Just so you know, not everything’s about you.” Zayn deadpans. 

“Dad, Zayn didn’t make me ditch school. I wanted to.” Harry pipes in, trying to ease the tension. 

“Fine! Then you’re grounded!” Yasir says, glaring at his youngest son. 

“What?!” 

“You want to fight with me too?” 

Harry huffs angrily at his father before he walks out of the kitchen. 

“So, is this your solution for everything now, to threaten us till we feel like a family?” Zayn drawls sarcastically. “At least I wanted to change. I came back here. I gave it a shot. That’s more than you can say.” He adds, before he turns around and walks out of the house.

*************

Louis opens the fridge door, before grabbing a bottle of juice. Then he slammed the door loudly. “Get up!”

That action startles Zayn, making he sits up from the couch, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. “Hey, man. Thanks again for letting me crash last night. I promise I won’t make it a regular thing.” 

Louis raises his eyebrows. “Why not?” He asks curiously. 

“Uh, because your couch has a loose spring that’s already taken 6 years off my life.” Zayn tells his best friend. 

Louis rolls his eyes, ignoring Zayn’s sarcastic remarks. “No, I mean, this is stupid. Why don’t you just live here?” 

Zayn stares at Louis. “You’re talking about the closet again?” 

“Technically, it’s a loft.” Louis corrects the younger guy. “And if you don’t live in it, man, it’s just gonna turn into a study or something.”

“Really?” Zayn asks curiously. 

Louis shrugs. “Probably not.” He says truthfully. “But it’s big enough to put a bed in it, man. What else do you need?” He asks. “Your piano’s gone, right?” 

Zayn nods. “Yeah.” 

“Good.” Louis says but then he corrects himself. “I mean, sorry.” He says. “Come on, dude.” 

Zayn sighs. He starts to contemplate the idea in his head. Louis’s idea sounds so tempting, especially at the moment. “You make a very persuasive argument.” He says finally, pausing slightly, before he continues. “Let’s do it.” 

“Yeah!” Louis cheers happily. “Roommates.” He hollers loudly. 

Zayn shrugs, and starts to slowly folding his blanket. “You want to see a movie later, seal the deal with some popcorn and a little Jessica Alba?” 

Louis moves over from the stool and takes a seat in front of Zayn. “I don’t know. I was supposed to go out with Harry, but he’s kind of being all freaky.” 

Zayn raises his eyebrows. “Oh, yeah?” 

“He didn’t call me back for the entire day yesterday.” Louis whines. “Then he like cancelled on me for some totally crap-ass reason.” 

“Sounds like something you would do.” Zayn deadpans. 

Louis nods. “I know, which is exactly what scares me.” He admits truthfully. “Do you think he’s trying to phase me out?” 

Zayn shrugs. “What did he say when you talked to him about it?” He asks, gazing at his best friend. 

Louis raises his eyebrows confusingly. “I can ask him about it?” 

Zayn rolls his eyes. “You’re supposed to talk to him about it. It’s called ‘communication’. It’s what relationships are based on.” 

Louis hums, before he nods. “Interesting point.” He says. “This is good. I’m gonna be like 10 times smarter from living with you.” He says, grinning broadly, earning a snort and a shaking head from Zayn. Typical.

*************

Harry enters the kitchen, yawning slightly, but he stops walking when he spots his father near the stove. “I’ll come back later.” He says, before he starts to turn around.

But before he can leave the kitchen, his father speaks up. “Then this would be cold, and that would be tragic.” His father says, putting a plate of omelette on the stool. 

Harry walks over the kitchen stools, staring at his father warily. “I thought you were mad at me.” 

Yasir shakes his head. “I’m not mad at you.” He says. “And you’re not grounded, either.” He adds. “I’m sorry, Harry. I shouldn’t have got you mixed up in what’s going on between Zayn and me.” 

“But I am mixed up in it, dad.” Harry tells his father. “I’m a brother. I’m a son. I have a lot of responsibilities here.” 

Yasir nods. “I know you do.” 

Harry sighs. “It’s like..I feel sad for Zayn. He doesn’t have a lot of friends right now. It’s first time he’s ever wanted to hang out with me. It’s kind of cool.” He says. “But it’s not like it sucks hanging out with you, either.” 

“Well, gee, thanks, I think.” 

Harry takes a seat on the chair, before he continues. “Maybe if he’s not coming over for dinner anymore, I could have breakfast with his some days, or-“

“You shouldn’t have to do this.” Yasir says, cutting his son off. 

Harry shrugs. “I don’t mind.” 

“I do.”

*************

Harry glances up from his textbook when he hears the footsteps approaching him. He can’t say that he’s surprised to see Louis standing in front of the table, staring at him. “Hey.” Harry greets simply.

“What’s going on?” Louis blurts out, getting straight to the point as he looks Harry. 

Harry smiles at the other guy. “Do you want a sandwich?” He asks, ignoring the question and tries to change the topic. Before Louis can reply, he’s already on his feet, striding towards the kitchen to prepare the sandwich. 

“So, I called you.” Louis says, trailing behind Harry. “Did you get my message?” 

Harry stops in front of the fridge, pull the door and grabs some salads out, but still giving his back to Louis. “Um, yes.” He replies hesitantly. “I was gonna call you back, but homework, you know.” 

Louis shakes his head, staring at the boy. Or accurately, the back of him. “Come on, Harry. Even if you did all the extra credit, which I bet you probably did, you’re not gonna be _this_ crazy busy.” He points out. “Come on, what’s up?” He urges.

Harry sighs in resignation, knowing he can’t resist Louis, not anymore. “Three dates and out?” He asks, turning around to face the older guy. 

Louis stares at the younger boy confusingly. “What?” 

Harry huffs, staring at Louis. “You said you’d only ever been on three dates with someone before it ended.” He says. “The other night was gonna be our third date.” 

Realization dawns into Louis’s head and he finally nods. “Oh.” He says simply. “ _Oh._ Right, yeah. I can see how that might freak you out.”

Harry nods. “Yeah, just a little.” He admits truthfully. 

“But that doesn’t necessarily mean that’s how it’s gonna happen with us.” Louis points out. 

“ _Necessarily?_ ” 

“Come on. What do you want me to say?” Louis asks. “I know exactly for sure what’s gonna happen between the two of us? I don’t know that.” 

“Well, I don’t know that, either, but-“

“So? And if I told you the whole ‘three and out’ thing, then you should be happy because at least I’m being honest with you about who I am as a person.” Louis says. “Honesty is the best policy, right?” 

Harry glares at the older guy. “Why should I be happy about knowing you’re gonna dump me after three dates?” He says hotly. “I’m not like some sacrificial virgin. I can’t just approach the altar with glee pretending I’m giving my life to something greater.” 

Louis bites his lips, blinking rapidly after Harry’s outburst. “Okay, I don’t know what you just said. All I heard was _virgin_.” He says. “And we can’t avoid a third date just because you think we might break up. Otherwise, we already are broken up after only two dates, and you might as well be Candice.” 

“Meredith! Oh, my gosh.” Harry says, getting mad at Louis for even mixing up his ex-s names. 

Louis shrugs casually. “Well, look, who cares? The point is, you’re not her.” He says firmly. 

Harry huffs. “Fine. You know what? Let’s just do it, okay? Awesome.” 

Louis nods. “Great. Date number three – tomorrow night.” 

“Awesome.” 

“I’m looking forward to it.”

“Yeah, me too.” 

Louis watches as Harry keeps chopping the veggies on the board angrily. “It’s not gonna be as great as the original date three, because I only have a day to plan.” 

“I’ll keep that in mind.” Harry deadpans sarcastically. 

“Good. I’m glad we communicated. Is there anything else you’d like to share?” 

Harry shakes his head. “No, I think we’ve done enough sharing for right now. You got to save something, right?”

*************

Zayn reads the label on each CD’s carefully, trying to figure out which ones that he needs and which ones that can be left. He pauses on what he’s doing when he hears the familiar footsteps from behind him. And he immediately knows who he is. “I’m moving in with Louis.” He tells his father.

Yasir leans on the door, nodding as he hears Zayn’s words. “That makes sense.” He says. “I want you to know that I get it.” 

Zayn grabs the stacks of CDs that he’s been searching for, before he turns around to face his father. “What do you get?” 

Yasir shrugs. “I think I understand. You want to see if you can make things better.” He says. “You want to take whatever you learned out there and use it to improve things here.” 

Zayn hums, before he nods. “Yeah, kind of.” 

“Okay, so let’s see. Move in with Louis, and let’s see what happens with us.”

Zayn raises his eyebrows. “And you’re seriously okay with that?” He asks, looking at his father sceptically. 

Yasir shrugs. “I don’t know. The only way we can figure this out is if something shifts.” 

“And you don’t think that me moving in with Louis is gonna shift us further apart?” Zayn asks. 

Yasir shakes his head. “Not if we enforce a dinner policy.” 

Zayn rolls his eyes. “See, you already used the words _enforce_ and _policy_ , both bad words.” 

“Well, I’m serious. I can’t trap you here anymore, but on the other hand, I can’t give you money just because you think I owe it to you.” 

Zayn nods understandingly. “Fair enough.”

“But what I can do is make you an offer, 50$ for every dinner you have here.” 

“Are you serious?” Zayn asks, eyes widen as he stares at his father disbelievingly. 

Yasir nods. “I am.” He says. “What do you think?” 

Zayn shrugs. “I don’t know. It sounds vaguely illegal.” 

“Well, think of it this way, you get what you need, I get what I need and Harry gets what he needs without having to know the whole story.” 

Zayn snorts, shaking his head. “We’re gonna need a book to keep track of all the stuff we’re keeping from that boy.” He points out. 

Yasir moves closer towards his son, pulling out his cheque book. “Are you free tonight?” He asks, signing the first page of the cheque book, before scraping it out and gives it to Zayn. “I’ll see you then.” 

Zayn takes the cheque, staring at it for a moment. “Dad..thank you.” He says as his father is just about to leave the room, making the man to turn around and look at him again. “Not for this, but for coming in here and talking to me.” He says. “My plan was just to let it go and not really deal with it – just pretend nothing happened.”

Yasir nods. “I think sometimes that ignoring something gives it too much power. Pretty soon, all we can remember is what it is we were trying to forget.”

*************

“I’m sorry I hit you with the mallet.” Louis apologizes. “You know what-a-mole. It’s crazy.”

“They should give you protective goggles or something.” Harry deadpans. 

Louis nods. “Yeah.” 

“Well, it was really nice dating you.” Harry says suddenly, starting to walk ahead of Louis. 

Louis rolls his eyes. “Oh, come on.” He whines. He thought Harry was over the thing, but apparently he is not. 

“What? I’m saving you the trouble.” Harry says. “This way, you don’t have to break up with me.” 

Louis shakes his head. “I’m not breaking up with you.” He says firmly. 

Harry chuckles humourlessly. “Not now, but maybe at the end of the night.” 

“Harry, please, stop guessing what I’m gonna do before I do it.” Louis says. “It makes it hard to actually do stuff. Not that I’m breaking up with you – I’m not.” 

Harry shakes his head. “Why not? We’re obviously having a horrible time.” 

“Yeah.” Louis says and nods. “I feel like this is all my fault, but I don’t know what I did wrong. All I did is I said the truth.” 

Harry sighs, shaking his head. “But we haven’t earned that yet – not in this relationship, anyway.” 

Louis stares at the boy. “And you lost me again.” 

“Okay, come here.” Harry says, grabbing Louis’s hand and pulling him towards the nearest bench at the park. Once they both are seated, he stares at Louis and starts to speak up. “I loved it when you used to tell me everything about your life last year. But now what I’m dating you, it’s different.” He says. “You need to develop a censor.”

“I feel like it’s a little too late for that now. I already told you I like to freeball in the summer.” Louis says. “How are you supposed to _un_ -know the stuff that you know?” 

Harry shakes his head. “No, I can’t. But there’s new stuff. And that stuff, you just – you shouldn’t tell me. Not yet.” 

Louis raises his eyebrows. “So you want me to play games with you now that we’re together.”

“No, no, no. It’s not a game.” Harry says firmly. “Okay, um, when we became friends last year, we didn’t just jump in and say all the really intense stuff right away.” 

Louis nods. “That’s true.” 

Harry nods too. “Because we were building something new.” He says. “We were – we didn’t know if we could trust each other.” He continues. “But, so…this is new. You know, this relationship is different from the one we had before, and I just think we need to start from the beginning. You just can’t say all the really super honest stuff yet because we just haven’t gotten there yet. You know, we need to earn it.” 

Louis stares at Harry. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to say and what I’m not supposed to say.” He admits truthfully. “Like, right now, there’s something pretty big in there. But I’m not sure if I should tell you, because it has to do with the whole _three dates and out_ thing.” 

Harry sighs. “Oh, what the heck?” He says. “I doubt it could make tonight any worse than it’s already been so far, so go ahead.” 

Louis nods. “Okay, here goes.” He says, staring right into Harry’s eyes. “I never wanted a fourth date before, until now. I do. I want more. I want 80 more.” He says sincerely, before he leans closer to kiss Harry.

*************

Niall hums to the song that he heard earlier during his shift and somehow it gets stuck in his head. He sweeps the floor, still humming and he startles slightly when he hears the chime from the front door. He turns around only to find Zayn is standing in front of him. “Hey. We’re kind of closed.”

Zayn nods. “I know.” He says, stepping closer towards Niall. He stares at the boy, who is not back to sweeping and obviously ignoring Zayn at the moment. “What am I supposed to be doing?” 

That question makes Niall stops moving, and he glances up to look at Zayn again. “What do you mean?” 

“Should have I emailed- you while I was gone? I didn’t know. I mean, I’ve been trying to give you space since I got back, because I thought that’s what you wanted. Now I’m starting to think that space isn’t the right thing.” Zayn says. “So what? What should I be – apologizing?” 

Niall shakes his head. “No. You didn’t do anything wrong.” 

“Yeah, but something’s off.” Zayn points out. “And history shows that, when something’s off, it’s usually my fault.” He says, staring at Niall. “What can I do?” He asks helplessly. 

Niall shakes his head at Zayn again. “Nothing.” He says, glancing at the other boy briefly. When he sees the distraught expression on the other boy’s face, he sighs. He straightens up, properly facing Zayn before he speaks up again. “I probably should have said something sooner. I guess I was just hoping that there would be nothing left to say.” He says, sighing slightly. “It took me a long time to get here, Zayn – months, really.” He continues. “June – I was talking to you like you were still here. July – I was angry that you left. August – I was writing to you letters that I never sent to you. And now….”

“Now you’re over me?” Zayn cuts him off. 

Niall exhales, shaking his head and smiles slightly at Zayn. “No, I’m not over you. I’m over _it._ ” He tells him. “I can’t keep crying over you, Zayn.” 

Zayn stares at the other boy. The boy that he misses so much. “I don’t want you to.” He says firmly. “You meet somebody else?” 

Niall shakes his head. “No.” He replies. “No, I just don’t want you to be worrying about stuff you shouldn’t or should have done when I’m not.” 

“I’m not worried.” Zayn says. “So, if I’m not worried and you’re not worried, then why can’t we just go back to being friends like always?” 

“Cause we were never friends, not really, I mean, do you remember a time when there wasn’t something hanging over us, something I wanted to say, but didn’t, something you wanted to say, but couldn’t?” Niall points out. “I can’t do it anymore.” 

Zayn sighs. “Okay, I get it.” He says. “So, what now? We just, um, we don’t speak?” 

Niall shrugs. “No, we’ll see each other around.” He says. “I mean, here we are.” Niall says, holding his gaze, staring at the boy, scratch that, not a boy, but a man, in front of him. Things are different now. He knows how they've grown up over these past few months. "You just had to come back, didn't you?" 

They stare at each other for a moment, not knowing what else to say after that. 

"I never meant to mess things up this bad." Zayn says, breaking the silence. His voice cracking, as he stares at Niall, wishing that he can turn back time and fix things up. But he can't.

Niall nods understandingly. “I know.” He says. “We can still talk. We just can’t go back.”


	3. the rest is still..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title is taken from [Natasha Bedingfield - Unwritten](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b7k0a5hYnSI)

Niall smiles to himself as he glances around his surroundings. He literally can feel the buzzing atmosphere around the place. There are ‘Welcome’ banners everywhere and every corner of the area is filled with chattering people, happy people, just like himself at the moment. 

“You interested in photography?” Someone asks, making Niall startles a bit and he stops walking. He turns to the booth on his left, smiling at the boy who was asking the question. “Um, yeah, actually.” He says, nodding to the boy. “I don’t really know much about it, but I’m certainly interested in it.” 

The boy smiles brightly at Niall. “Well, that makes you a perfect candidate for our club!” He says, extending his hand for Niall to shake. “I’m Sam, by the way.” 

Niall shakes the boy’s hand in return. “Niall. Nice to meet you.” 

“Is there anything you _don’t _do?”__

__Niall’s eyes widen as he recognizes the familiar voice and he quickly turns around. “Dylan! Hi.” He greets, waving slightly as he doesn’t know what else to do._ _

__The older guy walks closer to him and Niall is trying his best to maintain his cool. “Hey. How are you?”_ _

__Niall smiles brightly at Dylan, before pulling the older guy into his hug briefly. “I’m great. How are you?” He asks, and pulls away._ _

__“Nursing your mom back to health, starting college, and saving the world? Guess you’re one of those ‘I’ll sleep when I die’ types, huh?” Dylan comments, making Niall blushes._ _

__He shrugs slightly. “Oh, I like to keep busy and especially cause I’m used to 8 classes back at school and now I only have 3.”_ _

__“3 college classes amount to like 8 high-school classes.” Dylan points out. “Trust me.” He says before he takes the paper from Niall’s hand and starts to read the schedule. “And you’re taking organic chemistry, which really makes it more like 10 high-school classes.” He adds, before passing the paper back to Niall. “If you need help, come by, I’ll be home later.”_ _

__Niall beams happily. “Really?”_ _

__Dylan nods. “Yeah. It’ll be good for me to brush up on this stuff.” He tells Niall. “Plus, it’ll make me feel smart. Which is something I really haven’t felt since med school started.” He adds, then glancing at his watch. “Uh, speaking of which, I got to run. I got to meet my new best friend, Ed a.k.a my cadaver.”_ _

__“Oh, see, that’s what I’m looking for – friends who don’t talk back.” Niall jokes._ _

__Dylan chuckles, pointing his finger at Niall as he walks backwards, away from Niall. “Funny. You’re funny.” He says, before he waves at Niall for the last time and turns around to walk away._ _

__Niall watches Dylan’s retreating figure, still smiling. “He is so hot.” He hears the comment from Sam and he nods, agreeing with the boy._ _

__“And straight.” Niall adds, his smile drops and he sighs heavily. “Hot and straight.”_ _

__“All the good ones are.” Sam says, before he passes Niall a flyer. “Here. Come by Friday. Meet everyone.”_ _

__

____

*************

“A midsummer nights ‘back anal’.” Louis reads the flyer out loud, earning an eyes roll from Zayn.

“It’s, uh, bacchanal, in honor of bacchus, the greek god of wine, women and song.” Zayn explains to the older guy. 

“So, is it a party?” Louis asks, getting straight to the point, not really caring about the meaning of back anal, bacchanal or whatever. 

Zayn nods. “Yeah, it’s a party, and we’re going.” He tells his friend. “You think we need fake I.D.s?” 

Louis glances up from the flyer and stares at Zayn. “Wait? _We_?”

“Yeah, _we._ ” Zayn says, nodding firmly. “I love parties.” 

Louis raises his eyebrows. “Since when? You’re like a social black hole. All light goes into you and dies.” He deadpans. 

Zayn rolls his eyes, again. He feels like he’s been doing a lot of that since he became friend with Louis. “Alright, first of all, it’s not certain whether light is conscious, so it can’t die. Second of all, I’m going crazy.” He admits truthfully. “No piano. No Niall. All I have is my lit homework, and I read all that in A.P English last year.” 

“Told you A.P. classes were a waste of time.” Louis points out. “You didn’t listen to me.” 

“Besides, we’re in college now.” Zayn says, ignoring Louis’s comment. “It’s time to unleash the new Zayn Malik – party animal extraordinaire.” 

Louis shakes his head, snorting loudly. “I just remembered. I can’t go.” 

Zayn raises his eyebrows. “Why? You got plans or something?” 

“No. I got a boyfriend.” Louis replies, as it is the answer for everything. 

“So?” 

“So, you don’t go to a party when you have a boyfriend.” Louis says. “It’s like taking Ben & Jerry’s to 31 flavors.” 

Zayn shakes his head. “Parties are not just designed solely for hooking up with people.” He points out. 

“Yeah, they are.” 

Zayn sighs. “Okay. Um, so bring Harry with you. I’m sure he’d love to go to a college party.” 

This time, it’s Louis who’s rolling his eyes. “Dude, have you met Harry?”

Zayn sighs dejectedly. “Okay, fine. So, you’re not gonna go to another party as long as you live?” 

Louis shakes his head. “No, man. I’m just trying to grow up here, okay?” 

“I’m sorry. I’ll try to support your newfound maturity.” Zayn deadpans sarcastically. 

Louis grins. “Thank you, turn this in for me, will you?” He says, passing the forms for the ID to Zayn. “Enjoy the party.” He wishes before he walks towards the academic building, leaving Zayn alone. 

Zayn watches as Louis walks away. “Hey, don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine. I don’t need a wingman or anything.” He mutters to himself.

*************

“Do you really think Zac Efron’s hot cause I’m looking at him here and I got to say I question his hygiene routine.” Harry babbles as he reads the magazine while Niall is driving.

Niall shrugs. “Yeah, but he’s like dirty hot, not like Dylan hot.” He comments. 

Harry rolls his eyes. “Niall, Dylan is unavailable.” He points out, for umpteenth times. 

“Doesn’t mean he’s not hot.” Niall says, grinning at Harry briefly before he turns his attention to the road again, and starts to park the car. 

Harry closes the magazine, already getting out of the seatbelt by the time Niall has safely parked. “You must move on.” 

Niall shrugs. “I will, but for right now, it’s perfect.” He says dreamily, before they both got out of the car. “I get to practice my flirting techniques without worrying about getting rejected.” 

Harry raises his eyebrows. “Cause you’ve already been rejected?” 

Niall shrugs. “Harry, my entire existence has been rejected. I cannot take that personally.” He tells the younger boy. He glances around before he stops walking abruptly, almost causing Harry to bump into him. “Oh, my god.” He mutters when he sees the car that he recognizes so well, is parked at the residence parking at the apartment block. “Zayn’s here.” 

Harry’s eyes widen, before he looks at Niall, guiltily. “Oh, yeah, I meant to tell you.” 

Niall furrows his eyebrows as stares at the younger boy. “That you knew Zayn was going to be here today?” He jabs, feeling slightly betrayed but he knows it’s not Harry’s fault. 

“More like I knew he was gonna be here every day.” Harry blurts out. 

“What?” Niall asks confusingly. 

Harry sighs, taking a deep breath before he starts to reply. “Zayn moved in with Louis.” He tells Niall. “It was totally last minute and I meant to tell you, but-“

“Harry, Zayn moved in with Louis and you _meant_ to tell me?” Niall asks incredulously. “That’s like ‘Paul Revere get on your horse and ride’ type information.”

“I know, I’m really sorry.” Harry apologizes sincerely. “It’s just Louis and I had all that stuff to work out, and I just kept thinking, I’ll tell you when I see you, but I never see you because you’re always at school. And I’m always over here.” He rambles, before he pauses and shakes his head. “And I’m just..I’m just a horrible human being.” 

Niall’s face softens as he looks at the expression on the younger boy’s face. “No, you’re not.” He says, shaking his head. “You’re a boyfriend now, which means you have more important things on your mind. I get it, and I’m so happy for you.” He says sincerely, smiling slightly at Harry. 

“Then why do you seem so sad?” Harry asks gently, staring at the older boy. 

Niall shakes his head. “I’m not sad. “ He denies. “I’m just really tired. The campus is really big, and I got lost a couple times today. The weird thing is, like, not really knowing anyone in the halls, you know, cause I haven’t met anyone yet. But you know what?” He says, but he pauses slightly. “God, I’m just being a complainer. I’m fine.” 

Harry smiles. “You can always complain to me.” 

Niall nods, smiling at Harry too. “Thank you. It’s all good.” He says. “I’ll see you later.” 

Harry’s eyes widen. “You’re not gonna come inside?” 

Niall glances at the block briefly, before he looks back at Harry. “I can’t.” 

Harry nods understandingly. “Why don’t we go somewhere else?” 

Niall shakes his head. “No, you go. Be with your boyfriend.” He urges. “I’ve got a lot of homework to do. I’ll call you later.” He says, before he turns around and walks away.

*************

Louis pats his stomach and sighs in contentedly. “Oh, that place was so much better than I thought it would be.” He admits. “I say we go back there tomorrow night and we get the other half of the dessert tray.”

Harry chuckles. “Or we could go to that party tomorrow.” He says, gauging for Louis’s reaction. He remembers on how his boyfriend was so crossed with his brother earlier when Zayn tried to make him and Harry to go to the party. 

Louis glances to his left and looks at his boyfriend. “I thought we talked about this.” 

Harry shakes his head. “Actually, we didn’t. You just made a weird decision about it. But I think it sounds like fun.” 

“It’s not. Trust me.” Louis says firmly. “It’s a bunch of drunk idiots slamming to some lame-ass’ 90s cover band. You would be bored out of your skull.” 

Harry sighs, shaking his head slightly before he glances at the ground. “You don’t have to do that.” 

Louis raises his eyebrows. “What?” 

“Lie to me.” Harry says, shrugging. “I now you want to go. You just don’t want to go with me.” 

“What?!” Louis shrieks. “Who else would I want to go with?” 

Harry shrugs again. “Anyone.” He says. “Look, it’s obvious. You’re embarrassed because I’m still in high school and I wear bad glasses and I dress badly.”

Louis shakes his head. “Harry, seriously, no, no, no.” He says firmly. “It’s not you. It’s me.” 

Harry’s eyes widen. “We’re already at ‘it’s not you, it’s me’? We are so dead.” 

Louis chuckles amusingly, pulling Harry’s hand into his. “Sit down.” He says, leading both of them to the nearest bench. Once they sit, he shifts until he can look at Harry properly. “Seriously, it _is_ me. I don’t want to go to this party because when I go to parties, I get all sloppy and I act like a moron cause I’m drinking and I don’t want you to see me like that.” 

Harry’s face starts to crack a smile, the one that shows his dimple. “Really?” 

Louis nods. “Yeah.” He admits truthfully. “Man, this relationship stuff is like the hardest video game in the world. As soon as I level up, there’s a new robo assassin waiting to take me out cause I don’t know the secret code.” 

Harry burst out laughing. “What’s a robo assassin?” He asks confusingly. “Wait – am I the robo?” 

Louis shakes his head. “No. Remember what you said last week? Now that I have a boyfriend, I have to think before I speak so I don’t say something stupid. Now when I don’t say what I’m thinking, I’m thinking that you’re thinking I’m thinking something that I’m not thinking.” 

Harry blinks his eyes, staring at his boyfriend. “I’m still confused.” 

“I want to follow the rules here, but they kind of keep changing.” Louis tells the younger boy. “The whole thing’s making my brain hurt.” 

Harry smiles. “Louis, there’s only one code, and it’s not secret.” He says. “You just need to be who you are, not who you think I want you to be.” He adds. “You want to go to the party?” 

Louis nods. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m generally a fan of parties.” He admits truthfully. 

“Good. That’s what I figured.” Harry points out happily. “Um, do you have to drink at the party?” 

“I could say no. But I probably will.” 

“Do _I_ have to drink?” 

Louis shakes his head quickly. “No, no. Of course not.” 

Harry’s smile widens. “Then we should go. I’ll be the designated driver, and if I feel uncomfortable, I will tell you and we’ll leave.” He says, before he starts to stand up. 

Louis follows Harry’s move, and then he starts to wrap his arm around Harry’s waist. “I think you might be the coolest boy in the world.” 

Harry chuckles, blushing slightly. “I know. You’re very lucky.”

*************

Niall walks into the common room, glancing around until he notices the same guy that he met earlier, sitting with a group of people at the corner. He starts to approach them. “Hey. Sam, right?”

The guy, Sam, looks at him blankly. “Yeah?” He asks confusingly. 

Niall smiles at him. “I’m Niall.” He introduces himself again. 

Sam’s eyes widen as he starts to recognize him. “Oh, Niall. Hi. I’m glad you made it.” He says, before pointing at the guy besides him. “This is my friend, Deo.” 

The other guy, Deo glances up from his mobile to look at him. Before Niall can say anything, Deo starts to wave his mobile towards him. “Have you seen this guy? He’s insanely hot. He’s gonna be at fig tonight.” 

Niall raises his eyebrows. “Fig?” He asks confusingly. 

Sam nods, looking at Niall. “Yeah, it’s this underground party. Happens every Friday night.” He tells Niall. “It moves around so campus security won’t bust it. Oak Hall, fifth floor. Starts at midnight.” 

Niall’s smile drops slightly. “It starts at midnight?” 

“Wait.” Deo says, glancing between both of them. “I don’t know if you can get in. Freshman don’t usually go to fig unless they have I.D. Do you have I.D.?” 

“Um,” Niall trails off, before he starts to reply. “No, I don’t. But I probably couldn’t have gone anyhow. So..”

“You brought your gear.” Sam says, glancing at Niall’s bag. 

Niall nods. “Yeah. Was I not supposed to?” He asks confusingly. He thought they’ll be have a meeting about photography, so that’s why he brings his gear along with him. 

“Uh, well, tonight was just sort of a meet and greet.” Sam tells him. “Didn’t you get the email? I put it on the network.” 

“Oh.” Niall says in realization. “I’m not on the campus system. I live at home for now.” He explains about his lack of information about the meeting that they’re supposed to have at the moment. 

“At home?” Deo asks with wide eyes. “Oh my god, that’s so harsh.” 

Niall shrugs. “It’s actually not that bad.” He says. “I mean, once you get past the harshness.” 

They all nod politely at him, not knowing on how to respond to that before Deo starts to talk again. “Hey, so, does anybody know the name of the R.A is Rossmore, second floor?”

*************

“Where do you think the keg’s at?” Zayn asks as soon as they step into the party.

Louis looks to his right, staring at Zayn incredulously. “Dude, you hate beer.” He points out. 

Zayn shrugs, ignoring Louis’s comment. “You want one?” He asks, glancing around to look for the alcohol. 

Louis shakes his head. “No, I’m good.” 

Zayn nods, before he makes a beeline towards the backyard, leaving Louis and Harry alone. 

Harry turns to look at his boyfriend. “You sure? I can drive.” 

Louis shrugs. “Yeah, yeah. Maybe later.” 

Harry nods, before he glances around. “I like these lights.” He points out. 

“Yeah. It’s a bacchanal. It’s in honor of the greed God B.A. baracus, who’s the god of beer and kickin it and stuff, and so it’s kind of his party.” Louis explains, as he remembers that little details that Zayn had told him earlier. 

Harry nods, taking all of his surroundings, walking besides Louis until they reach the main hall of the house. “So, this is it? The partying?” He asks curiously. 

Louis nods. “Yeah. Just kind of hang out, you know, talk to people and stuff.” And right on cue, someone knocks over his shoulder, making he turns around. “Hey! What’s up man!” Louis greets his friend happily. “Uh, I would like you to meet my boyfriend, Harry.” He introduces, bringing Harry closer towards him. 

The other guy nods politely. “You got to check out my room, dude. I’ve got a flat-screen and the new FIFA. We’re gonna play for shots.” 

Louis’s eyes sparkle, before he shakes his head as he remembers that Harry is with him. “You know, we’re just gonna sit out here with the band.” 

Harry shakes his head at his boyfriend. “You go.” 

“Really?” 

Harry nods. “Yeah, I’m just gonna find a bathroom, anyway. I’ll just meet you back down here.”

*************

Niall pulls his blanket down slightly, as he reaches the remote control and changes the channel, before he lies down again. His peaceful time of watching the television alone is shattered suddenly when he hears his father’s voice.

“Hey, what are you doing home?” 

“What does it look like?” Niall deadpans. 

“Well, it’s just that it’s Saturday night. I assumed there’d be some college mixers to attend.” Bobby says, walking towards the other couch at the living room. 

“Oh, there are.” Niall tells his father. “One of them requires a fake I.D., and the other one is where Louis’s at, and he took my best friend and my ex-boyfriend. But thank you for asking.” He says. “And when you says ‘mixers,’ dad, you sound like 90.”

Bobby raises his eyebrows at Niall’s snappish tone. “Well, I’m happy to see you.” He says. “Perhaps we could watch a movie tonight, like the old days. ‘Sound of music,’ always a tonic for the spirit.” 

Niall turns his head to the left slightly, looking at his father yet is still too lazy to sit up. He’s content lying on the couch, thank you very much. “I really can’t handle the Von Trapp family tonight. Why don’t you go to torture mom?” 

“Well, your mother’s out tonight, I believe. Although where she is, I have no idea.” 

“Oh, that’s just great.” Niall sighs. “My mother, who has a lower t-cell count than I do, has a better social life than I do.” He points out. “That’s just…awesome.” 

Bobby stares at his son. “Well, who needs a frat party when we can have a pity party of our own right here?” He deadpans. “You want to quit sulking and tell me what it is that’s bothering you?” 

Niall raises his eyebrows. “You really want to know, dad?” 

Bobby nods. “Yeah.” 

“Really?” Niall asks, starting to sit up to face his father properly. “Okay, I’ll tell you.” He says. “My life sucks. Harry’s in the lovey-dovey stage with Louis, which means he doesn’t have time for me anymore. Which I could deal with, except for the fact that I can’t make friends at school cause I don’t live on campus. Not to mention, dad, that my classes are massive and a hell of a lot harder than I thought my fall-back school would be. Which means I’ve been kidding myself about transferring to Princeton. So, here I am, it’s Saturday night, and I am watching mindless television by myself because no one wants to hang out with me, except you, who’s legally obligated to.” 

“Niall-“

“And if you tell me that I’m at the prime time of my life again, dad, I will hurl the remote control at you.” Niall says, before throwing away his blanket to the side and starts to stand up from the couch. Then he walks over the front door, grabbing his jacket at the coat rack and his car keys. 

“Where are you going?” 

“Out!” 

Not that Niall notices how his father is smiling smugly once he hears the door slams.

*************

Zayn chucks the popcorn into his mouth, as he walks towards one of the too many empty seats in the movie theatre. He glances around and stops walking when he notices the familiar figure at the seat nearby him. “I promise I’m not stalking you. I’m here to see the Caped Crusader.” He says and when Niall turns his head around to look at him, he suddenly feels nervous. “Uh, you – you’re probably here with somebody. I can go if it’s weird.”

Niall shakes his head. “No, I’m..I’m not with anybody, unless you want to count my milk duds.” He says, pointing at his beverage. 

“Oh.” Zayn says simply. “You, uh, you want to be alone right now?” He asks hesitantly. 

Niall shrugs. “No, that’s okay. You can sit there.” He says, nodding at the empty row behind him. “But I should warn you I’m probably not really good company right now.” 

Zayn nods, before he takes his seat. “Did something happen?” 

Niall shakes his head. “No, not really.” 

Zayn nods understandingly. “Going through the change?” 

Niall smiles slightly, amazed on how much Zayn actually understands him. “That’d be nice.” He says. “That’d mean I was, what, like in late 50s, married, kids, job, totally comfortable cause there was nothing major left to stress about?” 

Zayn shakes his head. “Somehow, I don’t think that’ true.” 

“No, probably not.” Niall says, agreeing with Zayn. “But it’d just be nice not to have to worry about writing a thesis paper or getting invited to the right parties, you know? Sometimes I just wish I was a little bit more finished, with some of the big stuff, I mean.” 

Zayn nods understandingly. “You finished high school. That was a big one. At least it was for me.” He says, trying to be optimistic for the other boy. 

“You hated high school.” Niall comments. 

Zayn stares at the boy. “Not at all of it.” He says, leaving Niall speechless. They stare at each other for a moment, before Zayn starts to clear his throat and muster a smile for both of their sakes. He doesn’t want to ruin on whatever left between them. “You want to share my popcorn?”

*************

“Hey.”

Niall stops walking as he hears the familiar voice. He turns around, and of course, it’s Dylan. “Hey.” 

Dylan smiles and nods at him. “How’s it going?” 

Niall glances down at the thick book in his hand briefly, before he looks at the older guy again. “Well, if these are the best years of my life, I might kill myself.” 

“Uh-oh. That doesn’t sound good.” Dylan says, still smiling at Niall. “Want to sit down?” He asks, pointing at his table, as they are both are at the library. 

Niall nods, taking his seat in front of the older guy and put down the book with a sigh. “It’s just that, you know, everything that used to come natural to me is requiring quite a bit effort now.” He tells the guy in front of him. “The only thing that seems kind of normal is hanging out at the movies with my ex-boyfriend.” 

“Oh, you and Zayn were hanging out again?” Dylan teases, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively at Niall. 

Niall shrugs. “Yeah, we bumped into each other. And at first it was weird, and then I realized the only reason it was weird was because it felt so comfortable.” 

Dylan nods at him. “And now you want to get back together with him, right?” 

“Maybe. I don’t know.” Niall admits truthfully. “It’s just so easy to be with him.” He says. “And truthfully, I could use a little easy in my life right now.” 

“You know, it’s not supposed to be easy.” Dylan points out. “You’ve only been here for a week.” 

Niall chuckles slightly. “I’m generally a quick learner.” 

Dylan smiles softly at him. “My dad’s a carpenter. He hangs doors for a living.” He tells Niall. “You know I’m the first person in my family to go to college? I busted my ass, got a full ride. But I had to work in the dorm cafeteria to pay for food. Every morning, I would go down, put on a hairnet, and serve all those kids who I sat next to in class.” He continues. “Sometimes you just got to pretend like everything’s going great, even when it’s not. Like, if you put it out there that you’re kicking ass, eventually, people are gonna start to believe it, and that helps you, believe it too.” 

Niall puts his hands under his chin, staring at Dylan dreamily. Who would’ve thought that the guy is so matured, and now Niall can feel the crush that he has for the guy is coming back again. He is still staring at the older guy when suddenly a voice is interrupting them. 

“Hey, babe.” 

Niall watches as Dylan turns his head, smiling widely at the other guy. “Hey.” And much to Niall’s surprise, the new guy starts to kiss on Dylan’s lips. His eyes widens as he looks at both of them. 

Dylan pulls away before he looks at Niall again. “Scott, this is Niall.” 

The guy, Scott, smiles at him warmly. “Hi.” 

Niall, still in daze of shocked and confusion, manages to smile in return. “Hi.”

Dylan nods, before he starts to gather his stuffs and puts them into his bag. “We better get going or we are gonna miss the movie.” He says to Scott, before he starts to stand up. “Anyways, you, um, you feel better, okay?” 

Niall nods, only half-listening and he watches as Dylan walks away, with his arm around Scott’s waist and stealing small kisses along the way. 

He shakes his head, remembering so well that his brother had told him that Dylan is a straight guy and that he should forget about his crush on the older guy. “You’re a dead man, Louis.” Niall mutters to himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> p/s: I'm thinking of changing my name here, but I don't know how. lol. what a noob. anyway, come say hi to me on[ tumblr ](http://niallhoranisasecretfurby.tumblr.com/)if you want to :)


	4. Too little too late

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> p/s: apology in advanced for this chapter. I'm a bad bad person, sorry.

Niall throws the packed sandwich, not too gently to Louis’s lap, making the older boy yelps slightly. “No extra pickles today. That’s what you get for lying to your brother.” 

Louis rolls his eyes and shaking his head. “Are we still on that? I told you – I wasn’t lying when I said Dylan was straight. I was wrong. That happens all the time. So why are you bugging this time?” 

Niall shrugs, at the same time balancing the tray and picking up the glasses, while still talking to his brother. “Because this time, you being wrong, ruined my life. If I’d have known Dylan was gay, I would have put a different face forward, like maybe wearing nice jeans, instead of my ducky jumper.”

Louis snorts. “Hey, if the guy wants people to know that he’s available, he’s got to stop dropping words like ‘partner’ and being all cut.” He points out. 

“Doug was his E.M.T partner, idiot.” Niall says, shaking his head at his brother in disbelief. 

“Okay, you should drop it now.” Louis says, as his eyes catches on a familiar figure entering the café and starts to walk towards them. 

Niall, who is still oblivious, shaking his head at his brother. “No, seriously.” 

“He’s right behind you.” Louis says quickly, making Niall turns around, and he’s pretty sure he gets a slight whiplash by how fast he turns around. “Hey, Dylan.” Louis greets loudly. 

Dylan walks over to their table, smiling at both of them, before he pulls out a piece of paper and extending his hand towards Louis. “Rent check.” He says before passing the slip to Louis. “I hope you don’t mind. I backed out $60 for your share of the groceries.” 

“Zayn said it was only $20.” Louis points out. 

Dylan nods. “It was – for him.” He says. “The only thing that kid ever eats is pasta.” He tells Louis, before he glances over to Niall. “Hey, Niall, I wanted to ask you if you had any plans this weekend.” 

Louis’s eyes widens. “Okay, I’ll see you guys later.” He says, grabbing his packed foods and bag, before he leaves both of his brother and Dylan alone. 

Niall waits until Louis is gone, before he looks at Dylan and smiles at the older guy. “This weekend? Like, for Halloween? I don’t think I do.” He replies calmly, though his heart is about to jump in happiness. 

“A bunch of us are volunteering at this haunted house.” Dylan tells him. “The med school’s sponsoring if for this charity, and I think they’re gonna set it up in one of those big Ag barns over on east campus. So, I was thinking, if you didn’t have plans or anything, that maybe you’d like to come.” He continues. “I mean, unless you’re not into it, which is cool.” 

“No, no, I’m totally into it.” Niall says quickly. “The kids – I mean – or scaring them or whatever.” He rambles. 

Dylan smiles brightly at him. “Yeah? Great. Then you are officially on the scream team.” He says. “I swear to god, that’s what they call it. I didn’t just make that up.” He adds. “I got to go, but I will e-mail you all of the info, okay?” 

Niall beams. “Sounds good.” 

Dylan nods. “Saturday night. Don’t forget.” He says, before he turns and walks out of the café. 

While Niall, is still waving, with a dreamy look at his face.

*************

Louis walks passes the table, gazing at Zayn. “Well, what’s cracking?” 

“Oh, not much. Just getting ready for a lesson.” Zayn replies. “Oh, a package came for you.” 

Louis smiles. “Oh, sweet.” He says, before rushing to see the package. “And, I gotta say, I’m pretty impressed with how seriously you’re taking this whole piano thing.” He points out. He thought Zayn wanted to tutor for piano lesson because of the money, apparently the boy is passionate about it too, Louis notices. “You got any hottie for students?” 

Zayn rolls his eyes. “No, I’ve got several wing nuts playing ‘row row your boat’ and I have this kid Ant who’s actually pretty good so I’ve been spending all my time on him. Which ironic, since he’s the only one not paying me.” 

Louis listens, but not really paying attention to Zayn as he opens the package. “Yeah, here we go. Right on schedule.” He says, pulling out the item for the weekend camping trip with his father. “Can you believe this? Just because I never mad Eagle Scout, he thinks I don’t know what to pack.”

“Who?” 

“My dad. It’s the big father/son camp out this weekend. Which means I’m stuck in the woods for 2 days. Sleeping on rocks and crappy tents with no cable.” Louis explains. 

Zayn nods. “I heard about it.” He says. “Your dad invited my dad who invited me.” 

Louis turns his head sharply, gasping at Zayn. “Oh, sweet!”

Zayn raises his eyebrows. “Well, I’m not going.” 

Louis’s smile falters. “You’re kidding me. Why? Why’d you say no?” 

Zayn shrugs. “I don’t know.” He says. “Habit?” 

Louis shakes his head. “Dude, you should seriously come. There’s trails, there’s rock climbing, there’s this bad ass lake.” 

“Get off it, dude, you just described the weekend as being stuck in the wood.” 

“That was before I know that you were invited.” Louis points out. “Besides, it’s not that I don’t want to go, it’s really cool, it’s just, you know, the routine, it’s getting so old.” He whines, pulling out a paper from his bag. “He’s got an itinerary.” 

Zayn takes the paper, and flips on it. “It’s actually laminated.” 

Louis nods. “Yeah.” He says. “He hasn’t changed it since I was ten years old. Seriously dude, you have to go. I thought you said you and your dad are doing better.” 

Zayn nods. “We are – kind of.” 

Louis raises his eyebrows. “So, take it to the next level. Bound it up.” 

Zayn shakes his head. “Yeah, I don’t know if I’m ready to bound in the woods.” He says. “I was thinking about maybe going to see a movie or something.” 

Louis rolls his eyes. “Won’t be that bad, we’ll just hang out, do a little fishing, cook over a fire.” He says. “Come on. Call your dad back right now, say yes.” 

“I can’t. I already booked all these lessons with Ant.” Zayn says, shaking his head. “I can’t cancel now. That wouldn’t be cool.” 

Louis sighs. “Whatever. Guess I won’t be woodling you up, letter opener.”

*************

“Let me out of here!” Harry whines, giggling as he tries to wiggle his body out from the sleeping bag.

Louis grins, shaking his head. “You look like an eskimo.” He says, leaning closer to peck on Harry’s lips. 

Harry shakes his head. “Unzip me, because my glasses are getting all foggy.” He demands, and finally sighs in relief when Louis starts to unzip the sleeping bag. He drops on his foot, lying on the floor, still trying to wiggle his way out. 

Louis’s eyes widen. “Oh, my god. Now you look like a mermaid. Or merman. Whatever, I freaking love mermaids.” He says, before he drops down, hovering over Harry’s body. 

Harry shrieks when Louis’s fingers start to touch his waist and the older guy laughs. “What? I’m not doing anything.” He teases, tickling his boyfriend. 

“Yes-“ Harry says, gasping between his laughter. 

“I’m just-“

“Oh, my gosh!” Harry moans, trying to swat away Louis’s hand. 

Louis stops tickling, and then starts to sober up, staring at Harry. “You know what I just realized?” 

“What?” 

“I’m not gonna see you for three whole days.” Louis says, making Harry leaning up to kiss him. They start to snog, body sticks to each other. 

“We’ve never done this horizontally before.” Harry says breathlessly when they pull away for a second. 

Louis nods. “I know.” He says, before he starts to kiss Harry again. His hand starts to roam lower than Harry’s abdomen and the younger boy freezes. 

“Wait.” 

Louis stops, pulling away slightly. “What?” 

Harry stares at his boyfriend. “Sorry.” 

“No, it’s okay.” Louis assures. 

Harry sighs slightly. “No, it’s nothing. It’s just, uh…”

“What?” 

Harry gulps. “You know I don’t believe in premarital sex, right?” 

Louis raises his eyebrows. “Huh?” He asks, confused for a second before he shakes his head. “Oh, yeah, yeah. Of course. I knew that.” 

Harry flusters. “I thought so. I just wanted to double-check, just to be sure.” 

Louis nods. “Yeah.” He says understandingly. Then he continues. “So, are you, like, full-on serious about practicing those beliefs in real life?” He asks and winces slightly when Harry punches him playfully. “I’m just kidding.” He says. “Of course you are. Of course I knew that you were.” 

Harry smiles at his boyfriend. “Good, good. That’s what I figured.” He says, pulling Louis to kiss again. 

They resume their song session, before Louis is pulling away again. “Wait. So, when do you say ‘sex,’ I mean, what – what does that mean exactly?” 

Harry scrunches his eyebrows. “Huh. I guess anything that has the word ‘sex’ in it, I’m not comfortable doing.”

“Oh.” Louis says. “Okay. Okay.” He says. “What about the word ‘job’?”

“Louis!”

*************

“I just feel so lucky, you know?” 

Niall shakes his head. “He’s the lucky one, Harry.”

Harry shakes his head, smiling happily. “No, really. He couldn’t have been more of a gentleman about it. Even though I know he must have been disappointed.” 

“It’s really not that a big of a deal.” Niall comments. 

“Can you imagine if I made a fuss over not having fun at that stupid kegger when he’s like sacrificing this huge thing for me?” Harry says. “I mean, Louis was like a…sex addict before.”

“The word is ‘perv.’” Niall deadpans. 

“Niall!” 

Niall shrugs. “Well, sorry, but it’s true.” He says. “I mean, even, Louis’s not stupid enough to throw away the best relationship he’s had over sex. It wouldn’t even be a real relationship if someone wasn’t sacrificing something for the other person. That’s what relationships are all about – sacrifice, compromise, effort.” He says. “God, I miss it.”

Harry stares at Niall. “Maybe Dylan will be your new boyfriend, and we can all double.” He says, trying to cheer up the other boy. 

Niall shakes his head. “Cart, horse, Harry.” He says. “First I need to find a costume. What do you think I should wear?”

“Well, it depends. Is this an official date, or is it more of a group thing?” 

Niall scratches his chin, trying to think. “Hurm, it’s kind of group-y, but he did ask me in a date like way, so I’m not exactly sure.” He tells Harry. “But whatever it is, I need to take full advantage because so far Dylan’s only seen the pyjama phase, I thought he was straight, so I shared too much version of me.” He says. “I mean, last time we were hanging out, I was wearing a hideous baseball cap and my ducky jumper.” 

“I think you look cute in that jumper.” Harry points out. 

Niall rolls his eyes. “Well, you have to think that because you’re my best friend.” He says. “But now that Dylan is technically available, I want him to see me as someone that’s, you know..”

“Hot?” 

Niall nods. “Yeah. And let’s face it – he’s totally out of my league.” He says. “I mean, he’s a med student. I’m a freshman. He’s learning how to save people’s lives. I _barely_ have a life.”

Harry rolls his eyes. “Please. He obviously likes you, or he wouldn’t have asked you out to a Saturday-night holiday event.” He says. “Plus, he came and found you at work, didn’t he?” 

“Yeah.” 

“And his friends are gonna be there, which means he clearly wants to show you off.” Harry says. “Oh, it is _so_ a date.” 

Niall contemplates on Harry’s words for a moment, before he nods. “Maybe you’re right.” He says. “And if you are, I got to break out the big guns, let him know I can compete on his level.”

*************

Niall steps into the room tentatively, glancing around at the scattered props around him. He feels lost. Luckily, Dylan notices him. “Niall. Hey.” 

Niall turns around as he hears the voice. “Hi.” 

Dylan smiles at him and Niall can feel he is already swooned right here and there. “Glad you made it.” He says. “Pretty cool, huh?” 

Niall glances around him, looking at the surroundings before he nods. “Funny.” 

Dylan nods too. “What’s this?” He asks, referring to the item in Niall’s hand. 

“Uh, just my costume. I hope it’s okay.” 

Dylan looks at the costume briefly, before shaking his head. “Oh, cool. But you won’t need it.” He says. “We actually have one for you over at the sign-in table. It’s really cool.” He adds, leading Niall to the table. “You are going to be a scarecrow in the farm of frights.” 

“No, ‘scary crow’, get it?” Someone pipes in from beside them, and Niall immediately recognizes him as Scott. He watches as Scott leans in closer, _too close_ to Dylan and Niall forces a smile on his face when Scott smiles at him. “So, this must be your friend.” Scott says to Dylan, while still smiling at Niall. 

Dylan nods. “Yeah. Niall, this is Scott. Scott, Niall. We are in cell bio together.” 

Scott nods, still smiling warmly. “Hi. Nice to meet you.”

Niall, being the person that he is, smiling back. “Hi.” 

“Oh, they have some really great makeup and props upstairs, so you might want to check it out before all the good stuff’s gone.” Dylan tells him. 

Niall nods. “Okay. Great.” He says. “Where should I meet you?” He asks and when both Dylan and Scott are staring at him blankly, Niall retracts his words. “I mean, like, where’s our spooky farm?” 

“Oh.” Dylan says. “Oh, I’m not in your scene. Scott and I got the ‘shake and bake.’” He tells Niall. 

Scott laughs, nodding. “It’s so great. He sits in this fake electric chair, and I get to execute him every 30 seconds.” He says, leaning against Dylan’s body, and Niall can only watches in jealousy. 

“Oh, how fun for you.” Niall fake cheers. “Um, so, am I alone or-“ 

Dylan shakes his head. “No, I think there’s someone else in your scene.” He tells Niall. “It’s gonna be fun.” 

“It sounds great.” Niall says, sarcastically of course.

*************

“I love this place. I love this place.” Harry mutters to himself as he walks past by all the supposedly ‘scary’ creatures. He is about to walk past by another one when someone pulls his jacket from behind and he squeaks a little. He turns around, only to find Niall, in the most ridiculous custom that he has ever seen. 

“What happened to the pilgrim?” Harry asks as Niall leads him away from the noisy place and they sit at the corner of the warehouse. 

“You don’t even want to know.” Niall replies, taking off his wig of his head. “My feet is killing me. This straw is making me all itchy.” He whines miserably. “Please tell me it’s almost midnight.” 

Harry looks at Niall confusingly. “Well, where’s Dylan?” 

“I don’t know. He’s off doing another scene somewhere with some ridiculously hot mummy lad.” Niall says bitterly. “I haven’t even spoken to him all night.” 

Harry shakes his head incredulously. “He invited you out and he’s hanging out with some other boy?” 

“It’s not a date, Harry – not even close.” Niall points out. “I’m such an idiot.” 

“No, you’re not.” 

Niall shakes his head. “Yes, I am.” He says firmly. “I totally misread the situation. He wasn’t asking me out. He was looking for volunteers.” 

“How were you supposed to know that?” Harry points out. 

“Seriously, why would I have ever assumed that he would like me?” Niall says, shaking his head. “I mean, he’s nice to everybody, and now he probably knows that I like him, which is just humiliating.” 

Harry stares at Niall sympathetically. “Go home, Ni.” 

“I can’t just leave.” Niall mumbles, voice cracking. 

“Yes, you can.” Harry said firmly. “Yes. I will take your place.” He says, pulling Niall’s hand to stand up with him. “You have had enough.” 

Niall stares at Harry. “Really?” 

Harry nods. “It’s not a real relationship unless you’re willing to make sacrifices, right?” 

“Oh, my god, you are my favorite person.” Niall says, touched by gesture of his best friend and hugs the younger boy. 

Harry pats Niall’s back. “Back at you.” He says, then pulling away. “Okay, go. Go, go.”

*************

Zayn watches the bonfire in front of him silently. When he hears the rustles on the ground, he glances up. 

“Couldn’t sleep either, huh?” 

Zayn shakes his head, responding to his father. “Uh, no.” He says. He doesn’t really know how he ends up, following Louis and Dr. Bobby to the wood, but he thinks it might be because of Louis’s way of getting him to do what he wants though. So, yes, here he is. “Whoever’s idea it was to serve rice and beans with Louis around ought to be shot. I thought there was a frog loose in our tent.” 

Yasir nods. “Well, I brought something that might help us pass out or at least find this all more amusing.” He says, putting down the bottle in his hand to the ground, before he takes a seat near Zayn. 

“Ah, Grappa.” 

“Yeah. It seemed like a good occasion.” Yasir says, passing the bottle to Zayn. 

Zayn nods, agreeing with his father. “So, why’d you ask me out here?” 

“I don’t know.” Yasir says and shrugs. “Why you’d say yes?” 

“I asked you first.” Zayn points out. 

Yasir looks at his son. “You really want to know?” 

Zayn nods. “Yeah.” 

“I wanted to spend time with you.” Yasir replies truthfully. “You said you wanted to know.” 

Zayn chuckles slightly. “It’s funny, cause, you know, it seems like you’ve been avoiding me lately.” 

Yasir shakes his head. “No, I haven’t been avoiding you. I’ve just been trying to give you your space.” He says. 

Zayn stares at his father, raising his eyebrows. “Cause you’re scared of me?” 

“No!” Yasir replies quickly. Then, “yes. Very much so.” He admits. 

Zayn takes a stick nearby, playing with the sand. “Am I really that bad?” He asks. 

“Sometimes.” Yasir responds. “Not always.” He adds. “But, hey, here we are – we got a fire, stars, a bottle of 50-proof Italian fruit wine.” He continues, staring at Zayn. “Tell me what’s going on in your life.” 

“Jeez, dad, get off my back, okay?” Zayn tells his father, before, “just kidding.” He adds. “Uh, what’s going on in my life? Let’s see. I’ve got a 14-year-old kid giving me nothing but grief. It’s exciting.” 

“Is that one of your students?” 

Zayn nods. “Yeah, this kid, Ant. He think he’s god’s gift. He’s good, but he’s a pain in the ass and a complainer.” 

“Well, please explain. I can’t relate.” Yasir deadpans, in a jokingly manner. 

Zayn snorts. “Yeah, I know. I have a lot more respect for all the crap that I put you through.” 

“Well, for all the times that you were a cocky pain in the ass – and there were many – there was usually a good reason.” Yasir says. “So it’s probably the same with him.” He adds. “Now, it’s my turn. I get to ask you a question.” 

“Do I have to answer?” 

Yasir nods. “It would be nice if you did.” He says. “Why’d you come back to Mullingar?” 

It takes a moment, as Zayn suddenly goes silent, and staring at the fire in front of them. “I’m still in love with Niall.” 

Yasir stares at his son. “You better pass that Grappa.” 

“That’s the thing about 12-hour train rides.” Zayn tells his father. “It gives you a lot of time to think.” He adds, pausing slightly. “I never should have broken up with him.” 

“You did what you had to do at the time.” 

“That’s what I kept telling myself.” Zayn says. “The truth is, Niall was the best thing that ever happened to me, and I blew it. I was pissed off at you. I took it out on him. Now all I want to do is tell him that I’m sorry, but it’s too late for that.” He adds. “I’m glad that I came home, though.” 

Yasir nods. “Me too.”

*************

“Niall?” 

Niall groans, still not opening his eyes as he hears his mother’s voice nearby. He feels his mother touches his shoulder gently. “Niall. Wake up, sweetheart. There’s someone here to see you.” 

Niall stretches, starting to sit up and rubbing his eyes sleepily, as he can feel his back is slightly aching from falling asleep on the chair. When he opens his eyes again, he smiles. “Dylan.” 

“Hey.”

“Hi. How are you?” 

Dylan smiles. “I’m good.” He says. “Sorry. I didn’t know you were crashed out back here.” 

Niall blushes slightly, feeling self-conscious as Dylan is staring at him from the door of the backyard. “Just, um, just doing some homework. Contemporary poetry.” He says, pointing at the book. “Clearly very interesting stuff.” 

“I hope you don’t mind. I asked Louis where you lived, cause, um, I was a little worried about you.” 

Niall’s eyes widen. “About me?” 

Dylan nods. “Yeah, about you.” He says. “What happened last night? Harry said you got sick or something.”

“Oh, yeah, yeah, I got, um..” Niall trails off, thinking of excuses to lie. “I think I ate too much candy corn or something like that. All that orange dye – not good for the stomach. I puke easy.” He says, then smiles awkwardly at Dylan. 

“Well, next time, you should try to find me.” Dylan says. “I am a doctor, you know. Or at least I’m trying to be.” 

“Yeah, I didn’t want to interrupt. You seemed pretty busy with Scott.” Niall says, not really looking at Dylan at the moment. 

Dylan chuckles slightly, humming before he walks closer towards Niall and sits at the edge of the bench. “Well, Scott had to, um, leave early to be with his boyfriend.” 

Niall feels like an idiot, but he manages to muster a smile anyway. “Really? That’s nice.” He says, trying to avoid Dylan’s stare as he can feels his cheeks flustered with embarrassment. 

“You are funny.” 

“Not on purpose.” Niall says, pretty sure wanting the ground to open and swallows him. 

“And cute, too.” Dylan says. “Would you mind if I, um..”

Niall doesn’t even hear the rest of the words when the older guy starts to lean in to kiss him. For a moment, Niall feels like he is floating, before Dylan’s phone starts to ring. “Oh, I’m sorry, that’s my lab partner.” The older guy says once they pull away. “I got to go.” He tells Niall, before leaning down to kiss him once again. Then he starts to stand up, but his eyes never leave Niall’s. “You, um, no more candy corn for you, okay?” He says, before he takes off. 

Niall watches Dylan’s retreating figure, and slowly, he touches his lips with his fingers, still can’t believe that the older guy had kissed him. He smiles to himself, feeling like he is in heaven.


	5. And we'll feel alright

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm soooooooo sorry for the lack of updates. Kinda lost my inspiration for this one. :/ And also I just got back from vacation, so yeah, so little time :D

The moment Zayn steps into his house through the backdoor, his eyes widen and he blinks confusingly. “Whoa.” He exclaims to his father’s back as he notices the man is standing near the kitchen. 

Yasir turns around when he hears his eldest son’s voice. “Harry’s bake sale.” He explains simply, shrugging casually. He looks down and he notices the big bag in Zayn’s hand. “You’re moving back in?” 

Zayn shakes his head. “No. Just come home for a free laundry.” He says, grinning at his father. 

“Not that I’m complaining but we see you more now than when you lived here.” Yasir points out. 

“Well, laundry fares was ridiculous and expensive. Who can manage that? And seriously who can manage that many coins?” Zayn tells his father, before he starts to make his way towards the laundry room. 

Yasir nods, watching as Zayn starts to walk away and suddenly he remembers about something. “Zayn. I think there is something I should tell you.”

Zayn stops walking, then he turns around to face his father again. “Yeah, what’s that?” 

“Well, I think that I should tell you, I mean, I don’t know for sure, it kind of falls under that one grey area that you might consider-“ Yasir rambles. 

Zayn snorts, shaking his head. “Dad.” He says, cutting his father’s rambling. 

Yasir stops rambling, staring at his eldest son before he continues to speak. “I think Niall’s dating someone.” 

Zayn’s eyes widen. “What?” 

Yasir shrugs. “I heard him telling Harry that he kissed a guy although I know that kissing doesn’t necessarily mean dating anymore-“

“No.” Zayn says quickly, cutting his father’s off. “I mean, that can’t just be right. I talked to him just the other day. I mean you must have heard wrong.” 

“Maybe. But it’s entirely possible.” 

Zayn shakes his head. “When I was talking to him, I asked him if you’re dating anybody and he said no, he’s not dating anybody. So-”

Yasir nods. “Oh, well. That’s great. I must’ve been heard wrong.” 

“Yeah.”

*************

“Have anyone seen my basketball shoes?” Louis asks from his room. 

Harry glances around. “They could be out here, but there’s no way of knowing.” He deadpans sarcastically as he looks at the mess of the house. He starts to stand up from the couch and bend down to pick up one of the items on the floor. 

“Harry, don’t clean up after them.” Niall says, flipping through the magazine as he sits on the couch. 

“I can’t help it. I know that as soon as I finish this room would be looking right back like it has not just been robbed and I can’t stand doing nothing.” 

Niall shrugs, before he scrunches his nose. “What’s that smell? I think that there is something rotten.”

Harry rolls his eyes. “You’re just smelling it _now_? It smells like this since we got here.” He points out. 

Louis gets out of his room, apparently manages to find his shoes around the mess, before he leans closer to kiss Harry briefly. “Okay, well, the game should be over at 4 o’clock. I’ll give a call then and we’ll find out what we’ll be doing okay?” 

“Sounds good.” Harry replies, smiling at his boyfriend once they pull away. Then, Louis is gone, leaving both Harry and Niall alone at the apartment. 

“See? That’s the beauty of having a boyfriend. You know where he is. You know when he’s gonna call, unlike me, Dylan kissed me over a week ago and yet I have no news, I mean, I don’t even know where he is. I’ve never seeing him. I mean, is he even here, in his apartment?” Niall whines miserably, throwing the magazine away and sighs heavily. 

“Speaking of which, you’re taking stalking to a whole new level.” Harry deadpans. “You’re actually lying and wait inside of his house. What you’re actually gonna say when he’ll actually just walk into the door?”

Niall shrugs. “I don’t know.” He replies, earning a loud groan from Harry. He looks at the younger boy. “What? I just want to see how he is around me. Like if he’s happy to see me or he’s actually blowing me off.” He says. “Five more minutes.” He adds firmly. 

“So this is what psychotic break would look like.” Harry points out. 

Niall sighs. “I just want to get a sense of what’s going on. I’m certain he is killing me. I mean, have anyone ever seen Dylan? What if he’s dead? Or in a hospital or something?” 

Harry laughs, shaking his head. Sometimes he wonders if he’s the older one instead of the other boy. “Niall.”

Niall shrugs. “Well, Harry, once in a while that’s gotta happen, right? That’s the only legitimate life or death reason why a guy doesn’t call?” 

Harry snorts. “Maybe you should call him and ask him out.” He suggests. 

Niall’s eyes widens. “I never asked a guy out.” He says, feeling like the idea is so crazy and foreign to him. “I mean, what if he says no? That would be just humiliating.” 

Harry rolls his eyes. “He’s not going to say no.” He says. “He kissed you. He is so clearly obviously already likes you.” 

“It could’ve been a pity kiss or like a momentary surge of poor moment, who knows? I certainly don’t because there has been no follow up.” 

“Well, there’s only one way to find out and I really don’t think it’s by hiding on his couch waiting until he comes home.” Harry deadpans. He glances around the room and moves slightly when he feels something is jabbing on his butt. He fishes the thing, which turns out to be a plate, with a sticky pizza on it and he sniffs on the thing. “Euw.” He says disgustingly, throwing the plate away. “Okay, that’s it. It’s time to go. We’re going, right now.” He says firmly, standing up from the couch and forcing Niall to stand with him and gets out from the apartment.

*************

Niall walks towards the newly empty table, ready to clean the dirty plates and cups but he stops dead on his track when he sees Dylan. He contemplates on what to do, suddenly panicking with the sight of the older guy. He starts to turn around, hoping that Dylan won’t see him, but of course the universe has a different plan for him when he hears Dylan’s voice. “Niall!” 

Niall sighs slightly, before he turns around to face the older guy. “Dylan. Hi.” He says, trying to maintain his cool, hoping that he is not acting too awkward. “Haven’t seen you around.” 

Dylan nods at him. “Yeah, I know, I've been, um, drowning in work lately.” The guy says, pointing at the thick books on the table. 

Niall eyes the books, and nods. “Oh, I’m sorry.” 

Dylan smiles at him. “Now it seems like a good time to pursue my childhood dream of becoming a game show host because, um, this medic thing, got to be 200 pages by tomorrow.” He tells Niall. 

“I guess scamming is out of the question?” Niall says, trying to joke. Lame, he knows. 

Dylan chuckles. “Yeah, I don’t think my future patients would appreciate that.” 

Niall nods again. “Probably not.” He says simply, but then he blurts out. “So, I guess that means you’ve busy nights too, huh?” 

“Actually, I think I’m free on Friday.” Dylan says, staring at Niall. “Want to do something?” 

Niall’s eyes widens. “Friday?” He asks, trying to hide his excitement. “Yeah, sure.” 

Dylan smiles at him again and Niall feels like his heart is about to burst out of happiness. “Great. There’s this reading in campus, I was gonna check it out.”

“Yeah, I’d love to.” Niall says, shifting his feet, trying to control himself from jumping in joy. 

“Well, great. I’ll call you and we’ll set the time up.” 

Niall smiles, nodding at the older guy. “Awesome, okay. Friday night. I’ll see you then.” He says, waving Dylan off slightly, before he turns around and that’s when he can’t contain his happy grin. He walks towards the front counter and is still smiling to himself when he notices Zayn. 

“Oh, hey.” Niall greets as soon as their eyes meet each other’s. 

Zayn raises his eyebrows as he looks at Niall’s fidgety body. “Did you just steal something?” 

Niall chuckles, shaking his head. “No, of course not.” 

Zayn nods, used of Niall’s weirdness that occurs sometimes. It’s endearing, really. “Actually, I’m dropping by to tell you, that The Eagles concert is on Friday.” He tells Niall, knowing that the band is one of the boy’s favorites, as far as Zayn can recall. 

“The Eagles?” Niall asks, eyes widening in excitement, as he stares at Zayn disbelievingly. 

Zayn nods. “Yeah, they’re in town, playing for the show. I’m going to go. I’m actually going to pick up tickets right now, but I want to see if you like, you know, go with me or something.”

Niall is about to say yes, before he remembers the little conversation that he had with Dylan earlier. “Oh, I wish I could.” He says, sighing slightly before he continues. “But I, actually can’t. I can’t.” 

“Why, you got a date or something?” Zayn asks, smiling at Niall. His smile falters when Niall responds with a nod. “Oh.”

“I’m sorry.” Niall apologizes. “Is it too weird to talk about this stuff?” He asks, but then he shakes his head. “No, it is. It is. We shouldn’t talk about this.”

Zayn shakes his head, trying to muster a happy smile for Niall. “No, it’s great. We can talk about this. It’s not a big deal. I mean, that’s awesome. Really.” 

Niall nods, smiling slightly at Zayn. “Thanks.” 

“Yeah.” Zayn replies simply, not knowing what else to say. To be frank, he is quite surprised. He was under the impression that Niall is still single, apparently, the other boy has a date now, and it’s not him. “So we can do the band thing another time.” 

Niall nods. “Yeah, totally. Absolutely. Anytime.” He says. “I should..” He says, gesturing to the unattended tables at the café. 

“Yeah. Okay.” Zayn says. “I should probably go too. See you later.” He adds, before he turns around, quickly getting out of the café, feeling like his heart is about to burst with disappointment.

*************

“So, he dropped me off at 9 o’clock, gave me a hug and left. I mean, does it even count as a date if you don’t go for dinner?” Niall asks, leaning his back on the fridge, with his arms crossed over his chest. 

“Unless you’re scaring him.” Louis replies to his brother. 

“Louis!” Harry scolds. 

Niall shakes his head, ignoring his brother’s comment. “My head is going to explode. I have never been so confused by a guy’s behavior.” He says.

“Maybe he’s playing hard to get.” Harry points out. 

Niall sighs heavily, shaking his head again. “No, I’m telling you, Harry, it’s over.” 

Louis raises his eyebrows, staring at his brother. “Was it really ever started?” 

Niall rolls his eyes. “Yes, Louis. And now it’s over. Not that I even know what it was to begin with, I mean, he kissed me, then he asked me out.”

“More like you were asking him out.” Harry says. 

“It was a mutual asked out.” Niall replies. 

“Right, doesn’t happen.” Louis deadpans. 

“And we went out for a date, but most of the time we didn’t even talked and oh my god, maybe I laughed at the wrong moment, I mean, it’s so weird when people do that.” Niall says, muttering to himself but Louis and Harry hear him anyway. 

Harry shakes his head. “No, I’m sure you didn’t.” He says, trying to reassure his best friend. 

Niall shrugs. “But that doesn’t even matter. I’m over him.” He says, and right at that moment, the front door is opened and Dylan walks in. Niall quickly straightens up, smiling sweetly at the guy. “Hey.” 

Louis rolls his eyes at his brother’s change of demeanour. “Yeah, _over_ him.” He whispers to Niall’s ears as he walks pass his brother, and nods at Harry. “You ready to go out?” 

Niall watches as his brother and boyfriend walk out of the door before he notices Dylan is approaching him. “So, what’s up?” The older guy asks. 

“Nothing much. Just heading off to the library.” Niall says, before he starts to move to the couch and grabbing his bag.

“Okay.” Dylan says, nodding at Niall. “Have a good one.” He adds before making his way towards his room. 

Niall nods, starting to walk towards the front door before he stops abruptly, and turns around. “Seriously, _‘have a good one’_?” 

That makes Dylan stops walking, before he turns to look at Niall in confusion. “Huh?” 

Niall stares at the older guy. “Do you like me?” 

“What? Yeah, of course-“

Niall shakes his head before Dylan can finish. “No, no, no. I mean, do you _like_ me? Because frankly I’m confused. You kissed me, and then I didn’t hear from you and we went out for a date which I asked you out for and now I’ve no idea what’s going on, which usually I do. Or maybe I know what’s going on because last night was clearly….lame.” 

He watches as Dylan raises his eyebrows at him. “Really? I had a nice time.” 

Niall blinks his eyes rapidly, not expecting that from the older guy. “You did?” 

Dylan nods. “Yeah.”

“Then why did you cut it so short?” Niall asks curiously. That question has been plagued into his mind since their night ended. 

“Because I had 4 hours of lab to finish.” Dylan says, before he starts to step closer towards Niall. “Niall, you know what percentage of med student dropped out in their first year? Get kicked out?” He says before he continues. “I really like you, but I want to be a doctor for my entire life, and so far I haven’t able to figure out to do that yet and get more than 4 hours to sleep at night, you know? Much less, have a boyfriend.” 

“Hey, I’m not looking for a boyfriend.” Niall says, staring at Dylan. 

“Well, that’s cool. Because all I have time for right now, is being casual. And if you aren’t into casual, I totally understand.” 

Niall shakes his head. “No. It’s not that I’m not into it, I’m just, um, don’t really know what casual mean. All my past relationships have been _relationship_ right from the start you know?” 

Dylan nods understandingly. “I was the same way. It’s like, in high school, you don’t really date, you just like automatically couple, you know.”

Niall shrugs. “I guess, it’s just scary, you know. The thought of being totally single.” He admits truthfully. 

Dylan stares at Niall, before he nods and smiling slightly at Niall. “Yeah, I know. But it’s cool too. It’s like you’re able to think about stuff that you wouldn’t had the headspace to think about. Like, what’s really important to you? What do you want in your life?” 

Niall hums for a moment, contemplating on his answer. “Urm, a degree. But now, I haven’t think about my major yet.” 

“Well, don’t stress about it. I’m sure you’ll figure it out.” Dylan says, trying to assure him. “Look, I’ve to go to read the book. But, um, I’ll call you later this week, okay?” He adds, before he gives Niall a peck on the cheek, and walks towards his room, leaving Niall alone, but with a lighter feeling than before.

*************

“So, how it goes with Dylan?” Harry asks. “Are you guys going out again?” 

Niall glances up from his task to look at Harry. “Urm, yes, actually.” He admits shyly. 

Harry grins happily at his best friend. “That’s great! Oh, my god, he’s so hot.” 

“Hello, boyfriend here.” Louis whines, squinting his eyes at Harry. 

Harry rolls his eyes. “Not for me, for Niall.” He tells his boyfriend, before turns to look at Niall again. “When are you going out next?” 

Niall shrugs, still smiling. “I don’t know. We left it open. Um, might see him this weekend, I don’t know yet, just playing it by ear.”

Louis raises his eyebrows at his brother. “Wait, do you actually know what that means?” 

Niall laughs, shrugging. “In theory, yes. But it sounds nice. It’s not like I’m having a torture, intense relationship thing.” And right at the moment Niall finishes the sentence, Zayn opens the front door. 

He glances at Harry, before they both burst out laughing at the timing. Then Niall shakes his head, smiling at his ex-boyfriend. “Hey. Want to join us? We’re trying to make a dough for pie.” 

Zayn looks at them, pulling off his jacket and walks towards the kitchen. “Sure.” He says, standing up beside Niall at the kitchen.

Niall glances at Zayn briefly, smiling at him. “You seem happy.” He points out. 

Zayn returns the smile, nodding at Niall. “Had a good day yesterday. I went to the mountain yesterday, just enjoying the nature, relaxing.” 

Niall nods. “Oh, sounds nice.” He says, but then he laughs shaking his head. “We’re starting to sound really old.” 

Zayn laughs as well, nodding, agreeing with Niall. “Yeah, I guess hanging out with 15-years old has that effect on you. You start feeling wise, like you’re making a difference in somebody’s life.” 

Louis rolls his eyes at both of his brother and Zayn, before he starts to pick his dough and throws the chunks on both of them. And not so long after, it leads to a food fight that leaves all of them laughing in stitches for hours.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter preview: 
> 
> “I like Niall. I mean, he’s really great. But, we’ve only been on maybe three dates and you two obviously have a history together and I’ve been where you are.” Dylan says. 
> 
> Zayn shakes his head. “You have no idea where I’ve been.” He says firmly. “And makes you think this has something to do with Niall?” 
> 
> “Well, I don’t want to play this game, Zayn. And the truth is, I’m a big believer in a guy’s code. If you want me to back off, I mean, if you _really_ want me to stop dating Niall, I will.” Dylan says. 
> 
> Zayn stares at the older guy, before he finally nods. “Okay.” He says. “Stop dating Niall.” 


	6. Does he know?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a horrible person :/ Sorry for not updating this for so long. I got distracted and went away for vacation and lost inspiration and got busy with works. Yeah, too many things, but that's no excuse on how horrible I've been, I know. *sigh*. 
> 
> Anyway, enjoy xx

“Maybe I should take them off.” 

Louis shakes his head at his boyfriend. “You can if you want to.”

“Yeah, they’re kind getting in the way, don’t you think?”

“Okay, okay, seriously, it’s up to you.” Louis says, pulling away slightly from their kiss and take the glasses away from Harry’s face. 

Harry smiles, before pulling Louis’s face closer to him again. “See, isn’t that better?” 

Louis nods, kissing Harry again and starts to grind his body against Harry. He finds the edge of Harry’s shirt, slipping his hand into the shirt and starts to roam against Harry’s bare skin. 

Harry’s eyes widen, realising on what Louis is doing before he scrambles away from his boyfriend, and subsequently falls from the bed to the floor. 

Louis stares at him from the edge of the bed, concern laced in his eyes. “Are you okay?” 

“I’m fine.” Harry says, voice squealing slightly. “I’m just..urm, just wasn’t expecting that.” He tells his boyfriend and accepts Louis’s hand to get him off the floor before they both sit at the edge of the bed. 

“Okay, okay.” Louis says. “So, I know you don’t want to have sex because of the Bible, but the thing is, I don’t think there’s anything in there about getting to…urm, you know?”

Harry shakes his head. “Well, it’s not about the Bible, it’s about timing, you know. It’s just, not, urm, the right time.” He says. 

“Oh, yeah.” Louis drawls. “Okay, out of curiosity, what do you mean when you say it’s not the right time?” 

Harry shrugs. “I don’t know. My dad’s at the kitchen making dinner.” He says, looking at Louis. “Are you mad?”

“No. No, no.” Louis replies quickly, shaking his head. “It’s just seems like you’re kind of making excuses why we can’t do ‘stuff’.”

“That’s not true at all!”

“Except that it kind of is.” 

Harry is about to argue again when they both are interrupted by the knocking on the door. “Come in.” Harry hollers. 

His dad’s face appears on the door. “Harry, you have a visitor.” 

Harry turns around, raising his eyebrows curiously and he notices the person behind his father, he grins widely. “Nonny!”

*************

Zayn walks into the kitchen, opening the fridge to get some milk and grab a glass. His father still isn’t saying anything, so he squints his eyes at his father curiously. “What are you doing?”

“Huh?” Yasir replies distractedly, his eyes are still not leaving the backdoor. 

Zayn crosses his arm over his chest, watching his father’s action. “You’ve been staring at Nina’s back for ten minutes.” 

Yasir hums before he turns around to face his son. “What? No, I was just worried about her.” He says quickly. “So, what’s happening with Niall? Was he really seeing somebody else?”

Zayn shrugs, knowing that his father doesn’t want to talk about Nina. “Yeah, you were right.” He replies. “I mean, I don’t know who it is, probably just some random loser, but I’m sure it’s nothing.”

Yasir nods. “Yeah, it’s probably nothing.”

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure it’s ‘getting back in the game’ date thing. It’s not he’s already in love with this guy.” 

Yasir shakes his head. “No. Very doubtful.” He says supportively. “Does that mean you’re gonna tell him how you feel?”

Zayn shrugs, shaking his head. “No, I mean, I don’t think there’s any need to rush into that.” He tells his father. “I’m not going anywhere. He’s not going anywhere. I figure, work the ‘friends’ thing for a while and see how it goes.”

*************

Zayn rubs his sleepy eyes, yawning slightly as he throws off his blanket. He is so thirsty, and quite mad at himself for not preparing a glass of water near his bed. If only he did that, he won’t need to get out of his bed like he has to now. He starts to walk towards the kitchen, trying not to bump into anything in the dark, but he stops walking when he hears the familiar voices near the front door.

“Okay, I’ve got to go.” Niall’s voice is heard, and Zayn’s eyes suddenly widen. 

“Stay.” 

Zayn raises his eyebrows as he hears Dylan’s voice too. He steps forwards, trying to see both of the guys. But he regrets his decision when he sees Niall and Dylan. Locking lips. Niall’s arms are around Dylan’s neck, and he can’t help but notice how Dylan is wrapping his arms tightly around Niall’s waist, and they both are kissing passionately. 

“No, I got to go.” Niall says when he pulls away from Dylan. “But I’ll call you.” He adds, before kissing Dylan one more time and walks out of the apartment. 

Zayn’s heart pounds rapidly, still processing on what’s happening and he quickly leans his back against the wall when Dylan closes the door and starts to turn around. He tries to be as quiet as he can, although he wants to scream his heart out. How come he doesn’t know that Niall is dating Dylan? Dylan, who is a pre-med student, who is taller than Zayn, older and definitely not some random loser who is dating Niall like Zayn had assumed. In that moment, Zayn knows he’s screwed.

*************

“Isn’t there a law against doing that before noon?” Zayn asks as he walks into the kitchen and takes a seat beside Louis on the stool.

Dylan glances up and pauses on what he is doing with the coffee maker. “Oh, I’m sorry man, it’s just my morning coffee is the key to my whole day. This brand is serious. I swear, it costs like 20 bucks a bean.”

Zayn shrugs carelessly, glancing at Dylan briefly. “Is that why you can’t afford a shirt?” He deadpans, obviously pointing out at the fact that the other guy is shirtless at the moment. 

Louis glances up from his cereal bowl, looking at Dylan briefly, and then at Zayn, before he continues eating his cereal in silent, not wanting to meddle with those two. 

Dylan smiles at Zayn. “It’s worth it, though.” He says, pouring the coffee in a cup and passes it to Zayn. “Here. Check it out.”

Zayn shakes his head. “No, that’s alright. I don’t do coffee.”

Dylan nods. “Suit yourself.” He says, before he takes the cup back and makes his way towards his bedroom, leaving both Zayn and Louis alone at the kitchen. 

Zayn watches as Dylan closes his door before he turns to face Louis. “I need to talk to you about something.” 

Louis raises his eyebrows at him. “About the coffee?”

“No, not about the coffee.” Zayn says, shaking his head. “About the apartment. Specifically, my crawl space.”

Louis grins. “Ha, you’re finally gonna do the hanging-bead idea I was talking about, huh? It’ll look dope. It’ll be like a saloon.”

Zayn shakes his head. “It’s too small. I’ve seven piano students now and I think I could afford to pay more rent. We don’t have to split it three ways anymore. What do you think?” 

Louis stares at Zayn, leaning closer towards his friend. “You want to kick him out?” He whispers. 

“Well, we don’t really need him anymore.” 

“Yeah, but isn’t that kind of cold? I mean, he’s a pretty cool guy.” Louis says. “He’s really stressed out with the whole med-school thing right now.”

“You are right.” Zayn says suddenly, cutting Louis off. “Never mind.”

Louis nods, before he takes his bowl and starts to stand up, heading towards the sink. “Is this about the toothpaste thing? Because, I mean, I can tell him to stop buying that vanilla stuff.”

Zayn shakes his head. “No, it’s not the toothpaste thing.” He says. “Forget I say anything. Just forget it.”

Louis puts the bowl down into the sink, before he turns around and stares at his friend’s face. And the realization dawns on him. “Oh, crap. You know about him and Niall, huh?”

“What? Yeah, but I mean, I knew, I’ve known about that for a while now.” Zayn lies. 

Louis snorts, shaking his head at Zayn’s attempt to lie. “Really? Because it just happened.” 

“Yeah, well, he told me when it did happen, and it’s not that, okay? It just, I thought it’d be cool if it was just you and me living here but obviously it was a bad idea, so let’s just drop it.” 

Louis shakes his head, refuses to accept the excuse. “Man, I was gonna tell you if I thought it got serious.”

Zayn shrugs. “It’s not that. I don’t care about that, alright? We don’t have to talk about it.” He says, before standing up. “I’m already late for classes.” He adds, before walks out and leaves Louis alone. 

“Idiot.” Louis mutters under his breath.

*************

“Man, you totally broke the house.” Louis says, once he steps into his parent’s kitchen and shaking his head at the mess.

Niall moves his head away from the refrigerator and looks at his brother. “Do not comment. I’m cleaning tomorrow. I’ve purchased several thousand garbage bags, so, it’s all good.”

“Oh, great. Well, too bad that mom and dad are coming home today.” 

Niall’s eyes widens. “What?!” 

Louis looks at his brother and laughs out loud at the expression on the younger boy’s face. “Oh, you’re so easy.” He says, still laughing at his little brother, earning him a box of cereal thrown at him. He shakes his head. “Oh, and thank you by the way for telling Zayn about you and Dylan. It created all kinds of drama all over the place, and totally ruining my cereal time.”

Niall stops pulling out things from refrigerator, and turns around to look at his brother again. “I never told Zayn about Dylan.” 

Louis raises his eyebrows. “Oh, yeah? Well, he knows.” 

“What? How? Well, what did he say? Is he okay? Is he upset? Should I call him?” 

Louis snorts. “Oh, get over yourself. It’s not like you’re his world.” He deadpans. “He’s fine.”

Niall rolls his eyes at his brother. “Well, if he’s fine, why are you here?”

“Nothing. I’m just kinda bored and has nothing to do, so I figure why not dropping by here.”

“But you usually do that when mom is at home.” Niall says. He stares at Louis for a moment, before he grins brightly. “Aw, Louis, are you checking up on me?” He asks, and when his brother looks flustered, Niall’s grin becomes wider than before. “Can you help me clean up the house? Please?” 

Louis says no, at least at the beginning but eventually crumbles under those big blue eyes of his brother. They spend the whole day cleaning the house, just by themselves and ends up having a movie night.

*************

“Hey, did you know what happened to my coffee? I just made a fresh pot.” Dylan asks when he reaches the kitchen and finds his empty pot in the sink.

Zayn stops walking on his way out of the kitchen. “Oh, sorry, I thought it was old so I threw it out. It smelled like it was burning.”

Dylan nods. “Oh, honest mistake.” 

“Hey, let me ask you a question. I mean, no offense, but how does somebody go from an Ivy undergrad to Trinity for med school. I mean, it seems like kind of a huge step downward.” 

Dylan clears his throat, before he steps closer towards Zayn and starts to speak up. “You know, when you and I first met, I didn’t exactly get all warm and fuzzy. But lately, you’ve taken it up a notch, no offense, but you’re kind of being an ass.” He says to Zayn. “Look, man, I got a lot on my plate now, alright? Med school is kicking my ass and I really don’t want this to be an uncomfortable place for either one of us to live. I mean, home is supposed to be like a sanctuary. “

“You gonna get to the point eventually, right?” Zayn deadpans. 

Dylan stares at him. “I like Niall. I mean, he’s really great. But, we’ve only been on maybe three dates and you two obviously have a history together and I’ve been where you are.” Dylan says. 

Zayn shakes his head. “You have no idea where I’ve been.” He says firmly. “And makes you think this has anything to do with Niall?” 

“Look, I don’t have time to play this game, Zayn. And the truth is, I’m a big believer in a guy code so if you want me to back off, I mean, if you _really_ want me to stop dating Niall, I will.” Dylan says. 

Zayn stares at the older guy, before he finally nods. “Okay.” He says. “Stop dating Niall.” 

It takes a moment, as they both stare at each other, before Dylan finally nods. “Done.” He says, before he starts to walk towards his room. But then he stops walking, and looks at Zayn again. “But for what it’s worth, you might want to tell him how you feel because otherwise I don’t really see the point to any of this. Do you?”

*************

Zayn raises his eyebrows at the front door of the Horan’s home, which is wide open and he can hear some music from the living room. He stepped in, and smiles when he sees Niall, with his rubber gloves on, is busy cleaning the house.

“Uh, hairball mixed with carpet buzz with the remnants of what used to be a Dorito.”

Niall whips around to face Zayn, and shakes his head. “That’s scary, both of the hairball and your knowledge of what it was.” He says, before throwing the dirt into the garbage bag. 

Zayn shrugs. “Yeah, well, don’t you forget, I live with your brother.” He says. “You know your front door was wide open?”

Niall nods. “Yeah, I’m just airing out the smell.” He tells Zayn. “Took my parents leaving for 10 days for me to realize that I am actually a closet slob.”

“Well, I already knew that.” Zayn says, smiling at the other boy. “Every time you left my garage last year, it was like Pig Pen had just been there. Sometimes, when I think about you, I envision this dust cloud over your head.”

Niall chuckles, shaking his head. “Guess that makes you the obsessive peanut who’s banging away at his piano.”

Zayn grins. “Well, people love Schroeder.” 

Niall hums before moving to the other corner of the living room, picking up random things to be thrown off. Zayn follows his trail, grabbing the garbage bag on his way.

Niall smiles gratefully at him. “Thanks.” 

Zayn nods. Then, he starts to clear his throat, trying to get Niall’s attention. “So, um, I wanted to talk to you about something.”

Niall sighs, putting his arms over his waist, staring at Zayn. “I know.”

“You do?” 

Niall nods. “Except I still don’t know how.” 

Zayn raises his eyebrows. “How you know?”

“No, how you know.”

They both stare at each other, and at the same time, they chorus, “I’m confused.” 

Niall shakes his head. “Um, you know about Dylan?” 

“Yeah.” Zayn replies, nodding. “Because I saw you guys the other night in front of our front door.”

“Oh, my god.” Niall mutters, sighing slightly. “Zayn, I am, I am so sorry, that’s really embarrassing.” 

Zayn shakes his head. “No, it’s fine, no big deal.”

“No, no, I thought you guys were sleeping. I obviously would never-“Niall trails off, not really looking to into Zayn’s eyes, because he feels embarrassed.

“Totally fine. Don’t even think about it.” Zayn says dismissively.

Niall sits on the edge of the couch, and stares at Zayn again. “And I was gonna tell you, I was.” He says. “I just wanted to see if it turned into something, you know?” He tells Zayn. “The minute you moved into that apartment, I should’ve told you that I liked him.” 

Zayn raises his eyebrows in confusion. “Wait, you knew Dylan before I moved into the apartment?” He asks curiously. 

Niall nods. “Yeah. I’m kind of the reason why he’s living with you guys.” He says. “I had a crush on him when I thought he was straight. Or actually, before I knew he was straight and then found out he wasn’t, but anyways.”

“Oh, I guess I just, I didn’t realize that you’d know him so long. I mean, I didn’t know that you knew him at all.” Zayn says. His plan to tell Niall the truth about his feeling slightly faltered by the realization that Niall had known Dylan beforehand. He feels stupid for not realizing that fact. 

“Yeah, I met him at the hospital last summer.” Niall tells Zayn. “But the point is, Zayn, I am _so_ sorry. We’ve just never been in a situation like this and I didn’t know how to handle it.” 

Zayn shakes his head. “No, it’s fine, no big deal.” He lies. “Whoever you decide to date or whatever has got nothing to do with me, I mean, I – whatever. We’re friends, right?” 

“Right.” 

“Yeah, so we should be able to talk about this stuff, or, also not have to talk about this stuff, or, you know, whatever we want.” 

Niall nods. “Yeah, absolutely. Definitely.” He says. “So, is that why you came over?” He asks curiously. “You wanted to talk about that?”

“Uh-“Zayn trails off, staring at the boy in front of him, debating whether to tell Niall the truth or continue to hide his feeling. “Yeah.” So, hide it is. “Yeah, I mean, I just, I didn’t want you to feel weird or anything.” 

“Oh, that’s really amazing of you, Zayn.” Niall says, smiling at the other boy. “Thank you.” 

Zayn nods, shifting his feet awkwardly, suddenly feeling lost on what more to say. He glances at the door, before he looks at Niall again. “So, I will, um, I’ll just, you know, I’ll see you around?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyway, I just posted one-shot of Ziall fic earlier this week. :)


	7. Please, don't leave me

Niall leans back against the couch, still chuckling at the way his father is presenting the pictures from the trip that he had went to with his mother. “And where’s your tongue depressor when you need it?” His father says as he shows the picture of animal at the big screen. 

All of them laugh again. 

He glances slightly at his brother besides him when Louis leans to his right, whispering to Harry. “Sorry. This should only take about 10 more hours.” 

“Now, this is Tepilit. He’s Masai.” His father continues. 

Before anyone can comment anything, Niall’s grandmother starts to speak up. “And who’s the moron in the George of the Jungle outfit?” 

Niall laughs at his father’s face upon hearing his grandma’s words. He shakes his head when he sees his father’s pout and smiles at his mother when she enters the living room, with a plate of fruit in her hand, followed by Nina. 

“Niall James, I must say, this house looks fantastic, better than when we left.” 

Niall grins at his mother. “Oh, well, you know, when you clean as you go, it’s not so hard.” He says, and ignores the way Louis is rolling his eyes at him. 

“Oh, Maura dear, remember this?” His father asks, and all of them are paying attention to the older man again, looking at the next picture on the screen. 

“Oh, yes, that was a glorious day.” His mother replies. “Linda took us to this little village.” 

“Olookomboshi.” 

“And the children were just adorable.” His mother adds. “Most of them were orphans. They have absolutely nothing. But when they smile, they just- oh, they just light up your life.”

Niall smiles when his father wraps his arm around his mother. “Linda is my sister, who abandoned us for the less fortunate.” The man explains towards Carol, Harry’s grandmother. 

Carol smiles at Bobby, nodding. “Yes, Harry filled me in.” 

Bobby smiles at her. “Of course, of course. You probably know more about my family than I do.” 

The older woman chuckles. “Well, I think that goes both ways.” She says. “I can see that he’s been loved by everyone here. I mean, you really have become another family for him.” She continues. “Which is why this is so difficult to say.” 

Niall stares at both Harry and the woman curiously. “What is?” 

“Well, Harry and I have talked about this a lot and she’s decided to come with me next week.” 

“You going on another cruise?” Niall hears Louis asks. 

Carol shakes her head. “No, Louis. Back to London.” 

Niall blinks his eyes rapidly. “What?” 

Harry looks at all of them, taking a deep breath before he speaks up. “It’s just that nonnie is by herself now after my grandfather died, and well, now there’s really no reason for me to stay.” He says, then he shakes his head quickly, retracting his words. “I’m sorry, that came out wrong.” He adds. “I think it’s time for me to go home.”

*************

“Party at Sheridan, this weekend.” 

Niall glances up from his work and looks at the random student that has dropped the flier on his table. “Oh, sorry, I can’t go.”

The guy pulls out his earphone, obviously not hearing on what Niall had just said. “What?” 

Niall shakes his head, staring at the guy. “No, I said, I can’t go, but thanks.” 

“Whatever. Keep that flier.” The guy tells Niall. “I’m getting paid 10 bucks to hand them out to hot people.” He adds, before he turns around and bumps into Dylan. “Sorry, man.”

Niall watches the guy goes away, before he looks at Dylan. “Oh, hey.” He says tentatively, starting to stand up from his seat. 

“Hey.” Dylan says, walking closer towards Niall’s spot. “How’s it going?” 

Niall nods. “Good, good.” He replies curtly, not knowing on what else to say.

Dylan nods too. “Um, so, are you gonna go to that? I heard Sheridan’s pretty crazy dorm.” 

“Ah, no I can’t. I’m having my own party, actually. Well, throwing one.” He says, shaking his head. “You heard about Harry, right?” 

“Yeah, he’s leaving town, right?” 

Niall nods. “Yeah, so we’re having a surprise going away party.” He says before he adds, “You should come.” 

“Thanks, I totally would.” Dylan replies. “But I should probably spend this weekend studying. I knew med school was a ton of work. I just didn’t realize it was gonna be insane.” 

“Yeah, yeah, no, I get it.” Niall says, cutting the other guy off. When Dylan nods, and starts to walk away, Niall starts to speak up again. “Hey, but I gotta ask you, and I feel pretty stupid even bringing this up because we’re kind of hanging out and being casual right now, but-“ he trails off. “We’re not really hanging out and being casual anymore, are we? I mean, ever since we said we’d do that, we’ve barely seen each other.” 

“Yeah.” Dylan replies shortly. “I know, I’m sorry, I just-“

“You don’t have to keep making excuses.” Niall says, shaking his head. “If you don’t wanna go out with me-“

“Hey, I swear, it’s not that.” 

“Well, then what is it?” Niall asks, eyes pleading with Dylan to tell him the truth. Tell him the reason why they suddenly stopped communicating and why does it feels awkward between them at the moment. 

“I think I just miscalculated, you know? I thought I’d be able to handle dating and school but as it turns out, I’m not as smart as I thought that I was.” 

Niall nods understandingly, smiling slightly at him. “Don’t you hate it when that happens?” 

Dylan returns the smile. “Yeah, I do.” He says. “I’m sorry. No, I know I already said that.” 

“Hey, I get it, it’s cool.” Niall says dismissively. “It’s fine.” 

“Okay. Have fun at your party.” Dylan says, starts to leave. “And I’ll see you around, okay?” 

Niall nods. “Okay, see you.”

*************

“Are you sure I can’t interest you in a peanut-butter sandwich dipped in cold tomato soup?” 

Niall rolls his eyes. “It’s the dipping that freaks people out, Zayn. Why must you dip?” 

Harry chuckles slightly at both of them. “No, we’re gonna go to this tapas place just outside of Dublin. I figure it may be my last chance to eat there for a while.” 

Niall raises his eyebrows. “Haven’t you guys been there already?” 

“Yes, but only because Louis thought I said ‘topless.’” Harry says. “But I think he still liked it, didn’t you?” He asks, glancing at his boyfriend beside him. 

Louis glances up, and snaps out of his own thought before he nods. “Yeah, yeah. So should we go?” 

Once both Harry and Louis leaves the apartment, Zayn looks at Niall. “Poor guy. He’s taking it pretty hard, huh?” He says, referring to the way Louis has been gloomy since Harry had announced that he would move back to London. 

Niall nods. “I know. It just seems so sad, you know? It’s like they finally got their moment and..” He trails off. “It’s just really unfair, I think.” 

“You need any help planning?” Zayn asks. “You want me to call anybody or do anything?” 

Niall smiles slightly at him. “Sure, yeah. Let me find my list of people.” He says, before starts to rummage through his backpack. 

Zayn stares at Niall, noticing the lack of enthusiasm and energy that the other guy used to have. “You’re alright?” 

Niall snaps out from his stupor, and turns his head to look at Zayn. “Um, yeah.” He replies, before shifting his body and leans against the couch again. “I just can’t believe he’s really leaving.” He says. “I understand why he’s going and I know it’s the right thing for him to do, but-,“ he trails off, sighing slightly. “I just feel like I’m losing my best friend.” He tells Zayn. “Who am I kidding? I’m losing my only friend.” 

“Hey, that’s not true.” 

Niall shakes his head. “I know you and I are friends, Zayn.”

“No, this is not about me, all right? I get that. Don’t worry.” Zayn says reassuringly. 

“It’s just, Harry’s like the only significant person in my life right now.” Niall tells Zayn. “I guess I didn’t realize how much I’d been depending on him for, like, everything.” 

Zayn stares at Niall, hates it when he sees the gloomy expression on the other guy’s face. “But I’m sure you’ve met some people at school, right?” 

Niall sighs. “Well, that’s the thing. I tried to be all joinery at the beginning of the year and ended up going to these big mass-party things where no one would know or even care that I was there.” 

“Well, isn’t that what all parties are like?” 

“I guess.” Niall replies. “I’m just used to being the one to throw the parties so usually I know everyone who’s there.” He says, earning a chuckle from Zayn. Then his eyes widens. “Oh my god, is this how you’ve felt the entire time you’ve been in Mullingar?” 

Zayn shakes his head. “No, no, I mean, I wouldn’t blame it entirely on Mullingar.” He tells Niall. “You know, I’ve been antisocial since the womb, so…but it was easier when we were- you know, when everything- that was much easier.” 

Niall averts his eyes away from Zayn, nodding slightly. “Yeah, well, you know, it’s always easier when you’re a couple.” He says. “Hard part is becoming a couple, I guess. Which is apparently gonna be impossible for me this year, so..” He trails off, then sighs heavily. 

“Well, what about Dylan? I mean, weren’t…? Aren’t you guys are…?”

Niall shakes his head. “That’s not happening anymore.” He says. “I don’t even know if it ever even did happen, you know?” He tells Zayn, instinctively leaning his head towards Zayn’s shoulder. “All I know is he will not be filling the Harry void. Not that anybody ever could.” He says. “I just finally felt like there was someone in the world who got me. Now he’s leaving, you know?”

*************

Harry hears the knock on the door and he glances up, only to find his brother, stepping into his room. 

“I’m pretty sure they have ketchup in London.” Zayn comments, and Harry laughs, realizing that his brother is commenting about the tiny bottles in his hand. 

“Louis gave these to me.” Harry tells his brother. 

Zayn snorts. “Yeah, flowers are too predictable.” 

Harry smiles, glancing at the bottles, and shrugs. “It was last year. Long story.” He tells Zayn. It was the story between him and Louis, and he was pretty sure that he won’t share it with Zayn. “What are you doing here?”

Zayn raises his eyebrows at his brother. “A person can’t drop by unexpected? And in case you forgot, I used to live here too, you know.” 

Harry laughs, rolling his eyes at his brother. “Well, some people can, but you’re not really a dropper-byer, unless you want to do your laundry, or maybe free dinner.” He jokes. 

Zayn snorts, but nods anyway, because after all it’s the truth. “You’re right, you’re right.” He admits. “I think you should stay in Mullingar.” He blurts out. “I know you probably wanna get out of here before everybody has a chance to convince you otherwise. Trust me, I know how that goes.” 

“Zayn-“ 

“Running away from your problems isn’t gonna solve you anything.” 

Harry puts down the tiny bottles on the floor, before he stands up, facing his brother properly. “You know that’s not what I’m doing. You know nonnie needs someone to be there with her.” 

Zayn sighs slightly, and nodding. “I know you’re her favorite grandson.” 

“No, I’m not.” Harry says quickly, and chuckles when he sees Zayn’s expression. “Okay, maybe I am. But that’s not the point. I don’t want her to be lonely at the house.”

Zayn smiles at his brother. “I know. You’re too nice for your own good, Harry. I’m glad one of us has been brought up nicely.” 

Harry laughs. “You come here just to compliment me?” He teases. 

Zayn shakes his head. “You really need to stay. I’m sure nonnie needs you, but, I mean, there’s some people here who need you as well.”

“But I thought you and dad are fine with it?” Harry asks. 

Zayn nods. “Yeah, it’s not us. I mean, other people.” 

“Louis will be fine.” 

Zayn sighs, shaking his head. “I’m not talking about Louis, I’m talking about Niall.” 

Harry stares at his brother. “Niall?”

“Look, he’d never want me to tell you this so you can’t tell him that it came from me, but he’s devastated.” Zayn says. “I mean, I haven’t seen him like this in- I mean, I don’t even know when.” He adds. “I mean, he’s trying to act all happy and positive because he doesn’t want to burden anybody but that’s just how he is, you know? But the fact is, he needs you more than he lets on. He would never ask you to stay, so somebody’s got to.” He continues, staring at Harry. “I just can’t stand to see him this sad.” 

Harry blinks, and he stares at his brother’s expression, and his heart feels like it can combust at any second when he realizes. “Oh, Zayn.”

“What?” 

“You still love him.” 

Zayn neither deny nor confirm the statement but Harry knows it, he knows that his brother is still in love with Niall. 

“Fact is, there’s people here that care about you and I think you belong here. You already know that dad and I would never stop you from your decision because you’re a big boy now, we know you can make the right decision.” Zayn says. “But just think about it, okay? About Niall?’ 

Harry smiles at his brother. “You’re a good guy, Zayn.” 

Zayn’s face flustered, and Harry grins slightly knowing that his brother is never good at receiving compliment. “Just think about it.” His brother says again, before he turns around and walks out of the room. 

Harry watches until his brother leaves and glances at the framed photo on his bedside table. It’s a picture of him and Niall, with Louis between both of them.

*************

“Hey, maybe you could get these for Nina. Everybody needs sunglasses.” Niall says as he tries on the sunglasses and stares at the mirror. 

Harry shakes his head. “Um, I’m looking for something more personal. Something that says, ‘thank you for providing me with food, and love for all these years’ but doesn’t cost more than 30 bucks.”

Niall nods understandingly, before putting back the sunglasses on the rack, before he follows Harry’s trails around the shop. “Hey, so, you have plans for your last night? I was thinking of a few places we could go. Or we could just go see a movie, but it’s totally up to you.” 

Harry stares at Niall’s back as his best friend walks passed him, acting casually but Harry knows him too well. “If it’s totally up to me, I can tell you one thing I really don’t want to do and that’s go to a surprise party in my honor.” He says and when Niall stops walking and turns around to face him with wide eyes, and mouth agape, Harry squints his eyes. “Don’t even try and deny you’re planning one.” 

“I’m gonna kill Louis.” Niall hisses. 

“Louis didn’t say anything.” Harry replies quickly. “I know you, Niall Horan.” He says, stepping closer towards his best friend. “There hasn’t been an event you haven’t wanted to throw a surprise party for. You wanted to throw a surprise party for me when I blew out my hair.” 

“Hey, that was a huge moment.” Niall protested. 

“Yeah. And I bet you’ve already made five CD mixes and put together a slide show on your Mac.” 

Niall crosses his arms over his chest, frowning slightly. “Wow, I guess I won’t turn into my mother since I’ve already turned into my father.” 

Harry smiles at Niall, shaking his head slightly. “I love that you wanna do this, but honestly, I think it’d just be too hard for me.” He tells his best friend. “Would you hate me forever if I asked you to cancel it?” 

Niall sighs slightly. “No, I understand.” He tells Harry. “But you can’t leave without fanfare. Horans need fanfare. It’s our closure.” 

“You and I don’t need any closure.” Harry tells Niall. “We’re gonna be friends forever.” 

“I know.” Niall mumbles. 

“Know what I wanna happen tomorrow night? I want you to go out. Find some college party and go crazy.” 

Niall raises his eyebrows. “You wanna go to a kegger on your last night here?” 

Harry shakes his head. “No, no, I want you to go to one, without me.” 

“No.” Niall replies quickly, like Harry had just suggested the ridiculous idea ever. 

“I’m serious, Niall. You gotta get out there, meet some new people.” Harry says. 

“Yeah, I tried that, and you know what? New people suck.” 

“Yeah, okay, I thought that too, till I met you.” Harry points out. “All bossy and driven and there for me all the time. I mean, Niall, what you gave me, I could never find a gift big enough to repay you.” 

Niall shakes his head. “You don’t have to get me anything.” 

“Don’t worry, I didn’t.” Harry says. He smiles fondly at Niall when he notices how the older boy’s eyes seems to mist and he knows how Niall is quite teary. “You’re such a great friend, you know? And not just to me, to everyone. And I’ve been selfish, keeping you to myself because I thought I’d lose you to college and all that.” He admits truthfully. “But now I know you, I’m never gonna lose you. You being in college, my being in London, it’s not gonna change us. Nothing will.” 

Niall sniffs, smiling shakily before he steps closer towards Harry and pulls him into a tight hug. 

Harry smiles, as he rests his chin atop Niall’s shoulder, and tightens the hug. “So you just – you get out there and you show all these new people how great you are, okay? You just get out there, and wow them.” 

Niall pulls away, and shakes his head at Harry. “Now you sound like my dad.” 

Harry laughs. “I know. ‘Wow them?’ What am I, like 40?”

*************

“I can’t believe Harry talked me into this.” Niall comments as he walks besides Zayn towards the party. 

“I can’t believe this was Harry’s idea. Doesn’t he have some moral objection against parties?” 

Niall shrugs. “I guess Louis’s had more impact on him than we realized, which is just scary.” He says. “But thank you for coming with me. I don’t think I could’ve gone in by myself.” He tells Zayn, smiling gratefully at him. 

Zayn shakes his head. “No, of course. I love this sort of thing. Gives me a chance to say inappropriate things to people I’ll never see again.” 

Niall laughs. “Oh, nice, just make sure they’re not people that I want to actually be friends with.” He says. 

They both stop walking when they reach in front of the building and Niall turns to face Zayn properly. “How do I look?” 

“You look great.” Zayn says sincerely. 

Niall nods, satisfied with Zayn’s answer. “Okay, let’s do this thing.” He says before he starts to walk again. 

“Okay, you just let me know when you want me to take off. Because I don’t want to crowd you one bit.”

Niall stops walking again, and turns around. “Whoa, wait. No, no, you gotta stay beside me all night. I need my wingman.” 

Zayn raises his eyebrows. “Are you sure?” 

Niall nods. “Yeah, of course. Please?” He begs, full with pouty lips and puppy eyes and Zayn sighs fondly. 

“Well, if that’s what you want, then I’m not going anywhere.”

*************

“Are we going to that French restaurant? I’ve always wanted to try frogs’ legs.” 

“Not tonight.”

Harry hums, before he speaks up again. “A movie?” 

Louis chuckles, glancing between the road and Harry, who is getting restless because of the blindfold over his eyes. “You think I would wear suit to the movies?” 

“Okay, but if I guess it, do you promise to tell me if I’m right?” 

“Um, nope.” 

Harry groans. “This is so unfair.” He whines, then he turns his head towards Louis. “Stop smirking.”

“How’d you know I was smir..?” Louis asks curiously and waves his hand in front of Harry’s face suspiciously. 

Louis stops the car a few minutes later, and Harry happily unties his blindfold and blinks his eyes to focus. “We’re at school.” 

Louis smiles and nods, before he gets out of the car, and opens the door for Harry, grabbing his hand. They walk side by side, until they reach the gym, and Harry feels more curious about what Louis had planned for him. 

He lets Louis opens the door, and he gapes as he looks inside the gym. Louis smiles at him. “Harry Edward, welcome to your senior prom.” 

“Oh, my gosh.” He gasps, still can’t believe that Louis got the gym decorated, filled with balloons, and banners, and it really looks like a prom, except that he and Louis are the only two people at the place. 

Louis stares at Harry. “I know it’s not the same as real deal, but I didn’t want to wait until June. I know you’re gonna have a prom in London and I am definitely taking you to that one, but I wanted you to have a real one, you know, at our school, in Mullingar.” He tells Harry. “Do you like it? We can go somewhere else if you don’t.” 

Harry’s smile widens as he stares at Louis. “I love it.” He says, before striding closer towards Louis and pulls him into a tight hug, and kissing him hard on the lips.

*************

“Thank you so much for my prom.” Harry says. Both he and Louis are sitting down in front of his house, after finishing their ‘prom’ night. “This whole night was just so much more than I expected or even thought I could expect, if that makes any sense.” 

Louis nods. “You can expect this from me all the time. Just so you know, I’m full of genius.” 

Harry smiles, nodding. “I know you are.” 

“And I’m planning on taking you to the airport tomorrow so we don’t have to do the heavy goodbye thing right now, okay?” Louis says, and when Harry frowns, and looks like he is about to cry, Louis looks at him in concern. “Harry?” 

“I think we should do it now.” Harry says, his voice shaky. “The whole goodbye thing.” He says. “And the whole break up thing too.” 

Louis’s eyes widens. “What?” 

Harry takes a deep breath, before he glances up to look at Louis properly. “I think we have to break up, Louis.”

“What are you talking about? No, we don’t.” 

“Yes, we do.” 

“No.” Louis replies firmly. 

“I want to keep us like this forever, the way we’re feeling right now.” Harry says. “I want to freeze it and save it. But if we try and stay together while you are here and I’m there, I just, I think it’ll be too hard.” 

Louis shakes his head. “No, it won’t be. Trust me, okay? I’ve thought about it. I’ll come visit you, call all the time.” 

Harry shrugs. “Then real life will get in the way and we’ll stop visiting and calling each other as much. And then all we’ll ever feel about each other is sad or hurt or disappointment.” 

“I would never hurt you.” Louis point out, his voice firm and sure. 

“No, I know you would never want to, and neither would I, but distance just changes things.” Harry points out. “I don’t know, maybe I’m being a coward but I really don’t want to risk losing this perfect feeling.” 

“But-“

“It’s the only perfectness I’ve ever had in my whole life.” Harry says. “And you gave it to me.” 

“Harry-“

Harry shakes his head, cutting Louis off. “And no matter what happens after tomorrow, you just- you need to know that tonight will always be my most favorite night ever, okay?” He says, and tries to wipe away the tears that manages to slip out between his words. “I just – I really love you, Louis.” He adds, pulling the older guy into a kiss. He pulls away, quickly standing up and running into his house, ignoring Louis’s call for him. 

He closes the front door, fully sobbing, and quickly makes his way towards his bedroom, not noticing his grandmother who has been watching the whole ordeal from the window.

*************

Harry quickly wipes away his tears, staring at the photo of him and Louis the night before, as he hears the knock on his door, and his grandmother’s head pops in. 

“Hi nonnie, I’m all packed and ready to go.” Harry says. “How much longer till we leave for the airport.” 

“About an hour.” His grandmother replies, before she takes a seat besides Harry at the edge of his bed. “But first, I want to ask you something.” 

Harry nods. “What’s up?” 

“What would you think about staying in Mullingar and finishing out the school year?” 

Harry blinks his eyes, once, twice. “What?” 

His grandmother nods. “I’ve been thinking about it, and it makes the most sense, don’t you think?” She asks. “You’ll be graduating in six months, and then you’ll be going off to college. I don’t see the point in tearing you away from all of your friends right now.” 

Harry shakes his head. “Nonnie, I know what you’re doing-“

“And I know what you’re doing.” His grandmother says, cutting him off. “And guess what. I’m the oldies, and you’re the teenager. I get to be the martyr, and you get to be self-centred.” 

“You know I want what’s best for you.” Harry tells her. 

His grandmother smiles at him gently. “Your happiness is what’s best for me, Harry. And you are _so_ happy here. And so grown up. It makes my heart burst. I mean, I look at you and I ask myself how this beautiful, together young man could be the same boy who wouldn’t let go of his mother’s leg in second grade. I know that, I’ve seen it with my own eyes. Boy, you wrapped your arms around her so tight, your mother had to peel your hands off to get you to let go.” 

“But nonnie, I miss you too.”

“No, I’ll visit. A lot. And you can come there whenever you want. Take some long weekends. Bring Louis.” She tells Harry. 

Harry grins widely. “Oh, my gosh. He would die to see the house.” 

His grandmother laughs and nods. “I have a feeling he would be feeling like that.” She says. “So, you don’t have to worry about me, Harry. You’re a great kid, and yes, I know I told you sometimes I feel lonely without your grandfather, but hey, it’s not that I can’t afford to fly here everytime I want to visit, right?” 

Harry smiles and nods, agreeing with her. “Are you sure about this?” 

“Positive. And you know what? It’s what your mom would’ve wanted too.” 

Harry can’t contain his happy smile anymore and he pulls his grandmother into a tight hug. “I love you nonnie!”

“I love you more.” 

He pulls away, grabbing his phone from the table. “All right. Just…do you mind..?”

His grandmother shakes her head. “Go ahead.” She says, before she stands up, and walks out of the room, leaving Harry alone. 

Harry dials the first number that he has in mind to share the good news. “Louis? It’s me.”


	8. Living love in slow motion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for not updating forever........
> 
> Anyway, enjoy this chapter. Oh, and Christelle, thank you for helping me cracking out that one little scene, you know which scene :)

“Who was Pavlov?” 

Louis scratches his chin in a thinking manner, while his other hand is tapping on the table, trying to come out with the correct answer for Harry’s question. “Pavlov. Uh, dog dude.” He replies casually, before reaching up for the foods in front of him. But Harry slaps his hand away. “Hey, why did you hit me?” He whines, pouting slightly at his boyfriend. 

Harry rolls his eyes the older guy. “Because you haven’t earned your foods yet.” He tells Louis firmly. “I seriously doubt that your professor’s gonna accept ‘dog dude’ as an answer.” 

Louis sighs, leaning back against the chair slightly. “Maybe I’m supposed to fail. Ever think of that?” He asks his boyfriend, and continue to speak before Harry can reply. “Look, I’ve tried cramming before. There’s no room in this cranium.” He says, tapping his finger against his head.

Harry shakes his head. “There’s nothing wrong with your cranium.” He deadpans. “And you’re not gonna fail, okay?” He continues. “You can’t keep pretending you’re dumb. I know that you’re not.” 

Louis raises his eyebrows. “Oh, you know that I’m not dumb?” 

“Yes.” Harry nods. 

Louis grins widely. “Maybe you’re the dumb one.” He jokes. 

Harry’s ignores Louis’s teasing and stares at his boyfriend. “Pavlov.” He says, his tone meant business and Louis seems to realize that as he starts to sit up straight again. 

“Ivan Pavlov, behavioural psychologist.” Louis replies. “Came up with the idea for conditioned reflex. Born in 1849. Died in 1936.” 

Harry’s face starts to break into a grin after Louis finishes with his answer. “Yes!”

Louis grins. “Yeay! Can I get some French fries now?” 

Harry nods, reaching for the fries and starts to feed it into Louis’s mouth. He yelps when Louis tries to bite his finger.

*************

“Why don’t you like about it?”

Harry shrugs. “Don’t say you like walks on the beach. We basically live in the mountains.” 

Yasir raises his eyebrows at his son. “Well, I think it conveys who I am.” He tells Harry. “Contemplative, outdoorsy.” He says. “You said my profile should sound like me. I’m just following orders here.” 

Harry rolls his eyes at his father, before taking a seat beside him and stares at the computer screen. “Your profile is supposed to get hits.” He points out. “Don’t you want to get a date?” 

“Not really.” Yasir says, shrugging. “Besides, I don’t see myself finding a big love with something that requires WiFi connection.” 

“It doesn’t have to be big love.” Harry points out. “It’s just a date, dad.” 

Yasir looks at his youngest son. “So you want me to date?” 

“No.” Harry replies, before he shakes his head quickly. “I mean, I don’t know. If you want.” 

“Well, if you don’t want me to date, and I don’t want to date, what am I doing online trying to find a date?” Yasir asks confusingly. 

“It’s important for your growth.” Harry deadpans jokingly. “Nah, I think you might need friends of your own age. I just don’t want you to be lonely. Especially since Paul moved in with Nina. It’s hard to lose your best friend.” He says. “I just want you happy, dad.” 

Yasir smiles, pulling his son into a brief hug before he pulls away and turns his attention towards the computer screen again. “So, any thoughts on what my screen name should be?” 

Harry shrugs casually. “Um, I’m thinking Hot Doc.” He says. “It says you’re cute and you’re rich.”

*************

“Are you studying Philosophy?”

Zayn glances up from his laptop screen when he realizes that Niall is talking to him. He pulls out his earphones before he replies to Niall’s question, “iTunes.” He stares at the boy in front of him, shrugging slightly before he continues. “Philosophy’s cake. Plato’s cave, Descartes’ dualism. I pretty much figured out the meaning of life. And you know what it is? iTunes.” 

Niall smiles, shaking his head at Zayn. “You know, you don’t have to hang out here if you’re done studying.” He tells the other boy. “You can go home.”

Zayn shrugs. “No, I’m fine. I’m just, uh- I’m probably gonna reread a couple of chapters, make sure I ace it, and yeah.” He says, trying to make an excuse to spend more time with Niall. Not that Niall needs to know that. “I mean, if you want, I could quiz you.” 

Niall’s eyes widens. “Really?”

Zayn nods. “Sure, hand them over.” 

“Cool.” Niall says, before stacking out his little flash cards and handing those over to Zayn. 

Zayn takes the cards, sitting up straighter than before and is ready to start quizzing Niall when he realizes that he had just made a wrong decision. “Okay, this isn’t language.” He blurts out, staring at the cards. 

Niall nods. “I know, they’re carbon molecules. The basic building block of all organic matter. The molecules form rings, which bond together and then when things fall apart, they- oh my god.”

Zayn raises his eyebrows. “They oh, my god?” He asks confusingly. When he notices that Niall’s attention is no longer there and the other boy’s eyes are staring at something behind him, Zayn turns around out of curiosity. He notices a tall guy, who’s leaning against one of the book shelves by himself and Zayn turns around to look at Niall again. “You know that guy?” 

Niall shrugs. “Just met him at a party last week. You met him. His name’s Olly.” 

“Oh, Olly. I don’t generally associate with Ollies or anybody that has double l’s in their name.” Zayn says. 

Niall nods. “He seemed nice, but whatever. We can go back to the quizzing.” He says, shifting his attention back to Zayn. 

Zayn raises his eyebrows. “Well, if you wanna go talk to him, I mean-“

“No, no, I would never do that.” Niall says quickly, cutting Zayn off and shakes his head. “The Dylan fiasco was weird enough, with you guys being roommates.” He says. “I’m not gonna flirt with someone in front of you.” 

Zayn shrugs. “I’m just saying if you want to, you know..”

Niall shakes his head again. “It’s not that I want to, I just..” He trails off. Then he puts down his pen on the table, and stares at Zayn, crossing his arms over his chest. “Okay, do you ever just feel the need to, like, kiss or make out?” He asks, before he quickly retracts his words. “Not with me, obviously, not with me. I mean, just in general.” He continues. “You know, like with Dylan, we kissed but not very often, and it was a long time ago and then before that, I hadn’t kissed anyone since you which was a _thousand_ years ago.”

“A million.” Zayn points out. 

“Exactly.” Niall says, nodding in agreement. “So, I don’t know, maybe it’s the stress of finals or being cooped up in this library, but lately I feel like I’ve been going a little crazy.” He continues, and then he sighs slightly before starts to pick up his pen again. It’s a second later when his eyes is darting towards the person behind them again. “God, he’s coming this way.” He says, and when Zayn is about to turn to look, Niall shakes his head. “Don’t turn.” He hisses in warning tone.

Zayn watches as Niall starts to straighten his shirt and he raises his eyebrows at the boy’s next action. “Did you pinch your face?” Zayn asks, and about to point out to Niall that his cheeks are naturally red.

Niall ignores Zayn’s question and starts to open his mouth, leaning his face closer towards Zayn. “Anything in my teeth?” He asks and Zayn shakes his head. “All clear.” 

“Okay, thanks.” Niall says quickly, before he leans back against his chair, trying to act casual when Olly starts to walk by their table. 

Zayn watches as the guy, _Olly_ (he hates the name, God) waves at Niall and the other boy is happily waving back. He forces a smile when Niall turns to look at him again, completely oblivious to Zayn’s feeling at the moment.

*************

“It’s me!” Harry announces his presence excitedly as he enters the apartment. “How’d it go on your final?” He asks as he makes his way towards his boyfriend’s room. When he notices Louis is all dressed up, he raises his eyebrows. “Are we going somewhere?”

Louis grins at Harry. “Oh, yeah, little man. Finished my final 10 minutes early. It went very well.” He tells the other boy. “I thought we might hit up my friend Cody’s party to celebrate my newfound genius-ness. What do you think?” 

Harry stares at his boyfriend. “You didn’t say we were gonna go to a party.” 

Louis shrugs. “Well, I didn’t think I would go. Thought I’d be tired from all the studying.” He says. “But the good news is, the kid bounces back, so-“

“Lou, I can’t go to a party.” Harry cuts his boyfriend off. 

“Why not?” Louis asks his eyebrows. 

Harry sighs. “Why not? Look at me.” He says, gesturing his thumb to point at himself. 

Louis steps closer towards his boyfriend. “Why? You look like you always do.” He says, grabbing Harry’s hand into his. 

Harry shakes his head, pulling away his hand from Louis and starts to turn around. 

Louis trails behind his boyfriend in confusion. “What? What did I do?” 

Harry sighs, before he turns around to face his boyfriend again. “This is how you think I look at the time? Like _this_?” 

Louis stares at the younger boy for a moment before he replies. “Sometimes your hair is different.” He points out. “Sometimes it’s curlier.” 

Harry shakes his head. “Why do I even bother trying?” He mumbles under his breath. “I’m never gonna look like that boy yesterday.” He says. “I probably won’t ever look as good as Cody.” 

Louis scrunches his forehead, still confused. “What are you talking about? What boy?” 

“That boy. The boy you checked out in the coffee shop while we were studying yesterday. I saw you.” Harry points out. 

Louis shakes his head. “That was…it was reflex. It was a conditioned reflex.” He says, amazed at his knowledge of the words. “You see how much smarter you’re already making me?” He adds. “It’s not like he was hot. I mean, he was - but clearly not as hot as you.” 

Harry snorts. “Please stop, you’re making it worse.” He tells Louis. “I mean, that’s…I’m not as good looking as girls or guys you used to date-“

“Harry-“

“If you keep interrupting me, I’m never gonna get through this.” Harry warns, and Louis nods, shutting his mouth. Harry sighs. “I’m okay with how I look. You know, to be honest, I never really thought about it much before. I figured there’s no point in getting upset. It’s not like I can do anything to change it.”

“Harry, what..” 

Harry stares at his boyfriend. “You know, I’m late to fifth period almost every day.” He says, before adding, “ask me why.”

Louis nods. “Okay, why are you late to fifth period almost every day?” 

Harry sighs again. “Because fourth period is PE and every day, I sit in the locker room pretending that I can’t untie my shoelace so I don’t have to get undressed in front of the boys. It doesn’t matter that they’re not looking at me. I mean, half of them are too busy with other things to notice and they act like it’s no big deal to stand around in your underwear in front of a million people. But I,” Harry hesitates. “I would rather die than have anyone see me like that.”

“So no one’s ever seen you naked before?” 

Harry shakes his head. “No, no. I’m not a big fan of nudity. No.” He tells Louis. “And I know you’re all excited to get to the next level, but I just-, I don’t want you getting your hopes up.” 

“Listen, I think you’re more-“

“Please stop, because I know that you’re lying.” Harry pleads, putting his hand over Louis’s mouth, to shut him up. “I know I’m not good looking, and it’s okay because I’ve got other stuff. And eventually, I will remember what the stuff is and why it’s more important. It’s just taking longer than I thought.” He admits truthfully. Then he puts his hand down, and backs away slightly from Louis, but his eyes never leaves the older boy’s. “But you dropping names like Cody is just not helpful to me, so could we maybe, like, just go to the movie instead?” 

Louis nods. “Sure.”

“Thanks.”

*************

Zayn slams the door closed on his way into the apartment, shaking his head over the blaring speaker and the music that surrounds the apartment. Louis glances up from his book and waves at him.

“Yo, Niall called, said to tell you he’s coming over later.” Louis says, before looking down at his book again. 

“What? Why?” Zayn asks, as he heads towards the fridge to get some juice. 

“He said you guys were studying.” Louis says. 

“When did Niall call?” Zayn asks over the kitchen stool. “I can’t believe he’s coming over.” 

Louis raises his eyebrows at Zayn’s tone, before he puts his book down, turning off the speaker and makes his way towards the kitchen stool. “Why not? He’s always over here.” He says, and when Zayn just shrug, and put down his glass a little too loudly for Louis liking, the older guy stares at Zayn in confusion. “All right, what’s your problem?” 

Zayn shrugs again. “Nothing. I’m his friend. We’re friends.” He deadpans. 

“Thought that was part of the master plan.” Louis points out. 

Zayn nods. “Yeah, it was. Until the plan backfired, and I became his _best friend_.” He says, with a heavy sigh. When Louis starts to smirk at him, Zayn rolls his eyes. “All right, this is serious. He’s talking to me about other guys. He’s asking me to do the teeth check. I’m on dangerous, _dangerous_ ground.”

Louis’s eyes never leaves Zayn’s as he speaks the next words. “Well, you want me to act like I’m surprised or--?” 

Zayn throws a chunk of the grapes from the plate on the stool towards Louis. “I know, I took a risk, it backfired.” He admits in defeat. Then he bends down slightly to pull out something from his backpack. “Now I need to represent myself before I lose my window.” 

Louis snorts. “And how do you plan on doing that exactly?” 

“Well, I bought him a Christmas present.” Zayn says. “They’re bracelets. He likes that, right?” He asks Louis, hoping that his friend would say yes, because Zayn doesn’t want to be wrong. 

Louis rolls his eyes, shaking his head at his best friend. “Enough with _Sensitive_ Zayn.” He tells the younger boy. “We’ve all seen that kind of movie. He bought the DVD. And you know what he did? He sold it on eBay.” He deadpans. “What you need to do, Zayn, is be a man, all right? You gotta be dangerous. Surprise him. And not with bracelet, but with your manhood.”

Zayn stares at Louis. “You want me to surprise _your_ brother with my _manhood_?”

Louis groans. “Okay, from now on, when we have this conversation, he’s not my brother.”

*************

Niall sighs, rubbing his eyes tiredly with the back of his hand. “I hate carbon so much.”

Zayn chuckles. “Everybody does.” 

Niall shakes his head. “I’m too tired to study anymore.” He announces, before plopping down on the ground, and rest his head against the pillow that he manages to steal from Zayn’s bed earlier. 

Zayn looks at the other boy with fondness, admiring the way Niall looks so cuddly and fluffy with his tired eyes, and messy hair. “Come on, we only have two chapters left.” He says, waving the flash cards that Niall had made for his study purposes. 

Niall chuckles. “Impossible, can’t do it.” He says, staring at the ceiling for a moment before he rolls his head to his left and peering his eyes to look at Zayn. “Oh hey, I forgot to tell you. You remember that guy, Olly?” He asks. 

Zayn nods, ignoring the pit in his stomach by hearing that name. “Yeah, sure.”

“Moron.” Niall says. “We talked for three minutes, and I’m pretty sure he used the word ‘party’ 16 times as a verb, an adjective, a noun.” 

Zayn laughs. “I told you. It’s always the double l’s. You know, you gotta watch out for those guys.” 

Niall laughs and nods. “All right, help me up.” He says, extending his arm for Zayn to take. “I’m gonna fall asleep if I stay in this position.” 

Zayn stands up from the lazy chair, putting down the cards before he bends down slightly to take Niall’s hand and pull the other boy up. With a force from Zayn’s pull, Niall ends up on his feet quickly but they both end up bumping on each other’s chest, and their faces are _merely_ inches apart. 

Niall’s eyes widens as he realizes their position and he backs away slightly. “Sorry. God, I’m sorry.” 

Zayn’s eyes never leave Niall’s face, as he steps closer towards the other boy. He doesn’t know where the courage had come for, but at the moment, he really _really_ wants to kiss Niall. “I guess you’ll have to wait a little longer for that kiss, then, huh?” 

Niall swallows thickly, hearts thumping louder and louder in his ears as Zayn got closer and closer. He’s trying his best not to melt under Zayn’s stare, he really is, so he shifts his eyes to look elsewhere. Coincidentally, his gaze falls on Zayn’s lips, and when Zayn’s face hovers in front of his, he feels like his heart could combust from pounding too hard. 

Zayn raises his hand and reaches for Niall’s face, lightly brushing his thumbs over the boy’s cheeks before slowly pulling him closer. From the way Niall doesn’t move away from him, he assumes Niall is alright with the gesture, and it urges him to continue; feeling more confident when Niall’s leaning into his touch. Not wanting to waste any more time than he already has just gawking at the boy, he pulls Niall closer, and lets their lips meet.

*************

“Do you guys ever lock your door?” Harry says as soon as he pokes his head into his boyfriend’s room.

Louis turns around from the mirror to look at his boyfriend. “Don’t bother taking your jacket off. We’re heading out. You feel like Italian?” 

Harry nods. “Sure, whatever.” 

“Hey, would you check and see if my shoes are in the bathroom?” Louis says, making Harry raises his eyebrows at his boyfriend. “I may have left them in there. I like to be comfortable.” 

“And we’ve entered the land of too much information.” Harry deadpans, before he walks into the bathroom. “Did you put flowers in here?” 

Louis waits until Harry is completely inside the bathroom before he quickly stands up, closing the bathroom’s door and locking it out using the chair. 

“Louis.” Harry calls out from inside the bathroom, trying to open the doorknob but fails to push the door open. “What are you doing?” 

“Don’t worry, it’s clean.” Louis says through the door. “I spent all afternoon scrubbing. Pay attention to how clean that mirror is. You’re about to use it.” 

“Louis William, let me out of here.” Harry warns. 

Louis shakes his head, and then he realizes Harry can’t see him from the other side of the door. “No, not until you take a moment to appreciate that glasses on your face, which sometimes you wear, sometimes you don’t, depending.”

Harry sighs. “Louis, I get it, okay? You notice that I don’t always look the same. Can you please let me out now?”

“Nope.” Louis replies. “You don’t get it. It’s not that sometimes you wear glasses or not, it’s that you’re always good looking. You know that boy at the restaurant? He was typical.”

“Louis.”

“Not so easy to get me to shut up when you can’t put your hand over my mouth.” Louis chuckles slightly. “You were right, I was dumb. Now, back to this boy. Yes, I used to go for that kind of thing. But you know what a boy like that looks like at 3 in the morning? Crap-tastic. Requires way too much maintenance. You, on the other hand, you have all this other stuff that is so important-“

“I know, I have a great personality and I make a good sandwich.” Harry cuts his boyfriend off, crossing his arms over his chest even though the older guy can’t look at his demeanour. 

“True. You do make a great sandwich.” Louis confirms. “But it’s more than that.” He adds, leaning his forehead against the door. “You are truly beautiful.” He says. “You know what I think about when I’m kissing you? I think about your skin. Think about your eyelashes, how long they are when they’re touching my face. Think about the dimples you get when you laugh. Think about how cool it is that I might be the only person who knows how hot your body is.” He continues. “And I bet you at 3 in the morning, I bet you look amazing.” 

Harry leans his forehead against the door, sighing slightly. “Don’t you think you could have said all that to my face?” 

Louis shakes his head. “No, I couldn’t tell you to your face because you never let me.” He tells Harry. “You always roll your eyes or ‘yeah, yeah, yeah’ me until I feel totally stupid.” He adds. “This was something I needed to tell you. You needed to hear it, but more than that, you need to see it.” 

“See what?” 

“You need to see what I see when I look at you.” Louis points out. “So go, look into that mirror right now.” He says firmly. “And just keep looking until you face the truth that you are truly beautiful.” He adds. “Do it. You’re starting to see it, aren’t you?” 

Louis waits for any response but when he is met with silence, he frowns. “Harry?” He calls out. “I know you’re in there. Don’t get all David Copperfield on me.” He adds. He raises his eyebrows when he hears the shower starts running instead. “Are you taking a shower?” He asks confusingly. 

Before Louis can say anything else, the bathroom door is opened, and he quickly closes his eyes with his hand. 

“Open your eyes, Louis.” Harry says. Louis drops his hand, and his mouth agapes at the sight of naked Harry in front of him. Harry doesn’t seem to bother much, his eyes full of trust as he looks at Louis. “If I’m gonna see me the way that you see me, then I want you here with me.” He says, extending his hand to pull Louis into the bathroom. “Will you take a shower with me?”

*************

Niall moves stealthily, trying to buckle his jeans up, ignoring spots of the sticky substance that’s still presence on his stomach. He winces slightly when he feels sore at the lower part of his spine. He glances towards the bed briefly, silently praying that Zayn won’t wake up. His prayer is definitely not reaching the God because suddenly Zayn starts to shift, opening his eyes and staring right into Niall’s eyes. “What time is it?” He asks groggily.

Niall glances at the clock on the bedside table. “It’s 3:30.” He tells Zayn, bending down slightly to pick up his shirt from the floor. “My parents are going to kill me.” He adds once he puts his t-shirt on. 

Zayn starts to sit up, grabbing his boxer from the edge of the bed and putting it on. Niall glances away, flushing slightly at the sight of naked Zayn beforehand. It’s not like he hadn’t seen it few hours before, but it’s just awkward for him at the moment. “Maybe they’ll think you’re still at the library, studying.” Zayn voices out.

Niall nods wordlessly, and still trying his best not to look at the boy, but ends up looking at the bed instead, and his cheeks flushed when he notices the mess that they had created a few hours before. He remember the way their naked bodies, tangled together, moaning each other’s name, and he can still feel Zayn, being inside him and he remembers as they both had come, and fell asleep together after that. Niall shakes his head slightly, trying to break out of his own reverie and when he glances over at Zayn again, the other guy’s eyes are already gazing at him. 

Before Niall can say anything, Zayn already beats him to it. “I know you gotta get going and don’t have time to talk about _this._ ” He starts, referring to the recent event that had happened between both of them. “We could talk later, or we don’t have to talk about it.”

Niall shakes his head before he replies. “No, we can definitely talk about it.” He assures. “I just, for now, you know, I think..” He trails off, glancing at the clock. 

Zayn notices the action and he nods in understanding. “Yeah, no, absolutely.” 

Niall smiles gratefully at Zayn, and starts to grab his backpack.

“But…” Zayn trails off, and Niall pauses on his movement, staring at the other boy. “What?”

Zayn clears his throat before he speaks up again. “This is gonna sound weird, uh, but I got you a Christmas present.”

Niall’s eyes widen. “You did?”

Zayn nods. “Yeah. My family’s leaving for London. I don’t know if I’m gonna see you before the holidays. I’d love to give it you in person.”

Niall stares at Zayn, shaking his head slightly. “Um, I didn’t get you anything.” He says guiltily.

“No, it’s not like that.” Zayn assures. “I wasn’t planning on it. I just sort of saw it and thought you might like it, so..” He trails off, before he starts to stand up from his bed and moves towards the big box at the corner of the room.

Niall follows, and kneels down besides Zayn in front of the box. Zayn opens the lid, and he pulls out a small package, before handing it to Niall. “It’s no big deal, it’s just..” He pauses. “You can open it later at home.” 

Niall nods. He eyes the other things in the box before his gaze lands on the familiar book at the right corner of the box. “Hey, my dad got me this for graduation.” He tells Zayn, picking up the book and smiles at the other guy. 

Zayn’s eyes widen, shaking his head disbelievingly at the coincidence. “Oh, that’s actually from my mom for graduation too.” He tells Niall and when the other boy is looking at him, waiting for an explanation, Zayn shrugs. “Long story.”

Niall nods understandingly. He puts the book into the box again, and being a curious person that he is, his eyes start to wander towards the other things in the box too. He notices a stack of cards, stuffing between the other books in the box. “What are these?” 

“Um, those are actually..” Zayn trails off, gulping slightly before he continues. “They’re postcards that I bought during my trip. Those are yours.”

Niall’s head snaps up to look at Zayn. “What?” He asks confusingly. He looks down again, starting to flipping all of the postcards, and glancing between those things in his hand and Zayn. 

“I mean, I actually wrote those for you.” Zayn blurts out.

Niall blinks his eyes. “What?”

Zayn shrugs, shaking his head. “I mean, it’s not as crazy as it looks.” He tells Niall. “It was like, when I first got to US, I had a little bit of a freak out. It was like it took everything I had to get on the plane, and once I got there, I was like, ‘what the hell am I doing here?’ you know. I couldn’t call home, obviously.” He says. “I didn’t know if I could call you, so I just- I wrote you. It made me feel better.” He continues, staring at Niall. “I didn’t know if I should send them or not, didn’t know if you wanted to hear from me, so I didn’t.”

Niall remains silent, and Zayn continues. “Then every couple of days, something would happen. I would see something that would remind me of you or make me wish that I could be with you. I would….Well, I couldn’t talk to you, so I’d write you a postcard. I mean, I don’t know why I didn’t send them. I wanted to. I tried to, but I, um…I was too scared.” He admits truthfully. 

There’s a beat of silence, as they’re staring at each other before Niall finally nods. “I wish you would have sent them.”

Zayn nods. “Me too.”

Niall stares at the postcards, before he glances up to look at Zayn again. “Can I..? Do you mind if I keep them? I’d really like to read them.”

“Yeah, sure. Of course, please. Read them, yeah?” Zayn says, staring right into Niall’s eyes.

Niall feels his heart pounds rapidly against Zayn’s stare. “Thank you.” He says, before he starts to pick up his bag again. “Okay, I should really go.” 

Zayn watches as Niall starts to put on his bag, and before the other boy starts to walk away, Zayn speaks up again. “Niall.” He calls out, making the other boy to turn around to face him again. Zayn watches as Niall stares at him, waiting for his next words, and Zayn, can’t wait any longer to say what he wants to say since the day he got back to the town, “I still love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what do you guys think?


	9. All you had to do was stay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so, I finished this in the car on the trip to my dad's hometown (lol). Time is limited nowadays, so apologies in advance for the late update, and also all the mistakes that you can find in this chapter. 
> 
> Oh, and the title is from Taylor's song.

“I feel like I haven’t seen you for a year.” Harry complains, pouting slightly as he tells his boyfriend. 

Louis nods, shrugging off his jacket and putting it on the coat rack nearby the door. “Like two years.” He points out before he continues. “You’re never allowed to go to London again. I don’t care how much your nonny wants to celebrate Jesus with you.” He adds, before pulling Harry’s hand into his and leads them to walk over towards their usual spot at the café. 

Harry laughs at Louis’s words. “We’ll talk about that again at Easter.” He says, following his boyfriend’s lead until they reach their favorite couch at the café. Harry nuzzles his nose against Louis’s neck, inhaling his boyfriend’s scent, and God he misses the guy so much over the holiday. “What do you want to do today? Bike ride? Picnic? Movie?” 

Before Louis could answer, Harry’s cell phone starts to ring and he pulls away slightly from his boyfriend’s grip before he fishes it out from his pocket. 

“Bike ride sounds good.” Louis replies to Harry’s question earlier. 

Harry smiles apologetically at Louis as he picks up the phone and Louis nods understandingly. “Hey, Niall.” Harry greets happily as soon as he hears Niall’s voice from the other end of the receiver. _“Are you sitting down?”_ Niall asks and Harry nods, before mentally slaps himself because obviously Niall can’t see him. “Yeah, why?” 

_“I need to talk to you.”_ Niall tells Harry and before the younger boy can reply, Louis’s phone starts to ring as well and he raises his eyebrows at his boyfriend. 

Louis shrugs, but picking it up nonetheless when he sees the familiar name on display. “The boy is back in town.” He says, grinning widely once he picks up. “How was holiday, man?”

_“Fine. I need to ask you something.”_ Zayn says, and Louis raises his eyebrows in curiosity. 

“What’s the matter?” Harry asks instead, and Louis shakes his head, getting confused because both of them are on the phone with Niall and Zayn, respectively. 

Louis continues to listen as Zayn starts to speak up again. _“Say you ran into an ex.”_

Meanwhile, at the same time, Harry scoots away slightly from Louis to concentrate on his own phone conversation with Niall. _“Are you you’re sitting down?”_ Niall asks again, and this peaks Harry’s curiosity. 

Louis raises his eyebrows, eyes widening as he is still trying to process on Zayn’s words. “Don’t tell me you saw Perrie.” He tells Zayn.

Harry’s eyes widens, obviously overhearing the bit of conversation before he clamps his hand over his phone and turns his head slightly to look at Louis. “He saw Perrie?” 

_“No, not Perrie.”_ Zayn replies, and Louis shakes his head at his boyfriend, passing the message. 

Harry nods in relief, before he turns his attention towards Niall’s voice on the phone again. _“So, I went to the apartment last week. Zayn’s.”_

_“And you weren’t planning on anything happening.”_ Zayn tells Louis. 

Harry nods, waiting for Niall to continue. _“And we were just supposed to study.”_

_“But things got a little heated.”_ Zayn continues to tell Louis. 

Niall pauses slightly before he speaks up again and Harry tries to calm himself from getting too impatient and just blurts out the question that he has been dying to ask to Niall. _“And there was no one there.”_ Harry hums, nodding as he keeps listening to Niall. 

Louis on the other hand, starts to sit up straight as he can feel where Zayn is heading as the boy continues with his story. _“And then something kinda..”_ Zayn trails off. 

_“And we totally had sex.”_ Niall blurts out to Harry, and the younger boy’s eyes widen. “You and Zayn slept together?!” 

Louis agapes, turning his head to his left to look at his boyfriend, obviously overhearing that. “What?! No way!” He yells-whisper. 

_“No way what?”_ Zayn asks confusingly from the other end of Louis’s receiver. 

_“I’ve been meaning to tell you.”_ Niall tells Harry. 

_“Hello, Louis, you’re there?”_

Harry continues to listen to Niall. “It’s just so weird.” He comments. 

Louis shakes his head, before he puts his phone to his ears again. “Dude, did you and my brother get back together?” 

_“And I don’t know what it means yet.”_ Niall tells Harry. 

_“Wait, who told you that?”_ Zayn asks. 

Harry’s face starts to break into a wide grin. “Oh, I can’t believe this.” He gushes happily over the phone to Niall. 

While, Louis, “I can’t believe you.” He says disappointingly towards Zayn. 

“This is so great.” Harry says happily, as at the same time, Louis says, “This is so bad.” 

That makes both of them to look towards each other and while Harry is completely grinning ears to ears, Louis is frowning and shaking his head slightly. 

_“Have you talked to him?”_ Zayn asks the older guy. 

Harry continues to listen to Niall, but his grin is still not faltering. _“He said he was still in love with me.”_ Niall tells Harry. 

Louis snorts when Zayn asks, _“Did he say we were back together?”_

_“And we haven’t spoken since.”_ Niall admits truthfully. 

Harry shakes his head and starts to pull away completely from Louis’s cuddle on the couch. “Okay, I’m at Sam’s. Come get me right now.” 

And Louis straightens up as well. “Okay, stay where you are.” He tells Zayn over the phone. 

“We have to celebrate.” Harry says happily, while Louis choruses, “time for some serious damage control,” at the same time from his right. 

Harry hears Niall sighs. _“This is not a celebration, Harry.”_ He scolds, earning a giggle from Harry and cheering when Niall finally says, “I’ll be there in 10.”

 

“I don’t need damage control.” Zayn says and Louis shakes his head, muttering under his breath and he knows Zayn understands that he can’t escape from Louis anyway. _“But if you’re coming, bring breakfast and beer.”_

When they both end their calls, Louis and Harry look at each other, “guess that bike ride’s gonna have to wait.” Harry says. 

Louis nods. “Yeah.” He says before kissing Harry briefly, and they both part their ways to meet their idiot best friends.

*************

“Dude, I know I told you to get out of the friend zone. I did not mean _that_ far.” Louis says as he’s pacing back and forth at the living room at his apartment. “What were you thinking?”

Zayn shrugs, leaning against the couch and almost get a headache from watching Louis’s move. “I wasn’t thinking.” He admits truthfully. “It just sort of happened.” 

Louis stops pacing, and stares at his best friend. “What, you just fell on top of each other?” He deadpans sarcastically. 

Zayn shrugs casually. “Yeah, kind of.” He retorts. “He found these postcards I wrote him from US. I told him that I still loved him. It was a wacky night.” 

Louis rolls his eyes. “Oh, you think?” He asks sarcastically. “So, what, you’re back on?” 

Zayn leans further against the couch, shrugging. “I don’t know.” 

“What do you mean you don’t know?” 

“I mean, I haven’t seen him since the night in question, so I don’t know.” Zayn explains calmly. Then, he starts to stand up, making his way towards the kitchen stool. 

Louis sighs, before he starts to follow Zayn’s trail. “What is with all the _zen_ here?” He asks, not really understand on how Zayn can be so calm about this issue. “You don’t get it. You’re exposed.” He tells Zayn. “You’re like a wide receiver going over the middle for a high pass.” He says and when the other boy just looking at him blankly, Louis continues. “Pain. I’m talking about serious pain.” 

Zayn sighs, shaking his head. “Look, the reason I told you cause I thought Harry might say something that might be useful to me.” 

Louis snorts. “Harry just found out.” 

Zayn raises his eyebrows in surprise. “Really?” 

Louis nods. “Yeah.” 

Zayn hums, before he nods too. “Okay.” He says simply. 

Louis stares at Zayn like the other boy has lost his mind. “Okay? Is that really all you have to say?” He asks curiously. “Do you think it’s a good thing that Niall waited to tell Harry? Think it’s a bad thing? Come on, I need a judgement here, buddy.” He continues. “If you want to know how my brother’s feeling, you’re gonna have to ask him. Relationships are based on communication, honesty, trust. You play these games, no one’s gonna win.” 

“Wow, somebody’s been drinking the kool-aid.” Zayn deadpans. 

Louis shrugs. “Six months and counting in a Harry-healthy relationship. I think I get a pin soon.” He tells Zayn. “Bottom line, the longer you wait, dude, the worst it’s gonna get, so, you have to do something.” 

“I’ve already done something.” Zayn points out. “I told him how I felt. Now the ball’s in his court.”

*************

“I can’t believe you waited a whole week to tell me.” Harry whines as he’s walking side by side with Niall around the town.

“You were in London.” Niall replies, defending himself. 

Harry rolls his eyes. “Oh, hey, do you know they have phones in London? Cause they do.” He deadpans sarcastically. 

Niall sighs in defeat. “I’m sorry. I just wanted to see if I could figure out what to do on my own.” He admits truthfully. “But I didn’t, and now he’s home.” 

“Okay, wait, wait. Back it up.” Harry says. “So, it happens, you’re sitting there – or lying there, whatever – and then what? What did you say?” 

“Nothing.” Niall replies. 

Harry raises his eyebrows. “What do you mean, ‘nothing’?”

“I was in shock.” Niall tells Harry. “I was not planning on having the relapse sex, but then we did, then I found the postcards, and he said ‘I love you,’ and it was all just shocking.” 

Harry stops walking, and stares at Niall. “You really had no idea he was still in love with you?” 

Niall shakes his head. “No, why would I?” 

Harry shrugs. “I don’t know. I knew.” 

Niall spits on his coffee, and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand as he looks at Harry. “What? When? How?” 

“When I was still planning on moving back with my nonnie, Zayn came to see me, told me not to go.” Harry tells Niall. “He went on and on about how sad you’d be if I wasn’t here and he was just so worried about you.” He continues. “It was all very adorable.” 

Niall shakes his head. “Why didn’t you tell me about all of the adorableness then?”

Harry shrugs. “I don’t know. I figured he’d tell you or you’d figure it out. I’m not a meddler.” 

Niall snorts and rolls his eyes. “Oh, please. You meddle all the time. Your middle name is ‘meddle.’” 

“My middle name is Edward.” Harry deadpans. 

Niall sighs. “I can’t believe you.” He whines. “If I would have known, I would never have let this happen.” 

“Well, it happened.” Harry points out. “So, now the question is, was it meaningful?” 

“Of course it was meaningful.” Niall admits sincerely. “It was Zayn.” He adds before he moves towards the nearest bench and takes a seat, with Harry following his action. “Ugh, this is bad.” Niall groans. 

Harry looks at the older boy. “Does it have to be bad?” He asks. “Is there any way that this could be good?” 

Niall shrugs. “I don’t know. What do you think?” 

“I’m not a meddler, remember?” 

Niall chuckles slightly, but then he shakes his head. “How are things with Louis?” He asks instead, not wanting to continue with the story of him and Zayn anymore. 

Harry’s smile widens when he hears Louis’s name. He knows Niall doesn’t want to talk about the thing that happened between both him and Zayn, so Harry lets it slide, at least for the moment. “We took a shower together.” 

And for the second time, Niall spits out his coffee again. “What? Oh my God! Did you guys..”

Harry shakes his head quickly. “No. No, no, no. Of course not.” He tells Niall. “But…we’re very _clean._ ”

Niall laughs until his cup of coffee drops on the ground.

*************

“Which is why he is saying the system itself is what’s flawed in the first place. What do you think? Uh, Niall.”

Niall glances up from his scribbles on his notepad upon hearing his lecturer’s voice. “Oh, I’m sorry. Can you repeat the question?” He asks sheepishly, obviously getting caught by his lecturer for not paying attention in class. 

The professor smiles at him. “I could, but I’ve kind of have enough of myself for the day.” She tells him. “I vote that we move Wallenstein and his theories till next time.” She says, glancing around the class. “Besides, I have a pilates class I need to get to.” 

Niall waits until the other students flee out of the room, before he smiles at the lecturer, who is now making his way towards him. “I’m sorry, I was totally spacing out.” 

The woman smiles at Niall. “It’s all right.” She assures. “I just missed you today.” She tells Niall. “I can usually count on you to make it less of a lecture and more of a discussion.”

Niall smiles at her. “I know, I just-“

“Don’t tell me. Let me guess.” She cuts Niall off. “Some guy did something that’s got you all gobbledygook and now you can’t concentrate on anything else.” 

“Blasphemy, I know – daydreaming about a boy in my intro to feminist theory class.” Niall points out. 

The woman chuckles. “You’re gonna do great things, Niall Horan. I can feel it.” She says. “Let me ask you something. You know what’s going on with this big search-committee mess, right?” 

“For the new provost?” Niall asks and when she nods, he continues. “Yeah, there’s no strong candidate on the list.” 

The lecturer nods. “Exactly. We have to teach them that they cannot shut people out of the process.” She tells Niall. “You know, I’m having a bunch of grad students over to my house tomorrow night, do a little brainstorming, and you should come.” 

Niall raises his eyebrows in surprise. “Really? Does it matter that I’m not a grad student?” 

“Thank god you’re not a grad student. I love those guys, but they’re getting a little jaded.” 

Niall chuckles. “Sounds like fun. What time?” 

“Uh, 7:00ish, I’ll email you the address.”

*************

Zayn knocks on the open door twice to announce his presence, making Niall glances up from his book. “Hey.” He greets, before leaning against the door, looking at the other boy. “I thought I might find you here.”

Niall raises his eyebrows. “In Nina’s office?” 

Zayn shrugs. “Well, not exactly.” 

Niall puts down his coffee cup, and closes his book, before he looks at Zayn again. “I’m sorry, Zayn. I’ve been meaning to call you.” 

“No, you don’t have to apologize.” Zayn assures. 

Niall shakes his head. “No, I’m serious. I don’t want you to think that I’m avoiding you.”

“I don’t.”

“Because I’m not.” Niall adds quickly. “And I know we need to talk. We’re just all over the place right now.” 

Zayn raises his arms, waving Niall off. “No pressure.” 

Niall nods. “It’s just all so confusing.” He admits truthfully. “I thought about you the whole time you were gone.” He continues. “And I kept hoping that things would get clearer, but they haven’t. So I talked to Harry, and Nina and even one of my professors at school, and I still can’t seem to figure it out.” He sighs. “But it just keeps feeling further away.” 

Zayn nods understandingly. “I know, it’s like the more time that passes, the more it seems like it didn’t actually happen.” 

“Exactly.” Niall says. “See, you’re the only person who really understand, and yet I can’t talk to you about it.” 

Zayn raises his eyebrows. “Why not?” 

“Cause isn’t it against the rules?” 

Zayn shrugs. “Maybe, but…we can make our own rules, right?” He asks. “We could get dinner tomorrow night. We could just talk it out.” 

Niall stares at Zayn. “You’d do that?” 

Zayn nods. “Yeah, of course.” _Anything to make you happy,_ he mentally adds. 

Niall smiles. “That sounds great.” He says, but then he shakes his head, remembering something. “Oh, no, um, I can’t because I have a school thing tomorrow. But can we do it the night after?” 

Zayn nods understandingly. “Yeah, whatever is good for you is good for me.” He says. “I’m pathetically free.” 

Niall chuckles. “That’s great. That’s perfect, Zayn, okay.” 

“So. I’ll just, I’ll call you.” 

Niall nods, “cool.” 

Zayn steps closer, awkwardly leaning down to kiss Niall’s cheek, making Niall blushes before he walks out of the office.

*************

“Niall.”

Niall turns around, carefully so he won’t spill his drink. 

“Hey, I’m David. We met at the..”

Niall’s eyes widens in recognition. “At the dorm party. Yeah, I remember.” Niall says, cutting David off. “How are you?” 

David nods. “Great.” He smiles at Niall. “And I’m so glad you’re here.” He says. “You know Lori doesn’t usually invite freshmen to these things, so you must have made quite an impression.” 

Niall smiles. “I hope so.” He says. “She’s a lot cooler than my other professors.” 

“Oh, she’s totally cool.” David says. “I took that class you’re in last year. Now she’s sponsoring my independent study.” He tells Niall. “I mean, if you’re into politics, she is a great resource. She used to work on the hill.” 

“Oh, really? I didn’t know that.” Niall admits. “And I also didn’t know that they actually call it ‘the hill.’ It sounds so ‘West Wing-y’.”

David laughs. “Right.” He nods, grabbing a glass of drink from the table beside them. “So, uh, how’s your boyfriend?” 

“What’s that?” 

“That guy you were with at the party.” David says. “Isn’t he your boyfriend?” 

“Oh, Zayn. Yeah, he’s, um, he was, but – we’ve known each other for a while. It’s complicated.” Niall explains. 

David nods understandingly. “Got it. I have been there.” He says. “But everybody thought he was so funny.”

Niall cautiously sips on his drink. “Really?” He asks casually, or at least trying to appear as casual as he can. 

David nods. “Oh, yeah, and hot.” He tells Niall. “I mean, not that we were all looking or anything, but, uh, if he ever does goes on the market..” He trails off, pausing slightly before he laughs. “No, I’m just kidding. I’m just kidding.”

“Oh, yeah.” Niall laughs awkwardly, as he doesn’t really get what’s so funny. 

David smiles at him. “But just so you know, _that_ look pretty much answers the ‘is he your boyfriend?’ question.” 

And now Niall gets the punchline of the joke.

*************

“This place is great.” Zayn comments, glancing around the diner and honestly he loves the atmosphere around it. “All they have at MCC are vending machines.”

Niall smiles and nods. “Yeah, the whole school’s starting to grow on me.” He tells Zayn. “I think I might even stay next year, maybe move into a dorm or an apartment or something.” 

Zayn stares at Niall, giving the other boy his full attention now. “Oh yeah?”

Niall nods. “Yeah.” 

“Cool.” Zayn says, smiling slightly. 

“Yeah.” Niall says shortly. They both stare at each other, and the awkward silence lingers for a moment, before Niall braces himself and starts to speak up again. “The other night was amazing, Zayn.” He starts. “And what you said after was even more amazing.” 

Zayn nods. “Well, I want you to know I didn’t just say that because of what happened.” He tells Niall. “I’ve been trying to figure out a way to tell you for a while.” 

Niall nods understandingly. “I know, and I’ve been thinking about it a lot, as well.” 

Zayn’s eyes never leave Niall’s as he starts to speak up too. “You were right last year. Why can’t you meet the person you’re supposed to be with at 17? It happens all the time.” He says. “I was an idiot for fighting you on that. I get that now.” He continues. “I mean, think about it. You’re supposed to be in Princeton. I’m supposed to be in New York. But here we are. It’s like fate.” 

Niall stares at Zayn. “Yeah, I used to feel the same way.”

Zayn feels his heart drops as soon as Niall finishes. “ _Used to_?”

“You went away.” Niall points out. “You spent time in America, travelling and having adventures. And I mean, I read all your postcards, Zayn. It was like I saw you grow right before my eyes.” He says. “I want that. I want _my_ America.” 

“Great. We could go to America together.” Zayn says. 

Niall smiles, shaking his head slightly. “That’s not what I meant.” He says. “I know it sounds crazy, but maybe my version is _right here, right now_. I mean, I’ve been meeting some incredible people. And I’ve been getting involved. Suddenly, I’m thinking about things I’ve never thought about before.” 

Zayn nods understandingly. “I think that’s great. I do. I just – I could be a part of that with you.” 

“I don’t know. Maybe you could. Maybe we could get back together, and it would be great, and it would work.” Niall says, pausing slightly before he continues. “But if it didn’t, we would be so broken, Zayn, and we’d never get another chance. And I want us to have another chance because somewhere in my heart,” he pauses, “I still think you’re my person.” 

Zayn stares at Niall. “You do?” 

Niall nods. “Yes, I do.” Then he sighs. “I just don’t think it’s the right time right now.” He says. “Or at least it’s not the right time for me. I want to figure out who I am a little bit more before…” he trails off, “before becoming a part of _us_ again. I think I need that.” 

A silence lingers again, and Niall quietly asks, “are you mad?” 

Zayn shakes his head. “No, I’m not mad.” He says. “It’s not exactly what I wanted to hear, but I understand.” He tells Niall. “So, you go off, and you have _your_ America, I’ll be here when you get back,” he says, “I’ll always be here for you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *running away from everyone cause of the ending*


	10. I drew a line for you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> because I'm a shitty person, I'm sorry *sigh*.

Louis humming, staring at the cards in his hands silently before Harry speaks up, “It’s your discard.” Harry says, looking at his boyfriend. 

Louis rolls his eyes at the younger boy. “I’m thinking.” 

“Do you have to think with your fingers?” Harry deadpans sarcastically, earning a slight glare from his boyfriend. 

“You’re such a jacks hoard.” Louis grumbles as he lays down his card on the table. 

Harry grins. “It’s the third one I’ve picked up. Learn the game, buddy.” He says, sticking his tongue out at Louis. They continue playing the card until Zayn walks passed them, heading towards the kitchen. “Sorry, is the music too loud?” Harry asks, sounds apologetic as he looks at his brother’s frowning face. 

Zayn shakes his head. “No, I’m up. I’m late.” 

Louis ignores Zayn, as he’s still concentrating on the game. “Do not lay down a seven, whatever you do.” He tells Harry. “I’m all over the sevens, babe.” 

“Anybody seen my sheet music? I got two new students starting today.” Zayn asks from the kitchen, preparing a bowl to pour out the cereal from the box. 

“I’d check the coffee table. It might be under my sandwich. If so, sorry.” Louis replies distractedly. 

A second later, Dylan walks passed by them, glancing around frantically. “Looking for hair gel. Gooey, lots of hold.” He declares loudly. 

Zayn stares at Dylan’s condition, shaking his head. “I got some in my crawl space.”

Dylan’s eyes widen, and his face breaks into a grin. “Excellent! Thank you.” Dylan says before he dashes towards Zayn’s space to get the hair gel. 

“Dylan! Where are you?” Niall’s voice suddenly boomed through the apartment as he opens the front door unannounced. “I’ve been honking for like 10 minutes!”

“Give me one sec.” Dylan shouts from his spot. “I’m having some, uh, hair issues.” 

Niall rolls his eyes. “It’s a good thing we didn’t date for real. I cannot be with a man who spends more time on his hair than trying to be punctual.” He comments, before he glances around and spots Harry. “Harry, what are you doing here? Don’t you have school?” He asks curiously. 

Harry shakes his head. “No, Teacher’s Day. Students don’t have to go, so Louis’s taking the day off to hang out with me.” 

Louis glances up from his card, grinning at Niall. “That’s the great part about college. No one to mark your absence, no readmit slips.”

Niall stares at his brother with a blank expression. “There is no way you’re gonna graduate in less than seven years.” He deadpans. 

Louis ignores his brother’s comment, while Harry looks uncertainly at Niall. “What time does your class finish? We could all do something.” Harry suggests, before glancing at Zayn. “Zayn, what are you up to? We could make pizzas again. That was fun.”

Zayn glances up from his bowl. “Uh, sorry, I gotta pick up Ant.”

At the same time, Niall shakes his head at Harry. “Sorry, I can’t. I have three lectures, two sections and lunch with Deo and Willie.” He tells the younger boy. “And there’s gonna be a demonstration.” 

Harry raises his eyebrows. “What kind of demonstration?” He asks curiously. 

Niall shrugs. “To protest. The speaker is total warmonger.”

“Oh,” Harry says simply. “I think I’ll pass.”

Louis nods, agreeing with Harry. “Ditto.” 

Niall nods at both of them, before he looks towards his left, and rolls his eyes at Dylan, who is still fixing his hair, in front of the reflective surface of the toaster. “Dylan, do you want cute hair or do you want to save lives?” He deadpans, before continues, “commit to a hat.”

Dylan groans. “Urgh! It’s just this front part is killing me.” He whines. 

Niall snorts, pulling Dylan’s arm, and leads them towards the door. “Let’s go. Let’s go.” 

After both of them leave, Zayn picks up his bag too, but not before, “if you have a chance, we’re out of milk. If you could pick some up, that’d be great.” And after that, he too, walks out of the house, leaving Harry and Louis alone. 

“So, everyone seems really busy.” Harry comments after a moment, staring at Louis.

*************

Harry peers his eyes as he stares at his boyfriend who’s yawning loudly. “Are you bored?” Harry asks.

“No, no.” Louis replies, shaking his head. “I just didn’t get much sleep last night. Dylan was up till 3 in the morning doing crunches.” 

Harry nods, doesn’t really believe the explanation but he doesn’t want to prolong it. So instead, he says, “You know what last week was? Our seven-month anniversary.” 

Louis blinks his eyes, staring at Harry blankly. “Oh, crap, was I supposed to get you something?” 

Harry shakes his head. “No, no, I’m thinking more about the number.” He says. “Seven, as in the seven-year-itch.” 

“Oh.” Louis says simply. “No, I have no idea what you’re talking about.” He admits truthfully. “Sounds like a long time to be scratching.” 

“I think we might be in a rut.” Harry explains. “Like we’ve been reached this plateau where we’ve been through all the bumps in our relationship and now the only thing left to do is break up or get married.” 

Louis’s eyes widen. “Oh, dude.” 

Harry rolls his eyes. “I’m not saying I wanna break up or get married today, I’m just saying I’m worried, you know? We’re sitting here doing the same thing we always do.”

“Well, we like playing cards.” Louis points out. 

Harry nods. “Yeah, I know, but, okay, when was the last time we did something new and exciting?” He asks, staring at Louis. 

Louis raises his eyebrows. “We do stuff all the time.” He says. “We go to movies, we watch TV, play cards.” He adds. “I don’t understand what you want me to do. Not like I can afford to buy a jet and fly us to Paris.” 

Harry shakes his head. “Okay, well, what’s something new that doesn’t cost millions of dollars?” 

“Deer hunting.” Louis deadpans. 

Harry chuckles. “Okay, I’ll tell you what. I’m gonna try and come up with something that beats that, okay?” 

Louis grins. “Heh, good luck.”

*************

“I’m really glad you made mahi-mahi.” Louis says. “It was a delicious surprise in the middle of winter.” He adds sarcastically. “Maybe we can have dessert inside thought? I’m freezing my coconuts off out here.”

Harry shakes his head. “We can’t go inside. Inside is where the rut lives.” 

“Well, outside is where hypothermia lives.” Louis deadpans. 

Harry shakes his head again. “I think I’d look stupid walking around your apartment with a pineapple on my head.” 

Louis raises his eyebrows. “Really? I’d think you’d feel stupid having a pineapple on your head no matter where you are.” He comments.

“Thanks.” Harry clips sarcastically. 

Louis groans. “Oh, I’m kidding.” He says. “Are you not cold?” 

“No, I’m actually warm.” Harry replies. “If you’re cold, why don’t you come over here and stand by me at the fire?” 

Louis walks towards his boyfriend, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend’s body. “Your heart is beating incredibly fast.” He comments, frowning as he pulls away slightly and turns Harry around to face him. 

Harry groans. “I have to take my coat off, this hibachi’s giving off way too much heat.” He says, already wiggling out of the layer of his clothes. 

“Whoa, hey, you look a little flushed.” Louis says, staring at his boyfriend worriedly. “Or actually, make that splotchy.” 

Harry raises his eyebrows. “Splotchy? What?” 

Louis nods, trailing his fingers on Harry’s neck. “You seriously got, like, freaky red splotches all over you.” 

Harry groans again, feeling itchy all of the sudden. “Wait-are they on my face?” 

Louis nods sympathetically. “Yeah.”

“I was feeling gross like 10 minutes ago, but we were having so much fun, wouldn’t wanna tear us away from this rager.” Harry says. “Now I’m feeling a little dizzy.” He adds, before he sways slightly. 

Louis catches his boyfriend into his arms. “Hey, whoa, hey. You want me to call my dad?” 

Harry shakes his head. “No, no, no.” He says. “I just have to sit down, and then I’ll-“

“You know what? I’m gonna go ahead and call this one.” Louis says, cutting Harry off. “You look like you’re about to explode all over the hibachi there. Let’s go inside, come on.” 

“No.” Harry says stubbornly. 

“Come on, we’re-“ 

“We do not have to go inside right now.” Harry says, staring at Louis. And then, his eyes widen as he looks at Louis’s neck. “Wait, am I hallucinating or are you red too?” 

Louis’s eyes widen. “Really?’

Harry nods. “Yes.” 

Louis groans. “Oh, awesome.” He mutters. “I’m definitely calling my dad. Let’s go.”

*************

“Your heart rate does appear elevated.” Bobby says, as he inspects Harry’s hand. “But the splotches aren’t raised. They may not be hives.” He adds.

“They itch a lot.” Harry whines, scratching at his arms, trying to reduce the itchiness. 

“Do you want powder?” Louis asks from the opposite couch. 

Bobby rolls his eyes. “It’s not a diaper rash, Louis.” He says, walking over towards his son, pulling out the thermometer from his lips. “Here.” He says, and read the number. “One hundred one. I must admit, I’m at something of a loss here. Of course, three college-aged boys in close quarters. Could be any number of environmental irritants in here.” He adds, glancing around the apartment. “In fact, this entire apartment is a biohazard.” He says, before walking over to the tiny kitchen. “Uh, how long ago did you eat?” 

“An hour, but it can’t be my cooking.” Harry says. “I am a very good cook.” 

“Well, gee, maybe you’re not supposed to prepare mahi-mahi in the winter on the roof, I don’t know.” Louis deadpans. 

Harry rolls his eyes. “Sorry I was trying to save our relationship.” 

“By getting us both sick. There’s a new plateau: dying. We can either break up, get married, or die. What do you think?” 

Harry glares at his boyfriend. “I think you should shut your pie-hole, or I’m gonna come over and shut it for you.” 

Louis scoffs. “Bring it on, splotchy.” 

Harry huffs. “You don’t give a hoot what we do. You could go on forever with me doing all the work and you playing cards.” 

“Oh, do you mean drag on?” Louis mocks. “Drag on with me being normal and you creating problems..”

Harry rolls his eyes. “Whatever.”

“..that don’t exist because you talk? You talk and talk and talk and yammer. Yammer, yammer.” 

“This is productive. So glad we’re having this conversation.” Harry deadpans sarcastically. “I’m really glad you’re such a mature human being right now.” 

Bobby slots on the couch between both of the boys, shaking his head. “Shh!” He says, silencing both boys as he stares at the laptop in his hand. “Hey. Flushing, palpitations, hives- oh, they are hives.” He reads the screen, before turns to look at Harry. “Any burning sensation in the mouth?” 

Harry nods. “Yes.”

Bobby turns to look at Louis, asking the same question. “Yes?”

Louis nods too. “Yes.” 

“How about cramping?” Bobby asks.

“Definitely.” Harry replies. 

Bobby hums, before he shakes his head. “You have an extremely rare food-borne illness called scombroid. It is caused by bacteria that grow in the rotted dark-meat flesh or improperly stored fish.” 

Harry feels his foods start to make their way to this throat, before he jumps out of the couch, running to the bathroom. 

Bobby nods. “Yeah, that would be short-term nausea.” He says. “But expect the diarrhoea too.”

*************

It doesn’t take long for Niall to spot the familiar figure on the bench. He fastens his pace, approaching the figure. “Hey. You okay? I came as fast as I could.”

Zayn glances up from his ground staring and looks at Niall. “Yeah, no, I’m fine, I just-,“ he trails off, pausing slightly, “sorry, I didn’t mean to drag you away from your friends.”

Niall shakes his head, staring at Zayn. “No, that’s okay. Uh..what happened? You look awful.” He asks, looking at Zayn in concern. When Zayn had texted him earlier, he can feel his heart almost drop in worry, that was why he ditched his friends for a lunch and went to find Zayn instead. 

Zayn sighs heavily, before he speaks up. “That’s because I am awful. I’m an awful person on the inside.”

Niall chuckles, smiling gently at Zayn. “You’re not awful on the inside.” He points out. “What’s going on?” He asks, shifting slightly until he sits closer beside Zayn on the bench. 

“You know that kid I tutor? Ant? Piano?” Zayn asks, and Niall nods. “I think he’s gay.”

“Um, okay.” Niall trails off, looking at Zayn blankly. “Sorry, I’m a little confuse.” 

Zayn sighs again. “The thing is, I didn’t know. And he didn’t know that I’m-“

“Bisexual?” Niall pipes in.

Zayn nods. “Yeah.” He says simply. “I thought he must just be shy, I mean at 15 yrs old, with no friends and all. So I made him go to this dance with a girl.”

Niall nods understandingly. “Take it he didn’t have fun.” He points out.

“More like emotionally scarred for life, thanks to me.” Zayn says, groaning slightly. 

Niall shakes his head, shrugging slightly. “I’m sure you didn’t force him.” He says and when Zayn just stare at him silently, Niall nods. “Okay, so you forced him. Why did you want him to go so badly?” 

Zayn sighs. “I don’t know.” He says. “Uh…,” he trails off. “I guess I didn’t it to be true, I didn’t want him to be gay so I figured by doing this, he’d be more straight.” He says, and then pauses, before groaning again. “Even as I say it, what kind of person am I?”

Niall smiles gently at him. “No one thinks you’re homophobic, Zayn.” He says reassuringly. 

“Maybe I am.” Zayn says, sounds disappointing with himself. 

Niall barks a laugh, punching Zayn’s arm lightly. “Zayn, you dated me. I’m gay, we’re gays, obviously.” Niall points out, making Zayn smiles slightly. Niall stares at Zayn, admiring on how the person beside him is so caring towards others. “Or maybe you just knew how hard it would be for Ant if he was gay, especially at the school. It’s not the most progressive school in the world.” Niall points out. “But hey, we survived.” 

Zayn snort, but he smiles nonetheless. “I survived because I was with you. I don’t know if you haven’t noticed this but you’re literally the town’s sweetheart, Niall. Nobody would give you a shit for being gay.” He says. “But Ant, I mean, he has a hard enough time fitting in as it is. If he’s gay, high school’s gonna be ten times harder.”

Niall smiles, still staring at Zayn. “It’s just harder to be different. It always is. No matter where the difference comes from.” He tells Zayn. “You wanted to prevent him going through anything harder than he had to.”

“I did.” Zayn admits truthfully. “It’s like there’s enough that sets him apart already. It’s not fair.” 

“Maybe it’s not.” Niall agrees, before he continues. “But you can’t change that. You can’t prevent him from experiencing heartache and pain. He is who he is. The more you try to turn him into something he’s not-“

“I know, I know.” Zayn says. “I just wish he could talk about it.” 

Niall nods understandingly. “He hasn’t officially come out yet?” 

Zayn shakes his head. “No, not to me. Probably not to anybody, including himself.” He says. “I just- I don’t know what to do.” 

Niall smiles. “So make it better. Let him know that you’re there for him if he ever does wanna talk.” He says. “That’s a great thing about you. You’re a good listener.” He compliments sincerely. 

“How do I listen if he doesn’t want to talk?” 

Niall smiles softly, patting Zayn’s hand gently. “You’ll figure it out. You always do.”

*************

The first thing Harry sees once he opens his eyes, is a pair of blue eyes, staring back at him. Louis.

“Morning.” Louis greets, smiling at Harry. His voice is slightly raspy, and Harry feels his body shivers. 

“What time is it?” Harry asks sleepily. “My dad’s probably worried.” 

Louis smiles slightly at Harry. “My dad called him, remember? You couldn’t make it 10 feet without-“

“Oh, don’t remind me.” Harry groans, hiding his face under the duvet. 

Louis laughs. “And if you’re checking to see if you’re nudey-rudy, you’re not, don’t worry.” He says, and Harry pulls down the duvet from his face, turning his head to his left slightly to look at Louis. 

“So, what with the plague and everything yesterday, I probably forgot to tell you that I am incredibly sorry.” Harry apologizes sheepishly. 

Louis shakes his head. “No, don’t be. I’m sure Dylan has already cleaned the bathroom.” 

“No, I’m sorry about me.” Harry says. “I just, I did not even mean those things that I said. I don’t know why it got so crazy. Just-,“ he trails off. “I just don’t want you to get bored with me.”

Louis nods understandingly. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have made you feel crazy especially since you’re probably right.” 

Harry’s eyes widen. “You are bored with me?” 

“No, no, I just-,“ Louis says, pulling Harry closer towards him. “I agree that, you know, sometimes it can get boring and I was pretending that it wasn’t. You trying to do stuff to make it better, that’s the stuff I should be doing.” He tells Harry. “We’re bound to get sick of each other from time to time. I totally think that’s normal. It’s probably why grown-ups have jobs.” 

Harry nods, snuggling closer towards his boyfriend. “It’s possible.”

“But last night did prove that we can, you know, take it to many new levels without having to break up or get married.” 

Harry scrunches his nose. “I don’t think scombroid counts as a level.”

Louis wraps his arm around his boyfriend, spooning Harry, as his boyfriend likes to be the little spoon when they’re cuddling. “Well, sleeping in the same bed does. We’ve never done that before.” 

Harry nods against Louis’s chest. 

“Never know what’s gonna pull you out of a rut.” Louis continues. “If you go around thinking it’s only gonna be breakups, weddings and babies-“

“I never said babies.” Harry argues. 

“Okay, just making sure.” Louis says. Then he pauses. “Should I get the cards?” 

Harry shakes his head. “Maybe in a little bit. This is kind of nice.” He says as he snuggling closer, wrapping his arm around his boyfriend’s waist.

*************

“I can’t believe this is. This is such crap!” Dylan shouts as soon as he enters the house.

Zayn doesn’t move from the couch, continue flipping to the next page of his book. “What happened? Did they cancel your gym membership again?” He asks, chuckling slightly. “Sorry, I just can’t help with the sarcasm. It just slips out of me.” 

“Yeah, well, save it, cause I can’t deal with it right now.” Dylan snaps. “I seriously feel like breaking something!” He continues, before throwing his bag on the floor. 

The loud thump got Zayn to sit up, raising his eyebrows at Dylan. “Wow, I’ve never seen the angry reaction from you before.” Zayn points out. “I didn’t even know they made that model.”

Dylan shakes his head, waving the paper in his hand. “According to this, I just got put on academic probation. If I don’t get my grades up, they’re gonna take away my scholarship. I’m totally screwed.” 

“That sucks.” Zayn says. “Think they made a mistake?” 

“No, I don’t think so.” Dylan says. “My GPA’s on life support. I’ve been behind from day one, and now it’s just snowballed.” He tells Zayn. “But, seriously, I don’t see how they expect us to keep up. It’s like there’s so much work, they want everyone to fail.” 

Zayn hums, nodding slightly. “Maybe you could talk to somebody about it.” He tells Dylan. 

Dylan raises his eyebrows. “I’m talking to you, aren’t I?” 

Zayn chuckles, shaking his head. “No, I mean somebody qualified, I find community college challenging. I think we both agree that Louis’s advice is limited to cheeseburgers and porn.” 

Dylan stares at Zayn. “You think I need a shrink?” 

Zayn shrugs. “It could help.” 

Dylan shakes his head. “No, thank you. My brother’s the one with all the head doctors.” He says. “I am going to become a head doctor. Big difference.” 

“Okay.” Zayn nods understandingly. “What about your school? I’m sure they have guidance counsellors or something for you, right?” 

Dylan nods. “Yeah, Dr. Franco, but I don’t think-“

“Franco-there you go. Perfect. He’s a doctor. You guys could get together and exchange med-school stories or whatever, you know?” Zayn says. “He could teach you a new way to study. It’d be perfect.” 

“Yeah.” Dylan finally nods. “Yeah. I mean, he’s probably heard stuff like this before, right? I mean, I can’t be the only one in my class having a tough time.” Dylan says, and Zayn nods. Finally Dylan cracks a smile. “Thanks, Zayn.”

*************

“Isn’t this place great? Deo found it on the web.” Niall says and Harry just nods, watching as Deo starts to grin across the table.

“I’m obsessed with discovering new restaurants.” Deo says. “I swear I don’t know how people ever ate before the internet.” He continues, before giggling. “Okay, that sentence made no sense.” He adds, before getting up slightly to pour the drink into Harry’s glass. 

Harry quickly covers his glass with his hand, and Deo smiles at him. “Oh, don’t worry. They don’t card here.”

Harry shakes his head. “No, that’s not it. I just- I don’t really drink.” 

“Oh, okay. That’s cool.” 

They fall into an awkward silence, at least it is for Harry. Thankfully, it’s saved by the sudden sound of music and Harry watches as bunch of dancers are starting to emerge from the door. 

Deo squeals in excitement. “Oh, my god, you guys, these dancers are amazing.” He tells Harry and Niall excitedly. “The last time I came here, they taught me how to do stuff with scarves that I used on Danny that night. I am telling you, it is better than a pole-dancing class.” 

“You would not take a pole-dancing class.” Willie comments, before sipping on his drink again. 

Deo raises his eyebrows. “Why not? It’s supposed to be good exercise. I mean, I’d much rather take a class like that to turn Danny on than spend any more time reading the books that teach me how to treat it like a lollipop.” 

“Deo!” Willie warns, laughing at his friend, but Harry doesn’t find the joke amusing at all. 

Deo starts to stand up. “Who’s going with me?” He asks, and Willie is already standing up too.

Niall shakes his head at his friends, waving them off. “I’ll sit this one out. You guys go.” 

Harry watches as both Deo and Willie walk towards the dancer, before he looks at Niall again. “Sure you don’t want to dance? I can just watch.”

“Oh, no, that’s okay.” Niall says, gazing at Harry. “You having fun?” 

“Absolutely.” Harry says, trying to force his enthusiasm. “This is- this is great.” 

“It’s okay that Deo and Willie came, right?” Niall asks. “I wanted you guys to meet so that we could all hang out more.” 

Harry nods. “Yeah, that’s great. It’s good.” 

Niall smiles at him. “So, after this we’re gonna go to an Italian bakery.” 

“Actually, I don’t think I can just cause I told Louis I’d meet up with him after dinner.” Harry says. “I think we’re gonna try and catch a late movie or something.” 

Niall’s smile falters slightly. “Oh, okay.” He says, before they fall into silence again. 

The silence lingers, before Harry starts to speak up again. “So, have you talked to Zayn lately?” 

Niall shakes his head. “No.” He replies simply, obviously not wanting to talk about the subject, and Harry lets it slide.

*************

When the door is slammed shut, Niall turns around, only to find his brother is heading towards the kitchen from the backdoor. “Hello.”

“Don’t _hello_ me, traitor.” Louis says as he tries to steal something from the grocery bag. “Veggie crisps.”

Niall slaps Louis’s hand away, “hey, hey, hey,” rolling his eyes at his brother. “As usual, no idea what you’re talking about, and, as usual, I don’t really care.” 

Louis snorts. “It was bad enough when you were just self-righteous, but you’ve gone to a whole new level.” He tells Niall. “You are becoming like this phi beta fratboy with your obnoxious friends, your new cause, like every other week – ‘save the tuna! Kill the man!’” 

Niall rolls his eyes. “Is there a point to this?” 

Louis nods. “Normally, I wouldn’t waste my breath, but you start messing with my boyfriend, it’s different.” 

Niall’s eyes widen slightly, and then he scoffs. “Harry told you about the other night, unbelievable.” He mutters. 

“Of course he did. He was upset.” Louis said, defending his boyfriend. “He was actually looking forward to hanging out with you, trying to get your friendship back on track, and you ambush him with your friends.” 

Niall shrugs. “I just wanted them to meet so that we could all hang out. Didn’t work out that way, which is too bad, cause they’re very cool guys.” 

“Not as cool as Harry.” Louis pipes in. 

“They’re just different.” Niall points out. “Besides, if he was so miserable, he should have talked to me about it, but instead he decides to talk to you the next day.” 

“I know this might be a foreign concept to you, but maybe he didn’t want to sound rude.” Louis says. 

Niall shakes his head. “This had nothing to do with rudeness.” He says. “This is Harry not wanting to ruffle any feathers. It’s the same thing he does with you and those keggers.” 

Louis raises his eyebrows in confusion. “Wait, what? What are you talking about?” He asks confusingly. 

Niall sighs. “He hates going to those things, but does he tell you that? No. Instead, he complains it to me, so you keep taking him, and he keeps hating it, and the cycle continues.” 

“I thought he liked them.” Louis says, a little quieter than before as he tries to process on Niall’s words. 

“Why would he? Watching you get drunk and prance around like an idiot is annoying.” Niall quips. “But that’s not the point. The point is he doesn’t speak his mind. He needs to learn to say what he’s feeling and ask for what he wants.” He adds. “The boy spends half his life pretending like things are okay when they’re obviously not. But maybe you prefer it that way because it works for you.”

Louis shakes his head. “If I knew he hated those parties, I wouldn’t keep taking him.” 

Niall shrugs. “So, now you know.”

*************

“So, what does our terminally ineffectually youth have planned for this evening?” Bobby asks from the end of table as they start to eat the dinner.

“Deo and I are going to go to see a classic Japanese movie at the Art House.” Niall replies to his father. 

“Oh, that sounds like fun.” Louis quips sarcastically. “Or, wait, more like awful.” 

Niall ignores Louis’s comment and continues on eating his dinner. 

“Louis and I are going to a party at-” Harry trails off, glancing at Louis. “Dirk’s?” He asks for confirmation. 

Louis nods. “Yeah, Dirk’s, but we don’t have to go if you don’t want to.” 

Harry raises his eyebrows. “Why wouldn’t we go?” He asks curiously. 

Louis shrugs. “I don’t know. I just thought maybe you wouldn’t be into it.”

Niall’s eyes widen, as he realizes what Louis is about to say. So he waves his fork, shaking his head, signalling for Louis to stop talking. 

Harry seems to notice the gesture and he frowns slightly at the two of them. “What’s going on?” 

“Nothing.” Louis replies quickly, before he blurts out, “Just Niall was nice enough to tell me how much you hated the parties” 

Niall rolls his eyes, already planning to kill Louis in his mind. “I’d rather you’d have told me instead of him.” Louis continues.

Harry’s eyes widen in surprise. “What?!” 

“Good move, brother.” Niall retorts sarcastically. 

Louis rolls his eyes. “Oh, shut your trap.” He quips back at Niall. 

“Why would you tell him that?” Harry asks, staring at Niall from across the table. 

Niall shrugs casually. “Well, it’s true, isn’t it?” 

Harry scoffs. “My relationship with Louis is none of your business.” 

Niall snorts. “I’ve had to hear about your relationship with Louis every day for the past year, so technically that makes me a part of it.” 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know it was such a burden.” Harry says. 

Niall sighs. “It’s not.” He tells Harry. “Just, maybe you should talk about something that involves me once in a while, like how you had horrible time with my friends the other night.”

Harry gasps, before he turns his head to his left and Louis stops chewing midway when he realizes Harry is glaring at him. 

“He didn’t have to tell me, I knew.” Niall pipes in. 

Harry turns to look at Niall again. “You knew?” 

Niall nods. “Yes.” He says. “You should say what’s on your mind once in a while. We could avoid all this drama.” 

Harry drops his fork and spoon on the table, glancing towards Louis. “Is this how you feel?”

Louis is about to nod, before he realizes his mistake and retracts his action, shaking his head. “No, I mean,” he pauses, “well, kind of, but not the way he’s saying it though.” 

Harry stares at Niall again. “You want to know what I’m feeling?” He asks, and before Niall could answer, he continues. “Alright, I hate those stupid dances in the restaurant, your friend are ridiculous, and the way you act around them is totally false, and that Deo guy is a total dick!” He snaps, glancing at Bobby briefly. “Sorry, Dr. Horan.”

“Wow.” Niall says. “You’re actually expressing a real feeling, and it was negative. We should throw a party.” He says sarcastically. 

“He doesn’t like parties.” Louis pipes in reflectively. 

“Louis!” 

Louis’s eyes widen as he realizes his mistake. “I, I don’t- I don’t know why I said that.” He says. 

Harry stands up from the chair, before quickly making his way towards the door. “Thank you for dinner. I’m just going.” 

“Harry, wait up!” Louis calls up, before he stands up too, glaring at Niall. “Nice move.”

“You started it.” Niall argues. 

Bobby stares at Niall once they both are left alone at the dining table and about to say something but Niall beats him to it, shaking his head. “Let it go, dad.”

*************

Niall turns his chair around when he hears the knock, only to find Harry standing in front of his room, smiling sheepishly at him. “Hey.”

“Hey,” Niall nods, greeting the younger boy in return. “Uh, come on in. I’m pretty sure Deo isn’t hiding in the closet.” He jokes lightly. 

Harry steps inside, until he takes a seat on the edge of Niall’s bed, and fidgeting with the hem of his shirt. “I’m really sorry, Niall.” 

Niall stares at Harry, shaking his head. “You have nothing to apologize for.”

“I shouldn’t have said those things about your friends.” Harry says. “I just lost my temper.” 

Niall nods understandingly. “No, I’m glad you did. I wish you’d do it more often.” He tells Harry. 

Harry raises his eyebrows. “Really?” 

“Yeah, we’re not real best friends if we’re afraid to talk to each other.” Niall says, smiling slightly at the other boy. 

“I know.” Harry says, agreeing with Niall. “I just- I hate fighting with you, and I feel like that’s all we’ve been doing lately.” He points out. 

Niall hum, straightening up on his seat, and stares at Harry. “Try me.” 

Harry looks at Niall confusingly. “Try you?”

Niall nods. “Yeah. Let me know what you really think.” He says encouragingly. “You can give me your opinion without turning it into a fight.” He says. “Like, what- what do you think of Deo, really?” 

“Okay, um,” Harry trails off, before he continues. “All right, well, he isn’t really a bitch, but he can be kind of annoying, like the way he monopolizes the conversation, plus he’s a little braggy.” 

Niall smiles, nodding understandingly. “I know, he comes across like that when you first meet him, but he’s actually really cool- not that you have to like him, cause you definitely don’t. Totally respect that.” He says. “So, what else?” 

Harry swallows thickly, debating with himself whether he should continue. But when Niall is smiling encouragingly at him, he speaks up again. “Okay, well, here’s another thing that we definitely disagree on.”

“Go ahead.” 

“I don’t think it’s very nice what you’re doing to Zayn.” Harry blurts out. 

Niall raises his eyebrows. “What do you think I’m doing to Zayn?” 

Harry shrugs. “I don’t know. I mean, well, you’re kind of stringing him along, aren’t you?” He tells Niall. “You basically told him to wait around for who knows how long, except from what I can tell, you don’t have any plans on getting back together with him, and every time I’m over there, I just feel so bad.” 

Niall sighs, then he shakes his head. “Okay, this is something we actually don’t need to be talking about.” 

“You told me I should be honest.” Harry points out. 

Niall shakes his head again. “No, Harry, this isn’t you being honest. This is you having an agenda. You obviously want me and Zayn to get back together.” 

“I do not care about that.” Harry says firmly. “I just want you to be fair to him. If you’re not gonna get back together, then tell him. Let him move on with his life.” 

“I’m not stopping him from doing that.” Niall says defensively. “Harry, you don’t get it.” He says, sighing again. “I don’t want to fight about this, so let’s just drop it, okay?” 

“I see. So, you can interfere in my relationship with Louis, but I can’t say anything about the two of you.” Harry quips. 

Niall rolls his eyes. “The difference is, Harry, Zayn and I aren’t dating anymore.” 

Harry shakes his head. “No, the difference is you want to run our friendship the same way you run your relationship with Zayn – all on your terms.” He snaps. “Honestly, I’m just not into it anymore.” He adds, before standing up, leaving the room, and Niall alone.


	11. When you want it the most, there's no easy way out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I suck, I know. I don't know if anyone still reading this, but here's the latest chapter.

“How’s it going down here?” Zayn asks as soon as he enters the living room. 

Yasir stops rearranging the chairs, before he turns around slightly. “These are all the chairs we have, but Nina’s got more in her garage.” He says, looking at Zayn. “Is that the program?” He asks, nodding towards the clipboard in Zayn’s hand. 

Zayn glances down briefly, nodding at his father. “Yes.” He replies, pulling one of the sheets before passing it to his father. 

“ _Symphony of destruction._ ” Yasir reads out loud, raising his eyebrows in confusion. “Who is that – Stravinsky?” 

Zayn shakes his head. “Megadeth.” He says, before quickly adds, “don’t ask.” 

Yasir shrugs, resuming to rearrange the chairs with Zayn is now helping him. “So, what are you playing? The teacher always closes out the recital, right?” 

“I’m not.” Zayn replies. “It’s about the students, not about me.” 

Yasir raises his eyebrows. “Parents want to know what they’re paying for. They’re the one who sign the checks.” He points out. 

Zayn shrugs carelessly. “It’s too bad for them.” He says, before glancing up to look at his father. “That reminds me, I need a cheque for 2.5k.” 

“Refreshments?” Yasir asks in confusion. 

Zayn shakes his head. “Tuition deposit for next year. Make it out to Trinity.” He says, before starting to move away. “I’m gonna grab those chairs.” He adds, gesturing towards the direction of Nina’s house. 

“Whoa, whoa.” Yasir says, stopping Zayn mid-steps. “You’re transferring? Have we talked about this?” 

Zayn shrugs, shaking his head slightly. “Well, I can’t stay at MCC another year. I think I’ve actually gotten dumber.” He tells his father. “Plus, Niall says they have a great liberal arts department in case I want to change my major.” 

Yasir raises his eyebrows. “Is he going back next year?” 

“Maybe. I don’t know.” Zayn tells his father truthfully. 

Yasir grins, shaking his head. “Still circling the airport, huh?” 

Zayn snorts. “Oh, yeah, like you’re the one to talk.” He deadpans. “It’s not all because of Niall, all right? I like it here. I can keep my friends, my students, my apartment.” He says. “I get all the free foods I want here. I have to see your sorry face every once on a while, but I guess no plan’s perfect.” 

Yasir chuckles. “Well, if you’re happy, I’m happy. I’ll go get my cheque book.” 

“Anybody home?” Someone calls out and both Zayn and Yasir turn around to look at the guest, who turns out to be one of Zayn’s student, Ant. 

“Nice knock.” Yasir deadpans. 

“The door was open.” Ant says, grinning at both Yasir and Zayn. 

Zayn grabs one of the sheets from his clipboard, waving it towards Ant. “Just finished the line-up for Saturday. You’re up last.”

“Sorry, but I have another gig.” Ant says, and Zayn raises his eyebrows. “In New York.”

Zayn’s eyes widen in realization. “You got the Juilliard audition?” 

Ant smiles widely, nodding at Zayn. “Yeah, my mum and I are flying out tomorrow.” 

“That’s terrific. Congratulations.” Yasir says sincerely. 

Zayn blinks, shaking his head slightly, still too astounded by the news. “That’s - I can’t believe that. It seemed like just yesterday we sent your tape away.” 

“Why don’t you have dinner with us?” Yasir pipes in. 

Ant shakes his head, smiling politely at Yasir. “Thanks, but my mom’s waiting outside. We got to go home and pack.” He says, before looking at Zayn again. “Any last words, teach?” 

Zayn nods. “Yeah. Don’t suck.”

“You mean like you did?” 

“I didn’t suck. I, uh,” Zayn trails off, knowing that his father is in the room too and suddenly it’s getting awkward. He clears his throat before he speaks up again. “Don’t rush through the adagio. It’s not a race.” He says, extending his hand to shake Ant’s. “Good luck.”

Ant returns the handshake. “Thanks, Zayn.” He says, before starting to turn around. “Bye, Dr. Malik.”

Once Ant leaves, Zayn turns to face his father. “That is pretty incredible, huh?” 

Yasir nods, smiling slightly. “Yeah.”

“I got a kid an audition at Juilliard. I guess that means I can charge more for lessons.” Zayn says, not wanting to see the look at his father’s face, because they both know the elephant in the room. “I’m just, going to get the chairs.” He says, before taking off from the living room as fast as he can.

*************

“Are you sure you don’t need a pillow? It might feel better if you prop it up.” Harry asks, still moving around the kitchen, trying to find a clean cup in the house. Apparently, it’s a hard thing to find in Louis’s apartment. 

Louis groans. “Harry, really, I’m fine. Please.” 

“What about ibuprofen? How often do you have to take it – one every four or six hours?” Harry asks, worried laced in his tone. 

“I’ve been taking it about every 20 minutes.” 

Harry’s eyes widen, before he stops moving, and dashes towards Louis’s spot. “What?” He says, grabbing the bottle from Louis’s hand.

“Harry, I’m kidding.” Louis says, sighing slightly. “Look, it’s a broken hand, all right? These things happen, and it’s gonna heal. Thank you.” 

Harry rolls his eyes, before he resumes to find the cup again. “I still don’t understand why you were trying to karate-chop a board in half.” 

“Because it’d have been cool, and I’d have won 20 bucks.” Louis snaps. 

Harry stops moving, turning around to face Louis again. “You don’t have to yell at me.” 

Louis shakes his head. “I didn’t yell at you.” 

“Yes, you did.” Harry points out. “See, you don’t even know that you’re yelling at me anymore. That’s how mad you still are.” 

Louis sighs. “I’m not mad.” 

“Yes, you are.” Harry says. “And you have every right to be, okay? I should’ve been honest with you about the party and everything. And I should’ve told you how I felt instead of talking to Niall.”

“That’s not what it is.” Louis denies. 

“Well, what it is?” Harry asks, crossing his arms over his chest, staring at Louis. 

Louis sighs again. “It’s not that you talked to Niall about it, you know? Like I would care. I don’t know. It’s just like, I keep feeling like there’s more stuff, like maybe you don’t like the fact that I play video games or maybe you don’t want to make me sandwiches.” 

Harry shakes his head. “I don’t mind the sandwiches.” 

“Well, there’s got to be more stuff, and we just don’t want to say anything about it because we don’t want to upset each other.” Louis points out. 

Harry stares at Louis. “ _We_?”

“I didn’t say _we_.” Louis replies quickly. “I said _ye_ , like pirate style.” 

“Okay, no. Come on, I want to really hear this. Is there something you haven’t been honest with me about, something that I do that you don’t like or something that you want me to do that I don’t do?” 

Louis shakes his head. “No. See, now you’re making it all specific, and you’re putting it on me.” He retorts. “You were the one who was lying in the first place.” 

Harry shakes his head. “I wasn’t lying, Lou.” He sighs. “I thought I was compromising, okay?” He adds. “You care way more about these parties than I do. And-“ Harry trails off. “The only reason I pretended was because I love you.” 

“Well, maybe that’s our problem right there.” Louis says. 

“What – that we love each other?” 

Louis sighs, shaking his head. “No, it’s just that you feel like you have to pretend for me.” He says. “You know, maybe we’re more different than we thought. But because we love each other so much, we’ve been trying to, you know, be more the same, and that’s probably why something is missing here.” 

“What’s missing?” 

Louis shrugs. “I don’t know.” 

“How do you know it’s missing, if you don’t know what it is?” Harry snaps. 

“Well, I don’t know it. I just – I feel it.” Louis says, and he knows it’s the wrong this to say when Harry starts to frown, shaking his head, before he moves towards the stool, grabbing his bag. “Hey, Harry, come on. I’m sorry, I don’t even know what I’m saying.”

Harry shakes his head. “I don’t know what you’re saying, either, but all I know is that you’re making me feel horrible, so goodbye.” He says, before walking out of the apartment, slamming the door loudly on his way out.

*************

“Louis, can you get that?” Zayn shouts from his bed, hoping that the ringing sound of the phone will stop. When the phone doesn’t stop ringing, Zayn groans loudly before he starts to standing up and heading towards the living room. 

“I just passed him and Dylan outside.” Someone says as Zayn is about to pick up the phone. 

Zayn turns around at the sound of his father’s voice from the door, and at the same time, Louis’s voice is booming from the phone’s speaker. “Zayn, code red. Your dad is coming upstairs right now. Code red!” 

Zayn rolls his eyes before he picks up the phone. “Got it. Thanks.” He says before hangs up, and Yasir laughs at him. 

“That’s quite a system you got there.” Yasir points out. 

Zayn shrugs, before making his way towards the fridge. “So, to what do I owe this house call – before my morning cereal, no less.”

Yasir chuckles, shrugging slightly. “I thought I’d finally check out your new digs.” He says, glancing around and shakes his head at the mess of the apartment. He squints his eyes when he notices a familiar thing on the kitchen table. “Is that my toaster oven?” 

“No.” Zayn says quickly. “So, what’s up?” 

Yasir ignores the oven, and look at Zayn again. “Okay. I’ve been thinking about Ant and his Juilliard audition.” 

Zayn pours the milk into his bowl as he listens to his father. “You need hobbies, dad.” He deadpans. 

Yasir shakes his head. “No, bear with me for a minute.” He says, cutting Zayn off. “I know you’re happy for him – and, believe me, I love that about you – but I also know that it messed with your head a little – I saw it.” 

Zayn shrugs casually. “Yeah, maybe it did a little bit.” He admits truthfully. 

Yasir nods. “Want to talk about it?” 

“No.” Zayn replies quickly. “What’s the point? I blew my audition. It’s not like I’m gonna get a third chance. I think it’s safe to say that ship has officially sailed.” 

“So take another ship.” Yasir points out. “Juilliard is not the only music school. There’s Yale, Peabody in Baltimore, Indiana University in Bloomington.” 

“Yeah, but I already set things in motion with Trinity.” 

Yasir nods understandingly. “Yeah, but you haven’t set them in stone, and I’d hate to see you lock into that just because of Niall.” 

Zayn shakes his head. “No, it’s not just because of Niall, all right?” He says, but when his father just stare at him, Zayn sighs in defeat. “It _might be_ mainly because of Niall.” 

“I know, believe me, I know.” Yasir says. “But you don’t want to base these kind of life decisions on a boy who may or may not be there for you at the end of the day.” He points out. “What if you do all this stuff and he winds up with somebody else? How hard would that be to still be here and have to watch that?” He adds. 

“Especially if he’s my neighbour.” Zayn deadpans, referring to his father situation with Nina at the moment. 

“Yeah, especially.” Yasir says. 

“Okay, let’s say I did want to go to a conservatory, which I’m not saying I do. I’ve already missed all my auditions for this year. That puts me 12 months behind. Piano time is like dog years. Compared to Ant, I’m already like 70.” 

Yasir stares at his son. “Why don’t you let me help?” He asks. “I still have a few connections left, and you’ve never let me use them before.” He says. “And I understand that. You want to earn it.”

“I still do.” Zayn says firmly.

Yasir nods understandingly. “I know, but you’re still the one who has to close the deal.” He points out. “I’m just gonna open a couple of doors for you.” 

Zayn stares at his father, contemplating the decision, before he finally nods. “Okay. Under one condition.” He says. 

“What?” 

“I keep the toaster.” 

Yasir raises his eyebrows. “You would sell your soul for a toaster?” 

Zayn shrugs. “It’s a kick-ass toaster.”

*************

“You’re checking the machine again?” Dylan asks, as Louis starts to fiddle with his phone again. “Come on, you just checked it like five minutes ago.” 

Louis shrugs. “Harry and I had a thing. I left him a message last night to apologize. He hasn’t called me back. This is the longest we’ve ever gone without talking to each other.” 

Dylan nods. “What happened?” 

“Ah, nothing.” Louis replies. “We’re just kind of in a bad place right now, and I can’t really think of a way out of it without telling him the truth, which I can’t do cause he’ll know I’ve been lying to him this whole time, which means I can’t really be mad at him for lying to me, which honestly I’m not even really mad about. It just makes me think about my lying.” He rambles and when Dylan is staring at him blankly, he sighs. “We’re just in a bad place.” 

“Yep.” Dylan says simply. “Sex thing, right?” 

Louis’s eyes widen. “Do you have a secret decoder ring in your brain or something?”

“Do you think I like going to the gym that much? Come on. I haven’t had sex in like eight months.” Dylan says, patting Louis’s shoulder. “I feel your pain, Louis.” 

Louis snorts. “Yeah, okay, but it’s not like you have a boyfriend who will do other stuff, but not _the_ stuff, constantly reminding you of the stuff you don’t get to do. It’s like having an ice cream cone and never getting to finish it.” 

“Yeah, but you never got to finish the ice cream cone.” Dylan says. “You guys seemed great. Why is it bumping for you now?” 

Louis shrugs. “I’m just worried that we’re both working so hard to ignore what’s _not_ working.” He says. “I was completely fine when it was just me pretending. But now I know that he’s pretending, too, it makes me wonder if our whole relationship is false.” He adds. “If we can’t be who we really are, then, I mean, who are we, really?” 

Dylan stares at Louis. “Ockham’s Razor.” 

“Of course. Akmed’s Razor.” Louis deadpans sarcastically. 

Dylan shakes his head. “No, it’s a scientific law. It says the best solution is always the simplest one.” He tells Louis. “I’m saying just tell him, all right? Instead of spinning all these ideas in your head and getting yourself sick, just talk to him about it. See what he says.” 

Louis sighs. “I know what he’s gonna say. He’s gonna say that he doesn’t believe in premarital sex. Dude, that is not gonna change. Neither is the fact that I really want it.” 

“Okay, then you know what?” Dylan says, before he continues. “Then you might be screwed and you might have to break up, but at least you broke up knowing that you both knew everything there was to know, and that you at least tried to have an honest relationship.” He adds. “It obviously sucks, but if you love him, don’t you owe him that much?” 

Louis shakes his head, sighing miserably. “I just can’t believe this. I feel like I’m right back on that rock with Zayn.”

*************

Louis clasps his hands, trying braces himself from the cold as he passes by the parking lot. “Keep staring. I don’t think that’s gonna fit in the backseat.” He comments as someone is staring at the small table, trying to fit it into his car, Louis thinks. 

The guy turns around, and look at Louis in surprise. “Tony Tiggerello.” He says. “Never forget a face.” 

Louis’s eyes widen. “Adam? Hey!” 

Adam smiles at Louis, checking him out from head to toe. “Look at you. Big man on campus?” 

Louis grins. “Oh, yeah. Yep, that’s me.” He says. “Do you go to MCC, too?” 

“Do I look like a frat boy to you?” Adam asks, before he shakes his head. “No. I got this table off Craig’s list for my new shop. I’m out of the fake ID business now. My yarn store actually sells yarn now.” 

Louis nods. “Oh, yeah. That’s a bold concept.” 

Adam grins. “Yep. Stichin’ and Bitchin’. It’s the new craze. But I’m trying to figure out how I can get this thing into my car.” 

“Okay. Yeah, that’s a square peg.” Louis points at the table, “that’s a round hole,” he points to the car. “That never works. Did you measure it?” 

Adam grins sheepishly. “No?” He says. “I don’t know. I just figured I could mush it in here, but I think my trunk is too tight.” 

Louis nods.” I think so. I think you’re right. Trunk’s too tight. You can’t.” He says. “But, hey, you know what? I got a truck. Why don’t we just throw this in the back of my truck, and I’ll follow you to the new store?” 

Adam stares at Louis, before he nods. “Sure. Okay, well, this thing is really heavy, and it looks like you just have one good hand.” He says, pointing at the sling. 

“You have no idea what I can do with just one hand.” Louis points out, making Adam laughs and looks at him suggestively. Louis quickly shakes his head. “No. No, no, no. I – not that.” He says, before he points at the table. “But we can do it.” 

Adam nods. “Right. How about if I help you move it?”

*************

“What did you think?” 

Zayn shrugs. “It was great. The guy’s the greatest pianist at the moment. Did you see how he played the Mazurka? Chopin couldn’t have even played it that fast.” 

Yasir smiles at Zayn. “I’ll take that as ‘I liked it’.”

Zayn nods. “Yeah, it was awesome. I don’t see how it’s gonna help me decide my future.” 

Yasir shrugs. “Why don’t you ask him? Hey, Andre?” 

“You say, ‘hey, Andre’ as if you know Andre Harvey.” Zayn deadpans. 

“Well, I operated on his father five years ago. Nasty astrocytoma.” Yasir replies. “How do you think we got house seats at the last minute?” 

Before Zayn could say anything, the pianist starts to approach both of them. “Hey, doc. Glad you could make it.” He says, shaking Yasir’s hand. “This must be Zayn. Your dad’s told me a lot about you.” 

Zayn nods, shaking Andre’s hand silently, still processing the fact that he’s talking to the best pianist at the moment. “Yeah, sorry. He does that. I’m a big fan.”

Andre grins. “Then we’re even. I’m a big fan of your dad’s.” He says, nodding at Yasir. “My father says hello, by the way.” 

Yasir nods. “I’m gonna go get a drink and watch the crowds depart.” He says, before patting Zayn’s shoulder. “I’ll meet you back at the car.” 

“Your dad says you play.” Andre says once Zayn’s father leaves both of them alone. 

Zayn nods. “Yeah. I mean, not like you do.” 

“I didn’t always play like me, either.” Andre says. “Drink coffee?” 

“Sure.” 

“Come on.”

*************

“How about another one?” Adam asks, offering another bottle of beer to Louis. 

Louis shakes his head. “I should probably get going, though.” He says. “But then again, I’m not one to waste good beer, so thank you.” He adds, taking the bottle from Adam. “So, Stitch and Bitch. What does that mean exactly?” 

Adam shrugs casually. “It’s a bunch of people that sit around, drink wine, knit, talk about their partners.”

Louis nods. “Sounds dangerous.” 

Adam shrugs again, chugging off his beer, then he looks at Louis again. “It helps to get things off your chest sometimes.” He says. “Do you have anything you need to get off your chest?” 

Louis’s eyes widen. “Me? No, not really.” He says. “I do like to karate-chop blocks of wood sometimes. I’m just taking classes, just figuring out what I want.” 

Adam nods, before positioning himself on the table, sitting closer towards Louis. “What do you want to do?” 

Louis shrugs. “I don’t know.” 

“Well, some part of you must know.” Adam says, putting his feet on Louis’s lap. 

Louis’s not an idiot, he knows the seductive looks that Adam has been giving him all night means something, so he’s not surprised. “It’s all very confusing.” 

“Hurm, sounds like there’s a partner involved.” 

Louis nods. “Yeah, but, you know, things are very weird between the two of us right now, so..”

“Problems in the boudoir.” Adam points out. 

Louis’s eyes widen. “How did you – why – what would make you think that?” 

Adam shrugs, before he moves closer towards Louis, this time he starts to sit on Louis’s laps. “Well, you know what they say. If the sex is good, it’s only 5% of the relationship. But if the sex is bad..it’s 95%.”

Louis swallows thickly. “What do they say if there’s no sex at all?” He says, almost whispering as Adam seems to be closer to him than before. 

Adam raises his eyebrows. “Cause of the hand thing?” 

Louis shakes his head. “No. No, this is pre-hand.”

“Well, so you can-“ Adam says, putting his arms around Louis’s neck, pulling him closer. “-you can still do stuff, with that big cast?” He asks, starting to kiss Louis. 

Louis knows he should push Adam away, but somehow in his fuzzy mind, he can’t think of anything, especially when Adam starts to deepen their kiss. “I don’t know. I haven’t tried anything.” Louis says breathlessly when they pull away. 

“Well, that’s such a shame, given you’re at your sexual peak and all, kind of like wasting a good beer.” Adam says before he starts to pull his shirt off, and Louis can’t stop staring, although he knows it’s wrong, from the back of his mind. But Adam, is there, offering himself and Louis can’t help it. 

One thing leads to another, and the rest, is history.

*************

“The final was in the grand concert hall in Warsaw. 80 of the world’s best players. It’s freezing, and no one spoke English. But the crowd knew the music cold. And when I nailed the third sonata, they went crazy. I went from nobody to a god – a record deal, world tour. Not bad for an accountant’s kid from London, huh?” Andre says, before picking up some of the foods at the table. “Spicy tuna?” He offers. 

Zayn shakes his head. “No. No, thank you.” 

“So, what’s your story?” Andre asks. “Your dad said you missed out on a Juilliard audition?” 

Zayn nods. “Yeah, about a year ago.” 

“And now you’re wondering if you missed your chance, right?” Andre asks, and Zayn nods again. “You didn’t. I had a goal. I made a plan – school, practice, competitions. I stayed with it. Now I’m living the dream.” 

Zayn raises his eyebrows. “That’s all it took – _a plan_?” 

Andre nods. “At a certain level, it isn’t about talent. It’s about who wants it the most.” He tells Zayn. 

Zayn sighs, leaning back against the couch. “I guess that’s always been my problem. I’ve never known exactly what I wanted.” He admits truthfully. 

“Okay. When you watched me play tonight, did you see yourself up on that stage?” 

“Yeah, of course.” Zayn says. “Until you started the Marzuka, in which case I came crashing back down to earth.” 

Andre chuckles. “Then you have your answer.” He says. “A performer wants to play. You are a performer, so go for it. Figure out your plan. The rest is just work.” 

Zayn nods, thinking about Andre’s advice, until Andre’s phone starts to rings. The rings don’t seem to stop and Zayn raises his eyebrows. “Girlfriend?” 

Andre shakes his head. “Manager. Are you kidding? I haven’t had a girlfriend since high school. It’s hard to meet people, doing what I do.” 

“What about when you travel?” Zayn asks curiously. 

“Schedule’s too tight.” 

Zayn nods understandingly. “Your family must come to watch your shows. So at least you get to see them.” 

Andre shrugs. “They used to come, but I think the thrill is gone.” He tells Zayn. “I don’t see them that much anymore. I try to make it every other Christmas, if I can. They understand.” 

“I guess it’s true what they say. Lonely at the top.” Zayn points out. 

“Sometimes, but the view is great.” Andre says before his phone is ringing again. “That is my ride. Airport’s waiting.” 

Zayn nods, standing up, and shaking Andre’s hand. “Thank you very much for having me.” 

Andre nods. “Listen, I went to the Yale school of music. I’ll call them tomorrow, set up an audition next week.” 

“Next week?” 

“If you don’t screw it up, which you won’t, you’ll start fall semester. I’ll call your dad with the details, all right? Good luck.”

*************

“Hey, Harry, what’s up?” Dylan says once he picks up the phone. “You looking for the man? Hold on one sec.” 

Louis’s head perks up as he hears Harry’s name. Dylan looks at him, about to open his mouth, but Louis quickly shakes his head. “I’m not here.” He mouths. 

“Seriously?” Dylan mouths back and Louis nods firmly. “Hey, Harry? Yeah, I think he just slipped out.” Dylan says. “I’ll tell him you called, though, okay? All right.” 

Louis buries his head further onto the pillows, thinking of the mistake that he had done the night before.

*************

“Why don’t you leave that? Let’s watch the video.” 

Zayn stops washing the dishes, wiping his hands on the tablecloth before he follows his father towards the living room. “Video? Thought we had an agreement.” 

Yasir nods. “We did – I said I wouldn’t shoot any, so I gave the camera to Penny’s father.” 

Zayn stares at his father. “You bribed Penny’s father?” 

Yasir grins. “But only so we could give the Chopin piece to Andre.” He says, before plopping down on the couch. “He’s gonna help you with the Yale audition.” 

Zayn takes a seat on the other couch, facing his father. “I’m not going to Yale.” 

“No? Too far? What about Indiana? You could be a hoosier.” 

Zayn shakes his head. “I’m gonna go to Trinity.” He tells his father. “I talked to Chris Templeman. He’s gonna get me in the music ed program for next fall.” 

Yasir stares at Zayn. “Music education? So, you want to teach?” 

Zayn nods. “Yeah. Right now, I want to do that more than anything else, so thank you.” 

Yasir shakes his head. “I didn’t do anything.” 

“Yeah, you did. You got me together with Andre.” Zayn points out. “That helped me figure everything else out. I would’ve always wondered what that other life would be like, if I was missing out on anything.” 

Yasir nods. “What changed your mind?” 

“I did.” Zayn says. “After mom died, even before, I used music to hide. I would lock myself in my room, not deal with anything, including myself. I’m done with that. I don’t want to be that guy anymore. I’m sick and tired of being the genius/loner piano prodigy.” He adds. “Music connects me to the world. I love seeing Penny get better or seeing the light bulb goes off as Ant finally gets a piece.” He continues. “I can help change these kids. I can show them who they are or who they could be, just like the army.” 

“Amazing. You’ve figured out more before your 21st birthday than I have in my 52 years on this planet.” Yasir says. “I guess you _are_ a prodigy.”

Zayn shakes his head. “I don’t think so.” He says. “I’ve just spent all this year coming to terms with last year. If anything, I’m slow. At least I finally feel like I can put it all behind me, you know, like it’s finally done. Except for one thing.” 

“What’s that?” 

“Perrie.” Zayn says. “I was a real jerk to her.” 

“I’m sure she understands.” Yasir points out. 

“Yeah, but still. I wish there was some way I could make it right. You know, go back to the coffee shop, handle it better.” 

“That’s it?” Yasir asks, and Zayn nods. “Oh, that’s simple.”

Zayn raises his eyebrows. “Really? You know how to travel through time?” 

Yasir shrugs. “Sure. You just pick up the phone and call her.” 

Zayn sighs. “I wish it was that easy.” 

“Oh, I didn’t say it was easy.” Yasir says. “I said that it works.”

*************

_”Hey, it’s Perrie. Leave me a message and I’ll call you back.”_

“Hey.” Zayn starts, clearing his throat. “Uh, sorry. I wasn’t totally expecting this number to work. It’s me. Well, it’s not _me_. It’s Zayn. You probably have another _it’s me_ by now.” He says. “Uh, you know, I was just thinking about you today. Actually, I was thinking about everything a lot lately, and I mean, you were a big part of my everything, so..” he trails off. 

Zayn stands up from his bed, closing the door, before he speaks up again. “Mainly, I was, well, I just wanted to, um, apologize for the way I acted at the coffee shop that day. I realize now how incredibly painful that it must’ve been for you.” He says. “I mean, not the _me-leaving_ part, but the _you-telling-the-truth_ part. And you know, I didn’t handle it very well. I wish I could’ve done better. A year late, but…”

“Anyway, I hope that you’re well and that you’re happy. At least as happy as we can be, right? And, uh, really, this message is getting very long, and I’m gonna hang up very shortly, but – I just wanted to say sorry and to thank you, for everything.”

*************

“Louis, are you there? It’s me.” Harry pounds the front door of the apartment. “Look, I know you’re in there. Your truck is parked outside.”

Louis groans, knowing that he can’t hide forever, so he braces himself and opens the door. “Hi.” 

“Hey.” Harry says, before letting himself into the apartment. “Okay. The last two days, all I’ve been doing is thinking, like non-stop thinking, so, first of all, my head is killing me.”

“Harry-“

“Hang on. Let me finish.” Harry cuts Louis off. “The thing that all the thinking made me realize is that you were right.” 

Louis shakes his head. “No. No. I wasn’t.” 

“Yeah, you were just being honest and trying to figure it out, and I wasn’t.” Harry says. “See, I thought that my pretending to like parties or whatever was like a compromise. I had the whole thing rationalized in my brain. You know, compromises make relationships. Blah, blah, blah. But that’s not what I was doing.” 

“It wasn’t?” 

Harry shakes his head. “No. The truth is, I just didn’t want you to think I was that same dorky boy you became friends with. I thought that if you thought that, we never would’ve gotten this far, so I deliberately changed who I was – a little – to be someone who I thought you wanted until I couldn’t even remember which was me and which was faking, which is so ironic since the only thing you’ve ever wanted is for me to be myself.” 

Louis stares at Harry. “Hey, look. I made a mistake.” 

“Me too.” Harry says quickly, cutting Louis off. “And instead of dealing, I just freaked out and left. And then when you called, I didn’t call you back because I kind of wanted to punish you. And I’m so sorry for that, Louis, because - because the only thing I know for sure in my life is that I love you.” Harry admits truthfully. “And I don’t want to lose you.” 

“I don’t want that, either.” 

Harry smiles. “Then we can make this work. I know we can.” He says. “We have to promise to be totally honest with each other from now on about everything, okay? Not talking to you was the worst two days of my life and all I want to do is pretend it never happened.” He continues, before pulling Louis into his hug. 

Louis hugs Harry in return. “Oh, me too.” He says, tighten his hug, as he repeats, “me too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really want to finish this series, but somehow along the way, I lost the motivation, lost the inspiration, and life itself has been taking much of time that I don't really have time to write properly. So, sorry. I can't promise how long will it take to finish this, it's not much chapters left actually, since this is actually based on everwood series, it's already ep 16, which means only like 7-8 episodes left (I don't know about chapters cause sometimes I skipped out one or two episodes) but yeah, the inspiration has wavered lately and that, is actually one of the things that hinder the writing process too.


	12. how this world keeps spinning around

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title taken from Kodaline - High Hopes

“Hey, why don’t we get out of town this weekend?” Louis asks, looking at Harry. “Let’s do something really fun.”

Harry’s face starts to beam. “Sounds great!” He says excitedly. “Where do you want to go?” 

Louis shrugs slightly. “I don’t know. We can go to the mountains.” He says. “Or we could go to the next city. Or we can go to Italy.”

Harry chuckles, shaking his head. “We can’t afford to go to Italy.”

Louis grins. “Well, if we rob a bank or steal a car then we could.” He jokes, wiggling his eyebrows. 

Harry is still grinning, but there’s also a crease line on his forehead as he stares at Louis. “Are you okay? You’re acting a little weirder than usual.” 

“No.” Louis replies, before he quickly adds, “I mean, yes, I am okay. I’m just goofing around.” He says. “Have you ever been to peak falls?”

Harry raises his eyebrows, shaking his head. “No.” 

“You haven’t?” Louis gasps in surprise. “Oh, my god. It’s like a two-mile hike. It’s beautiful.” 

“I could pack a picnic.” Harry offers, still smiling happily. 

“That’s perfect.” Louis says.

The bells of the shop rings, and Louis immediately regrets turning around because there he is, Adam, smiling brightly at him, and Harry. 

“Hey.” Adam says, approaching both of them. 

Louis feels momentarily panics before he quickly steps forward, extending his hand. “Hi, I’m Louis. This is my boyfriend – Harry.” He announces, too loudly for his liking. 

Adam seems surprise by the sudden act by Louis but a moment later, he starts to understand as he glances down, smiling sweetly at Harry. “Hi. Nice to meet you.” He says, extending his hand.

Harry returns his handshake, smiling back at Adam. “Hi.” He greets politely before he notices the flier in Adam’s hands. “Stitch and Bitch?” He reads the words out loud. 

Adam nods, passing one of the fliers to Harry. “Oh, I’m starting this circle at my store. You should come by.” 

Harry smiles politely. “That actually sounds really fun. Thanks.” He says, reading the rest of the words on the flier. 

Louis stares at Adam, hoping that Harry won’t notice their interaction and Adam nods understandingly at Louis. “Anyways, well, I’m gonna go find some new recruits. It was really nice to meet you.” Adam says, excusing himself from both Louis and Harry. 

“He seems really nice.” Harry comments once Adam leaves. “He knits.” He adds, before his eyes widen suddenly. “Oh, you know! I should go make you a scarf!” 

Louis shakes his head quickly. “No, I hate scarves.” He deadpans. “They’re suffocating. They kind of strangle you. They’re really scratchy.” He tells Harry. His heart is pounding rapidly, feeling some sort of anxiety at the encounter between Adam and Harry, and he starts to stand up abruptly. “You know what, I need a little water. I’ll be right back.” He says, turning around, striding towards the counter, trying his best to bury the guilt feeling deep down inside his heart.

*************

“May I speak to you for a moment?” Bobby asks, startling Yasir from his reading and he glances up to look at his friend. 

Yasir nods. “Sure.” He says simply and Bobby quickly closes the door, before taking a seat in front of Yasir’s desk. 

“So, about the interview with the adoption agency.” 

“Don’t worry. I won’t bring up you shoplifting that pack of gum, nor will I tell any inappropriate jokes.” Yasir says easily, grinning at Bobby. “Really, I can be impressively serious when I put my mind to it.” 

Bobby shakes his head. “It’s not that. It’s about something I’ve done, something I did in haste.” He tells Yasir. “I’m finding mysef in somewhat of a pickle. I’m not sure how to handle it.” 

Yasir raises his eyebrows. “ _Pickle_ , huh? Oh, _that_ is serious.” He says, trying to joke but when Bobby’s face remain stoic, unlike the Bobby that he knows, Yasir speaks up again, “I’m sorry, Bobby. What is it?” 

“On the application I submitted for our adoption, on the part that says medical history, I omitted any mention of Maura’s cancer.” Bobby admits truthfully. 

“That’s a pretty big omission.” Yasir points out. “You could call them and tell them it was a mistake.” 

“Let them know not only are the Horans a medical risk, they’re also big, fat liars?” Bobby quips. “No, I doubt somehow that would help.” He points out, staring at Yasir. “I wish I could undo what I did, but it’s too late. I’m hoping for a miracle.” He says, sighing slightly. “I only need to have this hidden for a few more months. Just until Maura and I get our child.” 

“It’s more than a few months. I mean, this secret – this information could come out at any time, even after you get the child.” Yasir says. 

“I have kept bigger secrets for you.” Bobby points out. 

Yasir nods understandingly. “I know you have, and I’d do this for you regardless.” 

“You don’t need to worry about this, Yasir.” Bobby cuts in, realizing the worried tone in Yasir’s voice. “It’s my problem. It sits on my shoulder.”

*************

Harry waves at Niall as soon as the guy has entering the door of the cafe. Niall waves in return, smiling, before he makes his way towards Harry’s table. 

“Hey.” Niall greets before he takes a seat on the empty chair in front of Harry. 

Harry smiles. “Thanks for meeting me. I know you’re probably really busy.” 

Niall smiles too, shaking his head. “No, no, it’s fine.” He says easily. “So, how’s life?” 

“Good, good, fine.” Harry replies simply, tapping his fingers on the table, feeling awkward around Niall suddenly. “How’s life with you?” 

“Good. I’m really enjoying this international-relations class that I’m taking.” Niall says. “And I’m thinking about learning mandarin.” 

Harry nods. “Wow, that’s, uh..sounds harder than Spanish, but probably way more important. Are there a lot of mandarin people in Mullingar?” He asks, and before Niall could reply, Harry shakes his head. “You know what? I know you only have like 10 minutes, and I really need to talk, so could we just skip the fake nice stuff and push straight on through the weird?” 

Niall exhales a relief breath. “Yes, please.” He says, chuckling slightly at their ridiculousness. “What happened?” 

Harry shrugs. “Well, nothing actually happened. It’s just…”

“Louis?” Niall asks knowingly. 

Harry nods. “Yes.” He says, before continues. “I just feel like there’s this huge wall between us that you can’t see but I can totally feel, and everything is just off.” He tells Niall. “He’s even fighting with Zayn.” 

Niall raises his eyebrows. “Really?” 

“Maybe I’m being paranoid.” Harry sighs. “I just feel like he’s pulling away from everyone and I don’t even know why.” He says, staring at Niall. “Has he talked to you at all?” 

Niall shakes his head. “No, I haven’t talked to him since that dinner. I think he’s still mad.” He says. “But I could talk to Zayn if you wanted.” 

Harry shakes his head quickly. “I don’t want to make you do that if it’s too weird.” 

“No, no. I’m happy to, really.” Niall says. “But, honestly, I wouldn’t worry.” He tells Harry. “Knowing Louis, it’s probably something really stupid. This is a guy who broke his hand trying to karate-chop a piece of wood in half.” 

Harry chuckles, shaking his head. “Yeah, probably should let him watch those Bruce Lee movies anymore.” 

Niall laughs. “No.”

“You know, I think I was probably being paranoid.” Harry says again after a while. “I’m always scared something’s wrong with me and Louis that we need to fix something. Maybe I was the one that was off.”

Niall shakes his head. “No, Harry.” 

“Sorry for bugging you with all this.” Harry says sheepishly. 

Niall raises his eyebrows, flicking Harry’s nose with his tissue lightly. “Are you kidding me? You can talk to me about anything anytime. That’s what I’m here for.” 

Harry smiles at Niall. “Does that mean we’re not fighting anymore?” 

Niall shakes his head. “No, we were never fighting, just working through some stuff.”

*************

Bobby raises his eyebrows at the woman in front of him, Madeline from the adoption agency. Apparently she had called Bobby earlier to meet both him and Maura at their house and Bobby can’t help but feel a little apprehensive about it. “More paperwork? I think I’m developing carpal tunnel from all this signing.” Bobby deadpans. 

Madeline shakes her head, smiling at both Maura and Bobby. “We found a match.” She says, before pulling out a piece of photo from the file in her hand. “This is Chewe.” She tells both of them, putting the photo on the coffee table. “Your child.”

Maura’s eyes widen. “Oh, my goodness.” She whispers disbelievingly, too stunned to react to the news. 

Bobby is too overwhelm with emotion too as he stares at photo. “He’s so beautiful.”

Madeline smiles at both of them. “He’s 19 months old.” 

“Oh, I never dreamed.” Maura says, eyes brimming with tears. “My god, I can’t believe this.”

Bobby wraps his arm around his wife. “Oh, I know, sweetheart. I know.” 

“Now, you’ll want to review his records carefully and take your time to decide whether you want to commit yourself to this child.” Madeline says. “But if you decide to go forward, it’s just a processing the paperwork to legally adopt Chewe.” 

Bobby smiles at her. “Thank you, Madeline. Thank you for everything you’ve done.” 

Madeline smiles and nods. “Congratulations.”

Maura glances up from the photo to look at Madeline again. “And there’s nothing else we need to do right now?” She asks, before quickly adds, “because I did contact another oncologist, and he’s happy to be a second reference if the orphanage needs more assurance about my health.”

“Oncologist?” Madeline asks confusingly. 

Bobby feels his heart drops. “Maura..”

“What medical issues are you referring to, Mrs. Horan?” Madeline asks, eyes darting between both Bobby and Maura. 

“My cancer.” Maura replies. “The spinal tumor I had removed last year. It’s all in your files – the medical histories that Bobby sent.” She tells Madeline, before turning to her right to look at Bobby. “You sent the medical histories.” 

Madeline frowns at both of them. “There’s nothing in our records about you ever having had cancer.” 

Maura looks taken aback, while Bobby sighs in defeat. “I’m sorry.” He mutters. “I’m _so_ very sorry.”

*************

Niall pounds the door hard, his feet tapping on the floor and his impatience grows as he hears nothing from the inside. He pounds again, and again, until he hears Louis’s voice. “Yeah, come in.” 

Before Louis barely opens the door wide enough, Niall barges into the apartment, throwing his jacket on the stool, before he turns around to face Louis. “I need to talk to you,” he says firmly. 

“Well, I’m heading out the door, so..” Louis says, picking up his bag from the table. 

“You’re gonna have to tell Harry the truth.” Niall blurts out, and Louis freezes mid-step. 

Slowly, Louis turns around to face Niall again. “What are you talking about?” He asks, trying to act nonchalant, but he knows he fails when Niall is still staring at him with a serious expression, a look that he always wear when he’s pissed and Louis knows that. “How did you…” 

“I overheard the guy, Adam, right? I overhead his conversation on the phone with his friend at the store just now. Apparently, shagging Louis, who apparently never had sex with his boyfriend, is something that he’s chatting about with his friend, loudly.” Niall quips, still crossing his arms over his chest as he stares at Louis, too mad at his brother for being so stupid. “You know what? Harry thought something was off with you two, he came down to me to figure out what the hell was going on.”

“So what?” Louis asks. “Okay, we’re going out of town this weekend. Everything is gonna go back to normal.”

Niall huffs, shaking his head. “Sorry, no.” He tells Louis firmly. “Cause if you don’t tell him, I will.” 

Louis glares at Niall. “You. Have. No. Right.” 

“He’s my best friend.” Niall points out. 

“Best friend, my ass!” Louis starts to yell. “You treated him like crap for months, and now what, all of sudden you care again?”

“I never stop caring about him.” Niall argues. “And I can’t believe that _you_ have.”

“Oh, screw you!” Louis yells. “Okay, I love that boy more than I’ve ever loved anyone in my whole life!”

“Then why the hell did you do it?!” Niall yells back. 

Louis throws his bag away, too angry to respond, before he finally takes a seat on the nearest stool. “I made a mistake, okay? I screwed up.” He admits, sighing miserably. “And it’s never gonna happen again. I _know_ that.” He says firmly. “”But if you tell him…” He says, still staring at Niall, “God, please don’t tell him.” 

Niall stares at Louis, sighing slightly. “I know that you want to erase the bad thing that you did and pretend like it never happened, but you can’t.” He tells Louis. “And you know that you can’t.” He points out. “Because in some ways what you’re doing to Harry right now is worse than cheating. You’re making a fool out of him, Louis.” 

“I don’t even know why I did it.” Louis admits truthfully. “This whole time I thought that I was missing out on something that I needed by being with Harry. What I realize is, Harry is all I need, and now that I finally figured that out, I’m gonna lose him.” He says, wiping a tear that has starting to slip out from his eyes. 

Niall shakes his head. “You don’t know that.” He says gently. “You don’t.” He repeats, before making his way towards Louis, pulling his brother into one-arm hug. “Tell him what you just told me, just like that.” 

“He’s never gonna forgive me.” Louis sniffs. 

“He might.” 

Louis shakes his head. “No.” 

“But if you don’t tell him now, you’ll never get a chance.” Niall says. “Keeping a secret from someone that you love, even if you think you’re doing it for all of the right reasons, is a betrayal.” Niall tells Louis. “Trust me. I learned it the hard way last year. Don’t do what I did.” 

Louis stares at Niall with his wet eyes, and starting to cry. “I just – I don’t want this to be over.” 

Niall nods understandingly, wrapping his arm tighter around Louis. “I know you don’t.”

*************

“If you would have waited five minutes, I could have gotten you that stuff for free.” Niall says, when he spots Zayn with his hands full of take away bagels and coffee at the parking lot on his way to the café. 

Zayn turns around to the sound of familiar voice. “Oh, that’s okay, I stole it.” He jokes, and Niall chuckles. “So, talk to Louis?” 

Niall nods. “Yes, I did.” He says. “And I’m sorry on behalf of him, because of Harry, you know. It’s a little bit complicated when it involves our brothers, huh?” 

Zayn shrugs, nodding slightly. “No, it’s okay. It’s his mistake. Wouldn’t judge him for it though cause I made my own mistake too.” He says, and Niall nods understandingly. “Plus, Harry would not like it if I interfere with his personal life, although I did give Louis a kick on his ass, literally.” 

Niall chuckles. “I’m glad you did that.” He says, before he leans against Zayn’s car, sighing. “I just can’t believe this is happening, you know? I feel so sad for them.” 

“What’s gonna happen?” Zayn asks curiously. He knew the thing from Louis, who apparently had admitted himself back in the apartment, and Zayn was mad because Louis had screwed up his brother, but he also understand that it was Louis’s mistake, and that doesn’t mean Louis is a bad guy, he’s just an idiot, sometimes. And who are Zayn to judge him anyway? 

Niall shrugs. “I don’t know.” 

Zayn stares at Niall. “What would you do?” He asks. “Would you have forgiven me?” 

“Probably not.” Niall admits truthfully. “But you would never have done what Louis did.” 

“Only cause I know you would come after me with a knife.” Zayn deadpans, making Niall laughs. “I hate to say this. It’s gonna sound horrible. But I’m surprised they lasted as long as they did.” He tells Niall. “I mean, Louis and Harry are so different. I could never see how it was gonna end, but at the same time, I could never see how it would last.” 

Niall nods. “I know, but I still had hope.” He tells Zayn. “I just want to believe that people can work out if they really want to, you know?” 

“Yeah, it always seems like there’s so many people that you could work out with.” Zayn says. “But in reality, it’s almost impossible to find somebody that you connect with on all levels, not just one level.” 

Niall swallows thickly, still staring at Zayn’s eyes. “Yeah, it is.” He says, and they both fall into silence for a moment, staring at each other, before Niall breaks the gaze. “I should, uh, get to work.” 

Zayn nods. “Yeah, don’t be late.”

Niall smiles at him, waving his hand off, “Yeah, see you.” _Miss you._

*************

“Maura, how much longer do you intend to give me the silent treatment?” Bobby asks when he enters the room. Maura doesn’t reply, instead she starts to pick up the pillow from the bed. “You can’t keep sleeping in the guest room for the rest of our lives.” 

Maura glares at Bobby. “Actually, I can.” 

Bobby sighs. “I don’t know what else to say, Maura. I’m sorry.” 

“What were you thinking, Bobby?” Maura asks. “What could possibly have been going through your mind?”

“I wasn’t thinking, Maura.” Bobby admits truthfully. “I was acting purely out of emotion. The moment I saw that question on the application, I knew we were just fooling ourselves, that we would never have even been considered, let alone have gotten as far as we did.” 

“You don’t know that.” Maura points out firmly. 

Bobby shakes his head. “I do, Maura. I do know that, and so do you.” 

“Then what was the point of getting us all this way, of leading us down this path if you were so certain of the outcome?”

“Because I wanted it as much as you did.” Bobby admits. “I wanted to think it was possible, and I didn’t want to hear no.” 

Maura shakes her head. “Maybe we wouldn’t have.” 

“Sweetheart, it takes five years to be truly out of the woods.” Bobby points out. “You’re not even one year into your remission.” He says. “We have a follow-up appointment and another scan to take less than three weeks-“

“Don’t you think I know that?” Maura cuts Bobby off. “It’s just not fair.” She sighs. “I’m strong. I’m healthy. I know I could take care of this child. He would be so happy with us.” 

Bobby nods. “I know, Maura.” He says understandingly. “The only thing I think about more than that baby is all those damn appointments. I have every one of them written down in my book. It won’t be until those five years pass that I’ll feel like this is really behind us.” 

Maura smiles shakily. “It just doesn’t end, does it?”

*************

“Hey.” 

Harry turns around upon hearing Louis’s voice. “Hey! Almost ready. Just need to decide on the Gatorade. What color do you like?” He asks Louis, still moving around to pack the stuff for their planned picnic. 

“Uh, Harry –“ Louis trails off unsurely, still standing at the other end of Harry’s bed. 

Harry waves Louis off, shaking his head slightly. “I know, I know, I couldn’t decide. There are too many flavors.” He rambles about the Gatorade. “Even the extreme ones, whatever that means.” 

Louis shakes his head, taking a deep breath. “Harry, there’s something I have to tell you.” 

Harry stops moving around at the seriousness that laced in Louis’s tone. He straightens up, finally giving his full attention to Louis. “Okay.” 

Louis swallows thickly, before he starts to speak. “Uh, a couple of weeks ago, when we were arguing and you didn’t call me back, uh, something happened.” 

Harry raises his eyebrows. “What happened?” He asks curiously. 

“I messed up.” Louis says miserably. “And I didn’t mean to do it, and if I could take it back, oh god, I would in a second.” 

Harry shakes his head. “Hang on. Um, wait. What are you saying?” He asks, his heart starts to pound quickly, and there’s a pit in his stomach as he gazes at the solemn look on Louis’s face. “I mean, you didn’t…” he trails off, staring at Louis, “did you cheat on me?” 

Harry doesn’t expect that, “I’m sorry,” will come out from Louis’s lips. “It was so stupid.” Louis says. 

“My god..”

“This was a mistake, and it’s not-“

“Stop. I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want to know.” Harry says firmly, shaking his head. His heart hurts and he averts his eyes, no longer wanting to look at Louis. He’s still trying to wrap his mind around it. Louis cheated on him. 

From the corner of his eyes, Harry can see that Louis has starting to move closer towards him. “It was the stupidest thing I’ve ever done in my life.” Louis says. 

“I don’t want to know anything about it.” Harry repeats, still shaking his head. 

“He means nothing to me.” 

“Oh god, no, no, no! Just stop!” Harry yells, feeling like he’s out of breath. He can’t be at the same room with Louis, hell he can’t even look at Louis at the moment. “I need you to go. You have to go now.” 

Louis blinks back his tears. “Harry…” 

Harry grits his teeth, biting his wobbly lips. “Please.” He croaks out, begging for Louis to leave him. Harry hears Louis sniffs, before the guy silently turning around and leaves Harry alone. 

And the moment Louis leaves the room, Harry sags against his bed and starts to cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm planning to post the next chapter tomorrow, wish me luck!


	13. where do you go when you're lonely?

“Hey, you got to stop being afraid of that Gray’s Papaya.” Zayn says over the phone, while walking to the table, picking up his scattered books and starting to put those books inside his bag. “Because they’re the best hot dogs in town. Because they’re probably the best in the city – country. You’re gonna be fine. When does your mom get there?” He asks, still listening to Ant at the other end of the phone. 

“Okay, so you’ll be on your own for a couple of days. It’ll be good for you. You’re always telling everybody to leave you alone anyway.” He teases, putting his bag aside and glances at the wall clock. Then he starts to walk towards the bathroom. “Just kidding, just kidding.” He grins over the phone when Ant starts to whine. 

Zayn pounds on the bathroom’s door, with his phone still in his hand. “Dylan!” He calls out, sighing slightly when the only reply that he gets is the only sound of the shower running. He shakes his head, before sighing again. “Yeah, look, Ant, I got to go. I’m running late. You’re gonna be fine. It’s one class, and you’re auditing it. And then you’ll be back here for the summer to relax.” He tells Ant over the phone. “Plus, think about how cool you’re gonna be when you go back to Juilliard next fall and you already know what’s up.” 

Zayn hangs up on the phone not long after, putting it back into his pocket before he stars to pound on the bathroom’s door again. “You’ve been in there forever, dude. I just got to,” he trails off, glancing at the clock, “– 30 seconds. I got to brush my teeth, and then you could put all the hair gel in you want.” He says, still pounding the door. “Dude.” He calls out again, suddenly getting irritated. “Are you kidding me, man? Dylan!“ He calls again, trying to open the bathroom but it turns out the doorknob is locked. Zayn raises his eyebrows. Nobody has ever locked the bathroom door in the apartment before. “You all right?” He asks, suddenly worried by the lack of answer from inside the bathroom. “Dylan?” 

It’s on instinct that Zayn decides to break open the door with his shoulder and he thanks God that the door is easy to break because the sight that greets him once he’s in the bathroom, is not something that he can be late of. Dylan is on the floor, a bottle of pills clattered besides his limp body and Zayn gasps. “Oh, my god. Dylan?” Zayn calls out before starts to kneel beside his friend, suddenly at loss on what to do. He picks up the bottle from the floor, reading the label, while his other hand is fishing out the phone from his pocket. 

“Dad? I need your help. It’s Dylan. I don’t think he’s breathing.”

*************

“What did he say? Is he gonna be all right?” Zayn asks as soon as his father has finished talking to the doctor at the hospital.

“He will be.”

Zayn bites his lips worriedly, staring at his father. “He’s not gonna have brain damage, right? Cause I don’t know how long he-“ 

His father shakes his head. “No, he’s gonna be fine. You found him in time.” 

“I can’t believe this is happening.” Zayn mutters, rubbing his hands over his face briefly, trying to calm himself down. 

“Did you notice a change in Dylan’s behavior lately? Mood swings? Was he taking those sleeping pills a lot?” 

Zayn shakes his head. “No. I didn’t even know he was on sleeping pills.” He tells his father. “I didn’t even know he was depressed. He always seemed so happy. He was always up at 6:00 a.m cooking or cleaning or reciting chemical formulas.” He rambles. “Did I miss something, is that what you’re saying?” 

“No, no, of course not.” 

Zayn sighs heavily. “He always acted so together.”

“Well, he was probably working pretty hard to make it seem that way.” 

Zayn sighs. “And I should have recognized it.” He says guiltily. 

“No.” 

“I should have.” Zayn repeats again. “I mean, I live with the guy. It’s not like we never talked.” He tells his father. “He was probably asking for help this whole time and I just didn’t see it or ignored him.” 

His father shakes his head, grabbing Zayn’s shoulder, squeezing it gently. “Zayn, listen, you can’t put all this on yourself.” He says. “You were there for Dylan when he needed you most.” He adds. “You saved his life.”

*************

“I thought we were getting lunch.” Louis says as he follow his father’s trail to the jewellery store.

Bobby ignores him, entering the store with a, “Good day, Winston.” 

“Ah, Dr. Horan.” The owner, Winston greets him back. 

Bobby smiles at him, glancing around the store. “Any sapphires on special today?” 

Winston nods. “Just might be, yeah.” He says, before disappearing behind the closed door to get the stock. 

Louis blinks his eyes rapidly, looking at his father. “Please tell me you’re not buying me a man bracelet or something. I really don’t see that cheering me up right now, dad.” 

Bobby rolls his eyes at Louis. “It just so happens that cheering you up is not my primary concern at the moment.” He deadpans. “I’m here to find something for your mother, seeing how she’s been a bit blue since we lost the adoption.” 

“Well, the blues have been going around. It seem like everybody’s got them. Maybe it’s a viral thing, like an epidermis.” Louis points out. 

“Epidemic.” Bobby corrects, then shaking his head. “Oh, why do I even bother?” He mutters. “So, I take it you still haven’t spoken with Harry?” 

Louis shakes his head. “No, I haven’t.” He replies to his father. “I called and left a message, and he hasn’t called me back.” 

Bobby raises his eyebrows. “Sure that you’ve called him more than once?” 

“He made it pretty clear that he doesn’t want to talk to me.” Louis quips. 

“You didn’t truly think that it would be that easy, did you, Louis?” Bobby asks. “Forgiveness is not won by crawling along. Get up on your feet, man. Go forth.” He encourages. “Show him that nothing can stop you.”

Louis raises his eyebrows. “Isn’t that kind of like stalking?” 

“In my day, it was known as _courting_.” Bobby says. “The point is, you can’t expect a phone call to work miracles. It’s not even long-distance.” He points out. “No, this calls for a gesture, son, a grand one.” 

Before he can continue, Winston appears again, bringing a jewellery box. “Wow, Winston, this is just stunning.” Bobby says, eyeing the necklace on the top of counter. “Could we have this cleaned and wrapped up for tomorrow?” 

“Sure thing, Dr. Horan.” 

“Wonderful.” 

“Wonderful.” Louis mimics his father, before he sighs. “Can we go now?” He asks, already heading towards the door. 

“Only if you leave this hangdog attitude of yours behind.” Bobby says, as they both walking out of the store. “I’m having a hard time mustering pity for you, considering what it is you’ve done.” He adds. “Obviously, we all make mistakes, but this is one that you deserve to pay for.” 

“Yes, I know.” 

“Good.” Bobby says. “Because I won’t humor you behaving as though some great injustice has been done to you.” He adds. “ _You_ got yourself into this mess.” 

“Yes, dad, I know that, okay?” Louis quips. “Why do you even want to hang out with me today if you think I’m such a jerk?” 

“To be honest, your – your mother thought it might be a good idea.” 

Louis rolls his eyes. “Yeah, that’s what I figured.” He says, before turning around, walking towards the opposite way, leaving his father alone.

*************

“Hey, where have you been?” Niall asks, glancing up from his works as soon as Zayn opens the front door. “You said to be here 30 minutes ago, and I’m in the middle of a research paper.”

Louis nods, agreeing with Niall. “Yeah, and I got places to go, dude, so-“

“I just got back from the hospital.” Zayn blurts out as he shrugs off his jacket. “Is Harry here?” 

Niall stands up from the couch, leaving his scattered papers, as he looks at Zayn and shaking his head. “No, he can’t make it. I think he has a class or something.” 

“Yeah, right.” Louis deadpans sarcastically. 

Niall glances at his brother. “Well, it’s hard for him, Louis.”

“It’s hard for me,too.” Louis quips. 

“Dylan tried to kill himself this morning.” Zayn says suddenly, breaking the little argument between Niall and Louis. 

Niall’s eyes widen, “oh my god,” he gasps at the same time as Louis blurts out a surprise, “what?” 

Zayn nods, staring at both Niall and Louis. “I found him on the floor of the bathroom. He took a whole bottle of sleeping pills. The doctor said he’s gonna be okay, but he has not woken up yet.” 

Everyone falls into silence after Zayn’s revelation. 

“I know, there’s no possible normal way to talk about this.” Zayn says after a few beats of silence.

Niall shakes his head disbelievingly. “No, it just, it doesn’t make any sense.”

Louis nods. “Yeah, the guy was always in such a good mood.” He says, before he continues. “I mean, even when he was studying, he was happy.” 

Zayn shrugs slightly. “Yeah, well, I guess he wasn’t.” 

“What do we do?” Niall asks, starting to bite his nail, a habit that he can’t get rid of when he’s nervous. “Just go to the hospital now or…wait and send flowers?” He wonders aloud before shaking his head. “Is there anything that you can do that isn’t completely stupid?” 

“I think the only thing we can do is just be his friend when he gets back.” Zayn replies. 

“Oh, he’s coming back here?” Louis asks and when Niall glares at him, Louis shakes his head. “I mean, it’s just – it just seems – I don’t know what I’m saying.” He admits truthfully, his face seems distraught as he glance over at the bathroom at the other end of the apartment. “You just found him in _that_ bathroom? On the ground?” 

Zayn nods, and Louis feels physically ill at the confirmation. “Oh, my god. I don’t know how you did it, man.” He tells Zayn. “I’m glad it wasn’t me. I know that probably sounds sick and all, but, dude, what is up with life right now?” 

“It’s okay, Louis.” Niall says gently after hearing the distressed tone in Louis’s voice. 

Louis shakes his head. “No, it’s not okay.” He says, upset with the current situation. “It’s obviously not okay, not for anybody.” He points out, shaking his head. “I got to- I got- I got to get some air. You guys don’t mind if I just step outside for a second?” He asks, and both Niall and Zayn nod understandingly. 

Niall waits until Louis closes the front door, before he looks at Zayn again. “How are you holding up?” He asks worriedly. Niall knows how hard it is to be in Zayn’s position at the moment. He remembers on how he was freaking out over finding Dan’s overdosed body a couple of years back, and for Zayn to go through the same thing, is worrying Niall at the moment. 

Zayn shrugs. “Good. You know, I’m a little freaked out. I got the jitters, but other than that, you know, all I really feel is guilty.” 

Niall stops biting his nails, raising his eyebrows at Zayn. “Guilty? Why?” 

“Because if anybody should have seen this coming, it should have been me.” 

Niall blinks. “Why? Because it’s up to you to save everybody?” 

Zayn shakes his head. “No, cause me and Dylan were friends – not best friends, but we talked.” 

Niall moves slightly, leaning against the head of the couch, his eyes are still staring at Zayn. “I talked to Dylan, too. I _dated_ him.” He points out. 

Zayn nods. “Yeah. If I hadn’t screwed that up, you probably would have been there for him. And none of this would happen.” He says, before he too start to move and leans against the head of the couch besides Niall. 

“You had nothing to do with me and Dylan.” Niall argues. “He stopped seeing me because of school and work and stuff.” 

“Yeah, and because I asked him to.” Zayn confesses and Niall turns his head to his left sharply, surprise at the confession. “It was a long time ago.” Zayn continues. “It was before I told you how I felt with the postcards and all that.” He says. “Which, it seems so stupid now.” 

“I never knew that.” Niall points out quietly, but he knows Zayn hears him nonetheless. To be honest, Niall is shocked and something is stirring inside his heart at the moment hearing the revelation from Zayn. 

“Yeah, well, it was a mistake, you know? I’ll probably have to regret it for the rest of my life.” 

Niall shakes his head. “It’s not your fault, Zayn.” He says. “The thing with me and Dylan – he didn’t have to listen to you.” He tells Zayn. “If he wanted to see me, he could have made that choice and even if he did make that choice, it doesn’t mean that I could have saved him from something like this. This is bigger than one person.” 

Zayn shakes his head, staring at Niall intensely. “I don’t know if I agree with that.” 

Niall shrugs slightly. “Everybody goes through crap. Going through med school can’t be worse than finding out that your ex-girlfriend had your baby without you knowing about it. _You_ survived.” He points out, staring at Zayn too. 

Zayn nods. “Yeah, but when I was going through all my crap, I had you. You were there for me.” 

Niall snorts. “Obviously didn’t help much.” 

“Are you kidding me?” Zayn asks disbelievingly. “I wouldn’t have been able to get through any of that stuff without you.” 

“Zayn..”

Zayn shakes his head, cutting Niall off. “My point is, I think it makes a big difference knowing there’s at least one person in the world that has your back, no matter what.” He tells Niall. “It doesn’t have to be the same person for your entire life, but everybody deserves at least _one_ someone.” He continues. “I should have been there for Dylan.” 

Niall sighs slightly, before he wraps his arm around Zayn’s body, pulling him closer for a cuddle. He knows that what Zayn needs at the moment is comfort and Niall is more than willing to give it to Zayn.

*************

Harry knocks on the door twice before it is opened and Maura is standing in front of him, with a slightly surprise expression on her face. “Harry. How are you, sweetheart?”

Harry wants to lie, but he knows that Maura will know so he forces a smile, shrugging slightly. “Uh, not so good, actually. Is Niall here?” 

“Oh, he’s not home from school yet.” Maura replies. “Was he supposed to meet you?” 

Harry nods. “Yeah, but I’m early.” He tells Maura. “I could just come back later.” 

Maura shakes her head. “Oh, no, don’t be silly. Come on in.” She says, opening the front door wider. “I’m sure I have some cocoa in the house somewhere,” Maura says, smiling sweetly at Harry, before she continues, “or at least a tissue.” 

Harry’s cheeks flushed slightly, knowing that Maura must have seen him on the edge of breaking down, so he nods, “a tissue sounds nice.” Harry croaks, letting himself slip into the house.

“What are these for?” Harry asks once he settles on the couch, and Maura has just entering the living room with a box of tissue in her hand. 

“Oh, you are officially the first person to know.” Maura says. “They’re for my job.” She says, putting down the tissue box on the coffee table in front of Harry. “I’m on a new career path, if you can believe it.”

Harry raises his eyebrows curiously. “Really?”

Maura nods. “I just started at the art museum over in Dublin. There’s very little money involved, but I do get to look at Cezanne all day, which does wonders for the spirit.” 

Harry smiles slightly. “That must be nice, having something to look forward to.” He says. “I remember what that was like – waking up in the morning not wanting to poke my eyes out.” 

Maura nods understandingly before taking a seat beside Harry on the couch. “If it makes you feel any better, Louis looks far worse than you right now.” 

“That’s good.” Harry blurts out, before he realizes that he is talking to Louis’s mom and he quickly retracts, “I mean, not that it’s good that he looks bad, but it’s definitely better than him looking good cause that would be awful. Frankly, just plain wrong.” 

“I understand,” Maura nods. 

“Really?” Harry asks. “Cause I don’t – not any of it.” He says. “I mean, why would he -,” he blurts out, before shaking his head. “Sorry. Um, I just – never mind. Forget it.” 

Maura looks at Harry sympathetically. “Do you exercise, dear?” 

Harry raises his eyebrows, glad for the change of the topic, but yet, still confused. “Um, well, I used to enjoy my jazzercise videos. Why?” 

“Well, I was just wondering if you had any way of letting out all these emotions you’re feeling.” 

Harry snorts. “You mean, besides crying them out?” 

Maura shakes her head. “Crying works for the sadness, but I was thinking more of the anger.” She says. “You need to find a way to release your aggression.” She continues. “Otherwise, you might end up-“

“-kiling Louis with my bare hands? Strangling him till his tongue rolls out of his mouth like a cartoon puppy dog?”

“I was going to say, ‘developing an ulcer’, but..” Maura smiles at Harry. 

Harry shakes his head, standing up, pacing back and forth in front of Maura. “I guess..I don’t really know. I’ve never really had to deal with my anger before. To be honest, I’ve never really felt it much before. I’m actually a fairly mild person, so I don’t-“

“That is why God invented decorative pillows.” Maura says, taking one of the pillows on the couch, before standing up and heads over towards Harry. “Here, give it a whack.” She asks as she stands in front of Harry, holding a pillow in her hand. “Come on. It’ll help, I know.” 

Harry’s eyes darting between the pillow and Maura, before he finally relents and starts to punch the pillow. “Wow,” he says with a wide eyes after the first punch. 

Maura hums in response, nodding encouragingly for Harry to continue. 

“ _Hi, I’m Louis. I like to eat with my mouth open._ ” Harry says, starting to punch the pillow.

“He does get a little enthusiastic.” Maura pipes in. 

Harry nods, punching the pillow again. “He never cares about manners cause he thinks he’s so cute, and he always get what he wants.” He says, gritting his teeth and this time the punches’ force are harder than before. “He lied to me, and he cheated on me, and He. Broke. My. Heart!” 

Harry doesn’t even realize when he starts crying but suddenly Maura drops the pillow on the ground and starting to envelop him into her hug. “Oh, dear.” She says gently, rubbing his back soothingly, then she pulls away, staring at Harry. “There. Isn’t that better?” 

Harry nods. “Yes. Yes, a little.” He exhales shakily. “I hate him so much. I should be happy it’s over. I’m not.” 

Maura grabs Harry’s shoulder and leads him to sit on the couch gently. “Because, you love him, which is confusing, I know.” She tells Harry. “But if you find yourself wavering between getting back together and moving on, I’ll just ask you this one thing – can you forgive him?” 

“Do you think I should?” Harry asks, still sniffling. 

“Oh, that’s not for me to say, sweetheart.” Maura shakes her head. “If you can, you’ll find your way back. If you can’t and you get back together just because you miss him right now, you’ll only wind up resenting him later on, and no amount of love can conquer that.” She says, pulling Harry to lean against her shoulder.

*************

“What is this for?” Harry asks, glancing at the opened box in Louis’s hands, before looking at Louis again.

“This is for you.” Louis says, trying to pass the box to Harry, but Harry is having none of it. He crosses his arms over his chest, shaking his head. “What are you doing?” He asks Louis. 

Louis shrugs slightly. “Well, I saw this, and I thought how beautiful it was. Since I can’t say the right thing even when I write it down ahead of time, it doesn’t come out right, I thought I would show you.” 

Harry shakes his head. “I don’t want this. No.” He says, turning away from Louis. 

“Harry.” Louis calls out, following Harry’s trails. 

“And it is not fair for you to come here and say these things to me, selfish to even make me see you.” Harry spits, turning around to face Louis again. “Don’t you understand how hard this is for me?” 

“It’s hard for me, too.” Louis quips. 

“But you’re the one that did this to us.” Harry points out. 

“I know.” Louis admits. “And I’m trying so hard to figure out why.” He says. “I know they must be a reason. No one screws up like this without a reason.” 

Harry stares at Louis. “What’s the reason?” 

“I – it’s – I don’t know.” Louis trails off. “Maybe I was scared?” 

Harry snorts, and Louis shakes his head. “No. I’m serious.” Louis says firmly. “You’re perfect, Harry. I could never see you ever doing anything to ever screw us up, which meant we were gonna keep going on the way we were going, or, I was gonna blow it and maybe constantly thinking about how or when that’s gonna happen, the pressure was too much.” 

“This is such a bullcrap!” Harry spits before starting to move towards the stairs, trying to leave Louis alone with his bullshit. 

“Harry.” Louis calls out, blocking Harry’s way to the stairs.

Harry stops moving, as Louis is standing in front of him, and he can push Louis away but at the same time he also wants to know, “Why couldn’t we have just kept going the way we were going?” Harry asks. “ _Why_ did you have to mess it up?” He continues. “You made a choice.” 

Louis shakes his head. “It wasn’t a thinking choice. It was an impulse.”

“I am _not_ talking about that. It makes me sick to even think about that.” Harry spits. 

“Then what – what are – I don’t understand.” 

Harry stares at Louis. “I meant that those two days when we weren’t talking, see, I thought we were thinking.” He tells the other guy. “I was thinking, about what we could do to make things better, about how I could show you that I loved you. I was up in my room thinking this was all my fault, and you were with _him_.” 

“Harry, I’m sorry.” Louis apologizes. “I am so, _so_ incredibly sorry, and if there’s anything that I can do –”

“See, that’s the thing. There isn’t –“ Harry says, pausing slightly. “Nothing you can say or buy me or do for me. I don’t think there ever will be.” He tells Louis. “I don’t think I can ever forgive you, Louis.”

*************

“I know, I’m awful. Everybody hates me, so why don’t we just leave it at that?” Louis says, heading to the kitchen after he had a fight with his father at the house. He doesn’t even remember about the fight, probably it has something to do with him forgetting to take out the bin the previous week when he had been at home but he’s too messed to think about it now.

“I hardly think everyone hates you.” Bobby says, following Louis’s trail to the kitchen. 

Louis slumps on the stool, and his father leans again the edge of the kitchen counter, staring at him. “Harry does.” Louis says before adding quickly, “And I know, I have no right to be upset. It’s my fault, and trying to impress him with a stupid watch was a lame idea and it doesn’t change the fact that I’m a bad person.”

Bobby shakes his head. “You’re not a bad person, Louis.” He says. “Your impulses may not always be the best, but they’re always honest.” He continues. “You have a good heart at the end of the day, and that’s…all you can ask for.” 

Louis cocks his eyebrows at his father. “So is this all stuff that mom told you to say?” He asks sceptically. 

Bobby chuckles slightly, shaking his head. “No.” He replies. “Although, it is true. She has always understood you better than I, always known what to do. I’ve been at a loss more times than I care to admit because, the fact is, I’m a little jealous of you.” 

Louis snorts. “Oh, right. Now I know you’re messing with me.” 

Bobby shakes his head. “No. No. God, no. Not at all.” He says. “Your ability to make friends at the drop of a hat is something I’ve never mastered. You approach life with an ease and natural social grace, and I’ve always been a bit hindered in that department.”

“Weren’t you the head of the elks club?” 

“Kind of you to remember, but the big horns, no, no, they’ve passed me over.” Bobby confesses, pausing slightly, before he continues. “I’ll admit something. As difficult as I know things have been for you of late, I’ve been waiting, for a moment like this between the two of us.” 

Louis stares at his father disbelievingly. “Really?” 

Bobby nods. “Yeah.” He says. “Always hoped that I would have something use to say, that you would, _need_ me, I guess.” 

“Dad..” Louis groans when he notices that his father is starting to feel sentimental. 

“And I really only wanted to be able to give you something because the fact of the matter is, you have taught me a great deal.” Bobby says. “Taught me how to laugh, take myself a little less seriously, believe it or not.” He adds, smiling slightly at Louis. “I admire you.” 

Louis hums in response, doesn’t really know what to say. His mind wheels back to his encounter with Harry earlier and he can’t help to blink back his tears. “Louis, are you okay?” 

“I don’t know.” Louis replies shakily, trying so hard not to fall apart in front of his father. “Everything has been so messed up.” 

Bobby moves closer towards Louis, wrapping an arm over Louis’s shoulder, “come here,” he says, pulling Louis into his hug. “We’re gonna get through this.” Bobby says, rubbing Louis’s back. “I promise you.” 

And that night, Louis cries in his father’s arms.

*************

“Hey.”

Zayn glances up when he hears his father’s voice. “Hey.”

“I brought you that bag.” Yasir says, approaching the couch and passing the bag to Zayn. 

Zayn smiles at his father, “thank you.” 

Yasir hums in response, glancing at the folded clothes on the couch. “Should I be concerned with the fact that you’ve suddenly decided to leave town?” 

Zayn shakes his head. “No, I’m just going to New York for a couple of days to see Ant, help him get settled in, show him around a little bit.” 

“He’ll be back in a couple of weeks, won’t he?” 

Zayn nods. “Yeah, but I think he’s a little overwhelmed with the whole Juilliard experience, so I want to make sure he’s okay.” 

Yasir takes a seat on the other couch, staring at Zayn. “Listen, I know what happened with Dylan was a pretty intense experience. It must have a profound effect on you.”

“It did, and you’re right.” Zayn says quickly, before his father can continue. 

Yasir raises his eyebrows. “I haven’t said it yet.” 

“Yeah, but I know what you’re thinking.” Zayn points out. “You were gonna say that because of what happened with Dylan, that’s why I suddenly want to go and make sure Ant’s okay.” He says, before continue, “you know what? You’re probably right.” 

“Okay.” Yasir drawls. 

“Dylan was not my responsibility, but in a way, I kind of feel like Ant is.” Zayn tells his father. “I think about him out there all by himself, probably crawling back into that shell that I tried so hard to break him out of. I just want to go check up on him, make sure he’s cool without him having to ask.”

“Hmm,” is the only response that Yasir can think of because he can’t help but admit that Zayn’s got a good point there. “Are you all set with your classes?” Yasir asks instead. 

Zayn nods. “Yeah, I’ll get my reading later on.” 

“Any idea when you’ll be back?” 

Zayn points at the table. “It’s all right there on that piece of paper.” He says. “I’m gonna stay at my friend’s house for a couple of days, I left you his number. And then I’ll have my cell phone on if anything happens.” 

“You won’t just call to say hi?” Yasir asks quietly. 

Zayn snorts, rolling his eyes, but grinning at his father. “Yeah, I know you get withdrawals, but you’re gonna be okay, right?” 

Yasir’s face breaks into a smile, “yeah, I’ll call you.”

*************

Niall unbuckles his seatbelt, getting out from his car, from the passenger seat this time as Zayn had insisted to drive them to the airport. “So you won’t be tired of driving after this, Niall,” Zayn told him when he picked Zayn up earlier.

“Got all of your passport and all?” Niall asks as Zayn pulls out his bag from the trunk. 

Zayn nods, smiling at Niall. “Yeah, all right in the pocket.” 

Niall smiles too, satisfied with the answer. “Don’t forget to call, okay?” He says, once Zayn closes the trunk and Zayn turns around to face him. 

“I’ll call you.” Zayn says, grinning. “You bet I’ll call you daily until you’ll get bored of my voice.” He jokes, pulling Niall into a hug.

Niall chuckles slightly, shaking his head when they pull away. “Yeah, yeah, you’d do that.”


End file.
